To feel so terrible about DH doing bedtime for the first time. Please reassure me!

31 replies

GetMeATomCollins · 17/04/2026 19:45

My DH is currently doing bedtime for the first time with our 5 month old baby son. Our routine up to now has been DH does the bath, and then I take over and feed DS to sleep.

We gave him a bottle for the first time yesterday of expressed milk. He’s been exclusively breastfed from the breast until then. He didn’t get on well with the bottle yesterday but we tried again today and he did a little better.

I can hear our baby screaming as DH is valiantly battling on with the bottle of expressed milk and the bedtime routine. I feel bad for my DH and awful for our son.

Have we done this terribly? Is this going to scar our son for life? I just keep thinking he must be so confused about why I’m not there. I feel so terrible and like I’m going to pass out. I’m wearing headphones to try to hear the crying less.

The reason is that we have an event on Sunday that I need to attend, so DH will need to do bedtime. So this is our practice run.

Please reassure me. Will it get better? Is this going to give our gorgeous son attachment issues? Is this essentially cry it out?

I feel so awful.

OP posts:

Overthebow · 17/04/2026 19:56

Is the event this Sunday? It’s quite soon if you’ve only introduced a bottle yesterday. Bed time will be fine though, his dad is there and the Pugh it may be stressful it’s just one night.

MyOlivePlayer · 17/04/2026 19:54

No, it's not crying it out, a familiar person is there providing comfort.

But of you feel uncomfortable, go in and do it together

Original poster

GetMeATomCollins · 17/04/2026 19:54

Yeah I’ve been cooking with headphones in to try to distract myself. The crying has stopped a little but it was intense for about 40 minutes. @TheStepboardisfullofbitteroddos this is good advice re DH getting baby to sleep in different ways. In fact this was fine when he was on paternity leave as he was often putting DS to sleep and into his cot by rocking him, whereas I would just feed him to sleep. But then he went back to work and I just took over the nights 😩

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 17/04/2026 19:54

Oh you poor thing, it is horrible sitting there listening.

He is going to be fine. He is with his dad. Have you ever had a night (or day) where he was just crying and you didn't know what to do? He came through that, didn't he?

I would put a time limit on it - say ten more minutes, and if it's not working, then DH should come out of the bedroom and do something else, perhaps distract him a bit by talking to him or playing a game or walk around and jiggle him. Try the milk if he seems tired or hungry. Eventually (IME) the baby will fall asleep and DH can transition him to the cot. Sometimes they get unsettled when everything else about their bedtime routine is the same but this one thing is different. Does DH ever get him to sleep for naps at all?

Go for a walk around the block if you need to. Text DH so he knows where you're going.

Or actually, DH used to take DS3 for walks in his pram in the evening to get him to sleep. It was the only thing which worked for him.

Lou7171 · 17/04/2026 19:51

No, his dad's there. Watch TV or go for a walk?

TheStepboardisfullofbitteroddos · 17/04/2026 19:50

Go for a walk, leave the house otherwise you'll just be tempted to go and help. Set a limit on how long you'd be happy to leave it and return then whether that's 5 mins, 10mins or 4hrs.

Best breastfeeding advice is always make sure dad can put the baby to sleep in their own way. I fed mine to sleep but their dad could alwasy do bedtime and naps without issue. Let them work it out. Baby is safe with a parent.

I would also add expressed milk might not be the way forward, a brest fed baby isn't going to fall asleep on a bottle if they're not used to it. I'd advise dad to so stories and songs, rocking/ cuddles in the dark with white noise or similar.

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