To be enraged at my DH’s WFH laziness

In my job - office based -I often have to try and contact people who are WFH and more often than not I can’t get hold of them. It’s infuriating.

Can you give some background to the fact that he never makes an evening meal?

And when you say that the housework waits till the weekend, do you mean that he shares it with you at the weekend or he expects you to do it?

In a partnership you both bring different things to the table but should generally get the same down time. If he gets 2 hours a day nap, while you are rushing around and putting dinner on etc when you get home, you're going to get to the end of the week and feel knackered while he's going to feel refreshed. He should therefore be doing more at the weekends as you'll need some downtime. I suggest he starts cooking in the week. Also should he be considering either asking for more work in case he gets found out. Or putting in a flexible working request on the basis that its probably a normal job work of work if he condenses what he has to do into 4 days. He could then do childcare or all the housework on the other day

Why doesn't he cook half the meals at least? He's the one home?

Did you get a Klaxon call from some sub-reddit to plop on to this thread?

He is taking the piss out of both you and his job. I would be absolutely livid. His job is obviously a lot easier than yours so he should be doing more around the house. No way should you be dealing with dinner after your long work day when he has time for a 2 hour nap.

If he needs a nap then fair enough but 20/30 minutes is enough, that's what is recommended. Sounds like he's a selfish or thoughtfulness shit if he leaves dinner to you. Not an equal division of labor.

Lazy sod,

I WFH and if its a quiet work day, I will do housework and/or prep dinner.

I'm astonished that anyone working in government has time to have a nap. Most people are completely stretched and stressed with barely time to have a cuppa

Feminism is to blame for people abusing WFH?

I thought civil servants were on 60% in the office

Selfish, lazy and dishonest. I couldn’t respect a man like that.

With the job I tend to think if he’s getting the work done and his team aren’t overwhelmed I wouldn’t really bother about it. In a way if you don’t like your job or feel
like you’re doing more than him, the solution is to change jobs or ask him to change rather then him work differently in the one he has.

That said, if he’s got time for a nap he’s got time to do a bit more around the house. Personally I think you should pop off for a nap every weekend for a couple of hours whilst he batch cooks and cleans.

Taxpayer funded napping. Yet another reason the country is broke

You’re not his manager so no you have no right to be annoyed about what he does at work.

You do have a right to be annoyed that he never cooks dinner though, why is it always your job?

I also think it’s unfair to call yourself the breadwinner because you earn more, he is still on a decent enough salary and working for local government is always going to pay less than working in the private sector

Didn't we all suspect this was what was happening?

Although a friend of mine who worked for our local council for a time, said she was staggered by how little work they managed to do when they were working in the office.

I also work in the public sector and if my colleagues were taking naps for 2 hours I wouldn’t be surprised.

No he shouldn’t be napping but he shouldn’t be using the time for household jobs either. It sounds like he doesn’t have enough work to do, which honestly is not as enjoyable as it sounds - I am in the same boat!

fair point i miss read your comment

He is public sector. Nothing will happen. No one will care.

I'm not specifically talking about WFH. I asked why any reasonably healthy and relatively young person would take regular naps in the day. It seems unusual, unless obviously they have health issues or a new baby perhaps.

Also OP you’ve called yourself the breadwinner, I think you meant to say the Main breadwinner because to be fair he works as well.

Presumably without his “breadwinning” on top of your own, you wouldn’t be able to pay all the bills. You may well be earning more but his income isn’t an insignificant financial contribution.

If he’s getting his work done I don’t know it’s that big a deal considering you hear of people doing their shopping, kid’s collections etc. I never wfh but get an hour lunch and 20 minute break too. I think a nap sounds like a good thing and we should all be taking/ getting them!!!

This isn’t really about WFH , this is about your husband being lazy and a communication breakdown in your relationship .

I don’t even live with my boyfriend but know his schedule when he’s WFH, how long he takes a break for etc. its very telling that you only found out now.

And why should you -the one who is out of the house all day and working longer hours - be solely responsible for dinner on weekdays? Why is this the current setup? When are you going to speak up about it?

For goodness sake 2 hour nap or not, he should at least be doing half if not the majority of dinners during the week. Does he at least do the clearing up after you cook?

Can he cut his nap to one hour on his lunch break and also take some small breaks to prep the evening meal?

Sounds like you're jealous OP! For 35k a year I don't blame him one bit to be honest.

Why do you care? Are you his boss?