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Original poster

AIBU to feel grief and jealousy over friends having more children?

41 replies

Cameraobscura89 · 17/04/2026 16:41

I’m really struggling emotionally after a couple of recent pregnancy announcements from close friends.

One friend is expecting her fourth baby and another has just had her scan for her second. I’m genuinely happy for them, but it’s brought up a lot of jealousy, FOMO, and sadness for me that I didn’t expect to feel this strongly.

I have one DS (7) and, due to my mental health, neurodiversity, and lack of family support nearby, I don’t think I can go through pregnancy and the baby years again. Logically I know that’s the right decision for me, my DP and my son, but emotionally I feel a lot of grief about the life I’m not
going to have.
My DS didn’t sleep alone for basically the first four years of his life, so it was extremely difficult.

My DS is also friends with one of their children and when I told him, he immediately asked if I could have a baby too, which has really unsettled me and made me question things even more.

I’m finding myself stuck between:

  • being happy for my friends
  • feeling jealous and left behind
  • grieving the idea of another baby
  • worrying about my son missing out

Has anyone else felt like this when friends move into a different stage of life? Does it settle down, or do you just sit with it and accept it?

Any reassurance or perspective would be really appreciated.

OP posts:
Netcurtainnelly · 17/04/2026 17:15

Be thankful for what you have, not what you haven't.

Muteduck · 17/04/2026 17:14

Op enjoy just the one child, hes getting bigger now and your getting more free time.
When all the others are stuck with sleepless nights and dirty nappies.

SiberFox · 17/04/2026 17:13

You feel what you feel OP. I also have an only and sometimes wish I had more and feel jealous or sad. It passes if I don’t linger on it, and I make sure to notice the good things about our life too. I had recurrent miscarriage and thought I might never have a child. I’m so lucky. Some of my friends and family are childless not by choice. I don’t take this for granted.

NotAnotherScarf · 17/04/2026 17:10

Being an only child is fantastic. No sharing , undivided attention.

Netcurtainnelly · 17/04/2026 17:08

no, not envious, life gets way more stressful and expensive the more children you have and there's no guarantee how it will all turn out

SusanChurchouse · 17/04/2026 16:58

I empathise. I wanted 2 and had 2 but DC2 is autistic and it impacts quite severely on our lives. I get envious and look at others with 2 kids going on nice trips and holidays, seeing their 2 children playing together, getting back to work as their kids become more and more independent etc. I also look at families with one child and envy their ability to spend time as a 3 and not have to split themselves to meet each child’s needs. My life would certainly be a lot easier if I had stopped after 1. On a bad day I envy my child free friends……

It’s about acknowledging it, and learning to look for the joys in the life you have. And congratulating yourself on making a tough decision that’s best for your family.

CrescentMoonLanding · 17/04/2026 16:53

Bendallbee · 17/04/2026 16:50

I honestly applaud you. You should be really proud of yourself for making such a hard decision when a lot of people that shouldn't have any children at all, churn them out like hot cross buns.

I completely understand how you must feel seeing friends go onto have more children but speaking for myself, having three children, the third of which is disabled, I do spend a lot of time worrying and thinking about how much more time I'd have be able to give my older two had we not had the third 😢

Your boy is going to have your undivided love and attention and honestly, that is worth it's weight in gold and is the best thing you can do for both of you ❤️

What a lovely kind reply which certainly makes me feel better as the parent of an only who also feels the pangs!

colddampspring · 17/04/2026 16:52

Sure but she hasn’t said she’s going to start TTC tonight or anything 😂 She is just feeling what she feels 🤷‍♀️

Annoyingdoor · 17/04/2026 16:51

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Bendallbee · 17/04/2026 16:50

I honestly applaud you. You should be really proud of yourself for making such a hard decision when a lot of people that shouldn't have any children at all, churn them out like hot cross buns.

I completely understand how you must feel seeing friends go onto have more children but speaking for myself, having three children, the third of which is disabled, I do spend a lot of time worrying and thinking about how much more time I'd have be able to give my older two had we not had the third 😢

Your boy is going to have your undivided love and attention and honestly, that is worth it's weight in gold and is the best thing you can do for both of you ❤️

colddampspring · 17/04/2026 16:50

Sounds normal enough to me.

Annoyingdoor · 17/04/2026 16:49

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colddampspring · 17/04/2026 16:47

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I’m going to sound dense now but - huh?!

Anyway … it’s hard being out of sync with your friends. If you’re the first to have a baby while they are childfree or the last, when they have moved past the baby years, or if they stay at one while you have an another or in this case if they go on to have more children while you have the one. It evens out eventually. But it is hard.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 17/04/2026 16:45

colddampspring · 17/04/2026 16:43

It’s understandable. I always feel a little bit of longing whenever I see a pregnant woman. I don’t want any more, it’s just strange at times knowing that chapter of my life is complete and I won’t be returning to it.

Me too! I'm well past childbearing years but I still get a little pang that it's all over for me.

OP, can you console yourself with the thought that they now have to go through the sleepless nights and potty training and the mess and destruction that go hand in hand with toddlers, while you are onto a more serene part of parenting? Your friends might well start envying you, when they've been up all night and you're at the stage where you can take your child to nice places.

Annoyingdoor · 17/04/2026 16:45

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colddampspring · 17/04/2026 16:43

It’s understandable. I always feel a little bit of longing whenever I see a pregnant woman. I don’t want any more, it’s just strange at times knowing that chapter of my life is complete and I won’t be returning to it.

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