To be enraged at my DH’s WFH laziness

I voted YABU as you have apparently married a lazy bugger. Sorry OP, but he is taking the piss out of work (and being the very example of why local government jobs get bad press), taking the piss out of WFH (and being the very example of why WFH gets bad press), and using spare time to have a nap (and being the very example of why husbands get bad press). And you are putting up with it. Hopefully not for much longer.

He needs a list every day of stuff he needs to do.

Your right to be annoyed that you are coming home to have to everything each night. Tell him you want the commuting hour to be spent on preparing food or cleaning up.

As for the 2 hour nap. Yeah black and white it is not good. But if he is actually doing all his work tasks needed in the time he spends, then I don't see much difference it makes to bosses than if he was sat there looking at the screen.

I work in private sector and wfh 4 times a week. 2 of those weeks I will often work lage because of deadlines, the other 2 I sometimes have not much to do in the day. This was no different when I worked in an office every day, we would waste those days chatting instead or making spreadsheets extra pretty to keep busy. My last office day 1 woman who is fantastic and achieves great results was saying she was bored and had nothing to do so spend around 2 hours on Facebook. We couldn't not have her as her who else would do her work to her standard. Others we were having around 20 min non work related chats. I actually worked on the next day to catch up as my role is different and I had deadlines that week. Others throughout the last year have had to before covid take themselves to work in a room alone to get work done due to the chat and distraction. I don't think there is much difference between your guy sleeping for the extra hour or the office staff gossiping or non productive time filling which I and others have done a lot of in the past (pretty spead sheets do look good though)

I don't think its normal to sleep for 2 hours in the middle of the day every day. What does he do on the weekend?

You’re NBU to be annoyed by the unequal split of chores - he needs to share in the dinner prep. But it sounds like the issue with his nap is just jealousy. If he can take a 2 hour nap every day and still get all his work done, why shouldn’t he? Plenty of jobs are based on deliverables rather than constant availability. I’m a freelance consultant on a high day rate, I charge for 8 hours a day but I don’t work all 8. Sometimes I too have a 3-hour nap. As long as I’m available at agreed times like meetings and deliver the project by the deadline nobody cares or is checking in on what I do with every hour of the day. Absolutely if you have the freedom and flexibility to take the piss out of work and get paid for napping, you should. We spend enough of our lives being fucked over by work as a system it’s fair game to claw back those little victories as far as I’m concerned. You’d never catch me working beyond my contracted hours either.

You must be joking. Public sector is a job for life. They can't be sacked.

Why isn't DH getting dinner ready when he's working from home so much and you're working compressed and long hours?

That would piss me off more than his nap. Who cares what he does at work as long as he pulls his weight around the house and the family properly?

I can't believe it. Men are no longer the main breadwinners but still behaving as if they are. Honestly.

I think the person who should be most enraged here is his employer. It's people like your DH who give those who wfh a bad name, those who have never done it think we all nip to the gym, walk the dog, do housework or even have a nap when we wfh. On my wfh days I have a little more time in the morning and evening with no travel to work to get a bit done and also prepare tea or a bit of housework during my lunch but otherwise my workload and whereabouts are monitored.

He needs to be asking his boss for enough work to fill his day. A 2hr nap while being paid for a days work? This is cheeky f**kery at its finest

wow absolutely out of order that you are out the house yet expected to do the bulk of chores and dinner! I WFH permanently and the bread winner currently whereas partner is a tradie but out all day. I will do the chores and the dinner because its fair and I have the time in the day to do it as well as my job. im fine with it this way (also means things get done my way 🤣)

Is he up all night w@@@ing to p@@n?

Get over yourself this is about a lazy arse not government workers

Local govt isn’t civil service. It’s completely separate.

It’s not wfh or local govt or anything else that’s the problem though - it’s this individual man!

This! I’ve struggled to put into words how outrageous this is so borrowing this post!

It’s both that he’s cheating his work and that he’s cheating his family (well you) by putting his nap above getting things done. All whilst you’re compressing your hours to spend a day with little one, and doing various chores after work that he could be doing!

If he does need a power nap, 20-30 mins is absolutely sufficient- as a lunch break. But needing a nap every day is unusual for an adult who isn’t elderly.

Start making him do more. He won't offer. He has more time than you. Let him use it wisely.

Wow, he could have an hour and a half nap and still do dinner, lazy bastard. Better still he could have no nap, pull his weight and be a decent employee and husband that doesn't take the piss out of the tax payer and his wife.

also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm. He does do the odd laundry and keeps on top of the kitchen but other than this the housework waits until the weekend.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. He can do his own laundry and cook his own meals.

Point out that he may be able to defraud his employer, but not his partner. 50/50 on everything from this point: childcare and domestic stuff. Neither of which require specific genitals so he can fucking sort himself out.

Lazy bastard. Start going out at weekends.

Nice to see this quickly descended into a 'lets bash council workers' thread. A lazy person is a lazy person regardless of where they work.

That said, if this was my husband I'd be reading him the riot act for not pulling his weight both round the house and work wise.

@21ZIGGY council workers are not civil servants. Don't get the same pension for a start.

Just start delegating:

'Pete, the mince is defrosting on the counter, just make up the Bolognese and then boil a pack of pasta to go with it. Onions/carrots etc in the fridge for the Bolognese'

After about a year you won't need to micromanage a grown man into making a Bolognese, he'll develop initiative and do it himself. Hopefully.

Unless he's asleep.

Disappointing isn't it? And a huge, huge turn off.

Yup, it’s just one bloke taking a long lunch. Maybe.

Have considered that you might be a tad naive?

Stop being a martyr and let him do more

There is zero reward for breaking your back with these men

This makes my piss boil for so many reasons. Firstly as a woman who is married and has a 'partner' you should be a team. So if he doesn't have enough work he could get a few things done at home to take the pressure off you in the evenings and at weekends, no doubt you do the majority of chores at the weekend too? Secondly I WFH 👨‍💻 occasionally but mostly in a busy office, the WFH days are without a doubt the easiest days and I get more done without distractions so I don't think he needs a nap. If he does need one every day he needs to see the GP. Thirdly as a small business owner employing 10 people he is absolutely taking the piss, but no doubt even if they wanted to fire him (which they should) they probably can't because of all the red tape. £36,000 Pa isn't a bad salary for an easy WFH job. He should be ashamed of himself and the example he is setting to his children. You should be more angry in my opinion, I completely agree with you.

That's out of order if he's literally meant to be working. Have none of his colleagues noticed when they need decisions or meetings or bits of work at short notice?

If he's allowed naps then you should be allowed either a two hour nap or two hours doing something you enjoy each day to make it fair.

I also need to get dinner ready after work every night after being out the house 6am-5.30pm.

I don’t understand why he’s not doing it.

Yes he’s ‘at work’ but he could easily prep this in the time he was meant to commute.

I used to WFH and although I don’t like it, the one thing I did like was that I was able to do my job plus do all of the cooking and cleaning in the time I would normally leave and get home in my non-WFH job.

I’m back to not WFH so I’m happier but there’s a lot to do when I get home and I would be so annoyed if I had someone WFH and the dinner wasn’t even prepped!!

Agree 100%. I was in a similar situation myself yesterday. That PP who thinks WFH people are slacking is really complaining that she misses being in the office and being able to see the person with their head down, in order to verify that they are not responding because they are working. Real lack of trust there.

That doesn't mean they arent working. I 've changed jobs now but in my old job I WFH and was often in solid back to back teams meetings and struggled to even get a chance to wee never mind have a lunch break! Not being able to get hold of someone doesn't mean they aren't working

In my current role we record all our time (in house legal, public sector ). I largely WFH and regularly do 50 plus hours a week. On a good day I get a quick lunch break. And I am experienced and work efficiently. And I only finished at 5 today because I started at 7.30 am and worked through lunch. A client rang me twice and messaged me the other morning but I was in a meeting negotiating a complex document. Someone not replying to you doesn't tell you anything about how hard they work. In fact the busier I am the less responsive I am able to be - I just have to let some stuff slide.

Glad to know my hard earned taxes are paying for your bloody lazy DH to catch flies.