To be enraged at my DH’s WFH laziness

To be completely honest, I work from home - though I am self employed. I have a nap almost every day. I still get just as much done in the working day as I would with the distractions of an office. I'm not on the clock as I get paid per project no matter how long it takes.

As long as his company are happy with his output, I think.. don't hate the player, hate the game.

Cut and pasting my response from a thread from yesterday. I'm literally going to do this daily from now on as it's almost universally applicable to any MN thread where a DH is involved:

Christ, why are women not raging, marching, throwing bottles on the street, something, anything?!
Post after post on MN showing that as a general rule men are habitually fucking cunts to women.
And don't NAMALT me - all men benefit from the bad things that bad men do to women, because women don't know which ones are the bad ones so they learn to behave, to tiptoe around men, to put their needs first, to not see the incredible inequality in even the most liberal homes.
So unless your lovely DH is challenging other men (and the system more broadly) every time he sees bad things done to women - HE'S FUCKING LIKE THAT.
And so often, women are so gaslit/socialised/worn down that they can't even see what's going on. Literally the whole structure of society is dedicated to making sure that continues to be the case, because can you imagine if women just said, fuck this, I'm being exploited and abused by this man and the system I live in, but now I'm saying No.

Have you not balanced a book on the space bar?

He needs to be pulling his weight. In his “nap time” he could be catching up with chores and prepping a meal! I’d be fuming. You need a full on rethink of your domestic arrangements.

I mean you can do whatever on your lunchbreak, have a wank if you want but not sleep on the job!

THIS. I wouldn’t give two hoots if he were cheating work time, as long as he pulled his weight when it comes to the household and family.

First of all why does he need a 2 hour nap every single day? That’s crazy. is he ok??

I WFH 3 days a week and have young children who get up constantly in the night, I am shattered most days, but I don’t nap during work hours and honestly that takes some discipline some days.

I spend the majority of my lunch break time and any small time I have here and there doing things around the house, prepping dinner etc.

Is it definitely every day? What’s his nighttime sleep like if has a 2 hr day nap? I can’t believe he can even get away with it. Like, does no one from work message him on Teams? He must appear yellow on Teams all that time but his boss doesn’t care?

does he have a medical condition?

I feel it ruins WFH for everyone!

🤔🤔🤔

I wish!

My LA laptop has a timer on it that shows as ‘away’ if the keyboard isn’t touched for three minutes. This is set centrally by the LA and cannot be changed.

How does your DH get round this @Plydrm?

Thank you for saying this, as most government workers i know are actually working 7 hours extra a week with 15min breaks in a day. Believe me, it's not glamorous. It's far far harder and stressful than my private sector roles. Where i will add i worked with many people who would have "client lunches" of 2 hours plus, aka shopping trips... It's not a sector thing, it's a lazy person thing where they can get away with it. No doubt some of his colleagues pick up the slack not realising it, working those 7 hours extra a week... I have seen this once in my civil service career. This person was found out and dismissed.

The nap wouldn't bother me IF he was getting a lot done around the house. Honestly if I could nap a couple of hours a day I would be a better person overall. But there's no way I would nap for two hours when dinner needs to be prepped and other chores could be done during that time.

Like him I am not the main breadwinner (for context I’m a woman) and wfh every day of the week. In comparison I work compressed hours 5 days in 4, I have a 16 month old who is in nursery on those days but who I look after on a Friday. My job is client based so I work non stop all day 8am-6pm, no breaks except for 20min dog walk. I also manage to find time to keep the whole house clean, do laundry and make all of the dinners every night.

It’s unfair in a lot of ways that I do everything, but your husband is the total other end of the spectrum to me.

Unless he has a sleep disorder overnight he should be doing lots of housework every single day with nothing for you to do in the evenings or weekends and doesn’t need to nap during the nap as a grown man.

A former colleague told me they used to take a nap during work hours. I didn't care, because they got all their work done, and nobody above realised because they got things done according to targets set. Fair play to them.

£36k is a low salary for someone mid-career, given minimum wage now is around £23k a year.

This with knobs on.

I'm enraged on your behalf OP.

Why's he not making dinner the nights you are in the office? I'm assuming he's finished early and already home so no commute.

That is complete nonsense and not true.

Wooing a pigeon??

If so LTB

We have an agile working policy. As long as you get your work done your and targets met, you could elect to have a nap during the day. I’d not have an issue with this. Where I work (and it’s also local government), the days of being ‘on the clock’ are thankfully long gone. I manage a large team. They could be in the pub for all I know. I don’t care as they are all doing a great job and exceeding their targets.

The division of domestic duties in general is what’s wrong here, OP. Why are you cooking dinner every night if you don’t want to? Sod that.

exactly why WFH has a bad rep. He can blooming well prepare dinner at lunch instead of sleeping. Joke.

I sometimes have a longer lunch hour. My reasoning is I start early and generally work when unwell (if working from home). I know I do so much more work when doing WFH.
so maybe he is doing the same?
what you’re annoyed about is the responsibility of household chores and him not doing enough - you’re conflating the two.

Do you ask for extra work if you have time to chat non work related matters in your working day at the office?

35k a year is a decent wage I earn less then that not working from home and barely have time to pee

I am enraged too, as behaviour like this will spell the end of working from home eventually. Companies are already creeping up the number of required days in the office and it’s because of examples like this.