AIBU to not enjoy other people’s “events”?

Yes. Friendships require effort. And it’s about give and take.

I think many people have stopped trying (not saying this is you). They just want to stay at home. And prefer people to dogs 😂

Tbh I think you’re either a social butterfly or you’re not. They’ll be loads of people who love their friends, it’s their whole life and everything they do is so exciting and such fun. Other people like me just find that draining. As I said in my previous post, it’s ok, whatever category you fall into.

i once read about the 5 coins theory. Everyone starts the day with 5 coins. Normally the extroverts amongst us, love their 5 coins, they can’t wait to use them. They use their five coins to make more coins. Every interaction, every conversation, every plan and social event buoys up their 5 coins. They feel fantastic.

people like me , let’s say more introverted, start their day with 5 coins. Every interaction, every conversation, every plan or social event uses one of their coins, they feel completely depleted by the end of the day. They’re poor and worn out.

me personally, my coins go down quite quickly. And I’m aware of that. The more the day or the event goes on, my coins are being spent. Whilst my husband who is the absolute opposite to me, is loving all his coins, it’s like putting them in a slot machine and he’s winning loads back 🤩🤣

luckily for me we like to spend our coins together. Mine don’t feel depleted by being with him or going out with him, and his are still buoyant because we’re out and about and still interacting.

life is how you look at it 🫶🫶

( if you’re interested in the coin theory, there are some if you google it…some talk about starting with 100 coins etc..it’s all the same theory and how people “spend “ their coins throughout the day)

I have a friend group who love a big, overcomplicated itinerary at meet ups and it leaves me cold. Like, get up for a spin class, then tickets to an exhibition, then a pre-planned tour of insta places.

Drives me batty that we never do the same thing for more than an hour at a time and can't just mooch or try somewhere spontaneously.

(My husband and I do this thing of "one drink per venue" on holiday, and we pick at random and all the funniest memories are of hidden gems or absolute dives.)

@Saltedcaramelicecream the only time my son's disability actually serves a purpose; I am not available for these occasions unless my son is invited too. No need to say that I rather be home with him🤫

I love weddings and birthdays, hen does hit or miss depending on the people. I HATE a christening with a passion, I am not keen on babies and not religious so they are not my fave. Don't really like a baby shower either 🤣
Does anyone like baby showers?!

It depends on the person who is having the celebration - I have a very dear friend who I love to bits who really enjoys all out, footballer’s wives style celebrations which aren’t my scene at all, so I find anything she throws fairly hard work. Conversely I’ve been to some lovely weddings and birthdays of people I’m not as close to as they are more my ‘style’.
Don’t get me wrong, if someone I’d only known for 8 months invited me to a WAG style knees up I’d probably say no but the right people are worth the effort and potential discomfort

I think everyone likes to do very different things and that’s ok. I’m very very old. I love to travel, I love a road trip, I love an adventure. But only with my husband, I don’t want to have think about other people, I wouldn’t enjoy it otherwise…to keep worrying about what the others want to do or having to keep talking about arrangements so it’s inclusive for everyone. It would just take away the fun of it for me.

I couldn’t bear to go to bottomless brunch or a spa. I couldn’t really muster up the energy to go to coffee or lunch really. They just don’t interest me. I don’t think that makes me a bad person. I’ve come to an age where I’ve worked out what I like and what I don’t and it’s ok to enjoy my husband, my adult kids, my grandkids and my hobbies.

i used to have so so much social anxiety. I used to attend things that I’d literally would worry about weeks before. But I went because it was the done thing to do. I’ve found it so freeing now I’ve had the confidence to say no. And believe me it’s taken me years of practice to say no. I used to waffle along, cringing inwardly trying to find something to come up with as to why I couldn’t go…and it took such confidence to be able to say “sorry I can’t do that, have a great time”. “I can’t come but you have an amazing time”. “I can’t give my time to that right now but I know you’ll have a brilliant night”. And it’s taken years of practice.

i must admit I enjoy weddings and christenings, but that’s normally a family related thing and I come from a fairly big family so it would be a chance to see everyone. I don’t enjoy parties as such but they’re few and far between. I’ve been to a couple of big birthday ones recently for family…tbh I enjoyed it more than I thought and was pleased after that I went.

i don’t think it makes you a bad person if you don’t want to go do these things. As long as you don’t let people down though, I do think that’s a different kettle of fish. If I say I’m going, I will go. I have a family member who accepts every invitation and never turns up, every time. She’s even made family change dates and times for her when setting up like a Christmas get together…and then never turns up anyway! It gives her a bad name and people are disappointed, I wouldn’t ever do that.

but sure we’re all adults, life too short to be doing things we don’t want to do

I totally agree, dislike them all and will turn them down if possible. Not everyone likes the same things and if you see you friends in other ways that should be enough. That being said I would not decline someones wedding, christening ect if I am close to them.

I hate other people's events too OP. It's because I hate meeting up with large groups of people especially if I don't know half of them and I really hate having to spend money on something that I don't even want to go to. I'd much rather see friends one to one or in a very small group.

I totally agree OP. I am 50 now, I enjoy family weddings (and more often these days funerals- we live all over the UK and it turns into a proper scottish wake). But spending 100s (if not 1000s) on a forced event which is all about the likes is a no go. My peak was in the 90s though, all the best nights out and get together were not really planned or orchestrated. I a weird mix of being very sociable but also ultimately quite shy.

Same! I will only attend if i know im going to enjoy the company and guaranteed fun! (But it took me a long time to get to this point!)

HATE baby showers and Hen dos. In fact I would never attend either ever again. Weddings and birthday parties are good if there are friends/family attending. But only every now and then, like 2 or 3 social occasions a year!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable - you like what you like! I can’t relate to this (I can understand why you feel like you do), my friends are wonderful and I love celebrating their events with them. I’ve luckily not been to any celebration where they have made it all about them. It’s just been having a fun time with all the people they love. I feel great being included in that. I really look forward to all the events my friends have, it’s a guaranteed great day/night out!!

Family events are great (for me) as we all get along well and have good fun and teasing etc. when together. That would include weddings, christenings, birthdays, Summer BBQ get togethers etc.

What I do NOT enjoy are events where I don't know the guests very well, so events of acquaintances, colleagues, and others outside the family circle. I'm grateful to be asked to attend, but over the years I've realised that I don't enjoy making small talk with people I don't really know, and with whom I don't have a lot in common. It is very tiring at a lengthy event like a wedding.

More and more I decline the latter.

You do you. I'm quite a quiet person but I love a celebration of any description. I'll have low energy for a few days after but the actual event i usually enjoy.

In my life, friends matter much indeed.

I’ve only been to one hen do and never been to a baby shower (I’m older) but I absolutely love all the other things on the list.