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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry he locked us in while ill?

167 replies

BeDandyFawn · 17/04/2026 11:54

My husband has been away with work this week, he called me from the airport to say he was feeling unwell with a bug, he had fever, chills, upset stomach, headache and said he might even go straight to a hotel when he lands instead of driving the 40 mins home.
When he landed I got a text to say that he will stay in our self contained unit which we are very lucky to have, it’s right next to the house - bedroom, bathroom, TV, kitchenette.
He asked for the heating to go on, my daughter and I made sure everything was comfortable - we left a huge jug of water, glass, paracetamol and some Dioralyte.
I then went to bed and he then came across to the house - grabbed the kettle and then took the back door keys and locked the door from the outside leaving me, my daughter and her boyfriend locked in the house!!!
I was absolutely furious when I realised he had done this when I came downstairs, I know it sounds utterly pathetic but I do have a real issue that he doesn’t think of others and always prioritises himself. I text him to say how cross I was and he said he’s been vomiting, and poorly throughout the night. He said he locked us in and kept the keys in “incase he needed to access the house in the night because he was poorly”….he’s mid 40’s and has a sickness bug!!
I know this sounds like such a pathetic ramble but I am so cross that he would lock us in, we have a front door but it has steep steps and following a recent operation I can’t use this. I just feel there is no thought for us, he’s sick so everything revolves around him - I feel it’s so selfish, it’s like there is no consideration for others, he gets what he needs but it doesn’t matter about the rest of us.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Inspectors · 17/04/2026 22:33

Pherian · 17/04/2026 22:01

No you will not.

If you have full cognitive capacity, yes you will.

Inspectors · 17/04/2026 22:32

UnNiddeRides · 17/04/2026 22:07

Ah. So in fact nobody was locked in as they could all use the front door.

Correct.
Nobody was locked inside the house.
Sure, the back door was locked.
But they could just let themselves out of the front door.
So easy.

UnNiddeRides · 17/04/2026 22:07

Inspectors · 17/04/2026 21:34

Some people live in flats or apartments and only have one front door. No other door. They're not all dying in fires.
The OP is not disabled.
And she can get up and down stairs:
"I was absolutely furious when I realised he had done this when I came downstairs"

Ah. So in fact nobody was locked in as they could all use the front door.

Pherian · 17/04/2026 22:01

Inspectors · 17/04/2026 21:12

You will have an idea of which way to go if you already know the back door has been locked from the outside by your husband and you can't get out of it. Then you go to the front door instead.
It's not hard.

No you will not.

Inspectors · 17/04/2026 21:34

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/04/2026 21:21

And if you already know you can't go out the front door because of having had surgery or you live with a disability? Or the house is filled with smoke/the smoke is thicker and there's an orange glow that's more intense by the front door where maybe you might be able to hurl yourself down ten steps or more in the hope that you only break a few bones instead of succumbing to smoke inhalation?

It's very hard - and results in people dying in fires.

Some people live in flats or apartments and only have one front door. No other door. They're not all dying in fires.
The OP is not disabled.
And she can get up and down stairs:
"I was absolutely furious when I realised he had done this when I came downstairs"

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/04/2026 21:21

Inspectors · 17/04/2026 21:12

You will have an idea of which way to go if you already know the back door has been locked from the outside by your husband and you can't get out of it. Then you go to the front door instead.
It's not hard.

And if you already know you can't go out the front door because of having had surgery or you live with a disability? Or the house is filled with smoke/the smoke is thicker and there's an orange glow that's more intense by the front door where maybe you might be able to hurl yourself down ten steps or more in the hope that you only break a few bones instead of succumbing to smoke inhalation?

It's very hard - and results in people dying in fires.

Inspectors · 17/04/2026 21:12

Pherian · 17/04/2026 19:23

You should not be locked into your home from any door. You have no idea which way you will be able to go in the event of an emergency.

You will have an idea of which way to go if you already know the back door has been locked from the outside by your husband and you can't get out of it. Then you go to the front door instead.
It's not hard.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/04/2026 20:20

Hadenough32 · 17/04/2026 19:31

So your daughter and her boyfriend can use the front door? So saying you're all locked in is massively ott. Do you not like your husband? He's been away and come home ili, sent to sleep separately and wakes up to you being annoyed with him..Hope he stays in the hotel next time.

The OP says she cannot navigate the steep steps at the front of the property following an operation. Which means he effectively deliberately trapped her inside as much as he would by taking away a wheelchair.

I wouldn't like somebody who did that, either, even without the bit about being an abusive alcoholic and liar.

Andouillette · 17/04/2026 19:53

Butterme · 17/04/2026 16:46

So you wanted him to keep the door unlocked all night?

He absolutely did the right thing.

Surely someone has an extra set of keys for one of the doors?!

You’re accusing him and implying something quite horrific when that’s not how it is at all.

You don’t sound like a very nice person.

Amazing coincidence, you don't sound very nice either.

Hadenough32 · 17/04/2026 19:31

So your daughter and her boyfriend can use the front door? So saying you're all locked in is massively ott. Do you not like your husband? He's been away and come home ili, sent to sleep separately and wakes up to you being annoyed with him..Hope he stays in the hotel next time.

Pherian · 17/04/2026 19:23

Inspectors · 17/04/2026 18:19

If it 'wasn't at all clear from the OP', then how did I manage to deduce it from her post?
To quote a line from the OP within the text of her post:
"We have a front door".

You should not be locked into your home from any door. You have no idea which way you will be able to go in the event of an emergency.

Pherian · 17/04/2026 19:21

BeDandyFawn · 17/04/2026 11:54

My husband has been away with work this week, he called me from the airport to say he was feeling unwell with a bug, he had fever, chills, upset stomach, headache and said he might even go straight to a hotel when he lands instead of driving the 40 mins home.
When he landed I got a text to say that he will stay in our self contained unit which we are very lucky to have, it’s right next to the house - bedroom, bathroom, TV, kitchenette.
He asked for the heating to go on, my daughter and I made sure everything was comfortable - we left a huge jug of water, glass, paracetamol and some Dioralyte.
I then went to bed and he then came across to the house - grabbed the kettle and then took the back door keys and locked the door from the outside leaving me, my daughter and her boyfriend locked in the house!!!
I was absolutely furious when I realised he had done this when I came downstairs, I know it sounds utterly pathetic but I do have a real issue that he doesn’t think of others and always prioritises himself. I text him to say how cross I was and he said he’s been vomiting, and poorly throughout the night. He said he locked us in and kept the keys in “incase he needed to access the house in the night because he was poorly”….he’s mid 40’s and has a sickness bug!!
I know this sounds like such a pathetic ramble but I am so cross that he would lock us in, we have a front door but it has steep steps and following a recent operation I can’t use this. I just feel there is no thought for us, he’s sick so everything revolves around him - I feel it’s so selfish, it’s like there is no consideration for others, he gets what he needs but it doesn’t matter about the rest of us.
Am I being unreasonable?

Being locked in your house means in the event of an emergency - such as a fire you are trapped until Emergency Services can break in to get you out, which increases the likely hood you're going to suffer from smoke inhalation and carbon monoxide poisoning and that's if you live through it. Get spare keys made and let him know that under no circumstances should he do this again. If he does I would start to be concerned for your safety.

Dragracer · 17/04/2026 19:06

So he's staying in the self contained annex but came over just to spread his germs, take the kettle? Do you not use this? And lock you in the house?

I dont you're over reacting. You had been considerate and left him supplies. He wasnt considerate at all. He locked you in the house so that he could come and go as he pleased. Could HE not use the front door with the steps? Its not ok to lock someone in the house needing to contact you to ask permission to get out.

endofthelinefinally · 17/04/2026 18:38

Inspectors · 17/04/2026 18:19

If it 'wasn't at all clear from the OP', then how did I manage to deduce it from her post?
To quote a line from the OP within the text of her post:
"We have a front door".

With steep steps OP can't use. I suppose technically it is a fire escape though.

I admit that am very aware of fire risk, probably OTT for MN. I worked with a woman who got herself and her children out of the back door literally with a few seconds to spare, they had no chance to even grab a bag or anything. The fire was between them and the front door. They lost everything except what they were wearing, so I suppose I tend to think of worst case scenario. I am really careful about keys always in the same place, we have a fire escape window upstairs.

Anyway, I don't intend turning this into an argument, so I will bow out now.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/04/2026 18:23

Anyahyacinth · 17/04/2026 14:26

Agree about extra sets of keys unless the point is DH took both.

I'm not sure what the point of his quarantining was if he is wandering the kitchen though...

Because it had nothing to do with quarantining and everything to do with making sure that he couldn't be discovered doing whatever it was he was actually doing out there.

Inspectors · 17/04/2026 18:19

endofthelinefinally · 17/04/2026 17:47

That wasn't at all clear from the OP, which is why I qualified my response by whether there was an alternative exit.

If it 'wasn't at all clear from the OP', then how did I manage to deduce it from her post?
To quote a line from the OP within the text of her post:
"We have a front door".

SexIsNotNebulous · 17/04/2026 17:52

WTAF, why don't you have a set of keys? My DH has one, I have one and and DD has one. (We also have a spare in the house and a spare in a lock box outside the house).

endofthelinefinally · 17/04/2026 17:47

Inspectors · 17/04/2026 17:28

It's not dangerous because they could simply exit the house by the front door instead.🚶

Edited

That wasn't at all clear from the OP, which is why I qualified my response by whether there was an alternative exit.

Inspectors · 17/04/2026 17:28

endofthelinefinally · 17/04/2026 12:03

It is really dangerous to be locked inside a building, unless you have a separate fire escape.
You and your DD need your own sets of keys asap. There needs to be a spare set in a designated safe place. This is basic common sense.
Given that it sounds as if you don't have these basic things in place, what your DH did was potentially dangerous.
YANBU to be angry.
YABU to not have spare keys.

It's not dangerous because they could simply exit the house by the front door instead.🚶

rwalker · 17/04/2026 17:18

If your house is big enough to have a self contained annex then why hasn’t it got a front door and why have you only got one key

in briefly husband took the back door key no one’s been imprisoned

TheCurious0range · 17/04/2026 17:07

Could you not have called and just said we need the key back your daughter and her partner could've used the front door

PenelopePinkerton · 17/04/2026 17:01

Having just one key for a door is ridiculous.

lunar1 · 17/04/2026 17:00

I’m severely claustrophobic due to a stepmothers preferred punishment method as a child, I’d divorce my husband in a heartbeat if he locked me in anywhere! I realise I’m on the extreme end of this spectrum.

Butterme · 17/04/2026 16:58

OneNewEagle · 17/04/2026 15:01

See the other thread.

the OP is living with a horrible abusive alcoholic.

OP so sorry you were locked in its been done to me over the years and it’s demoralising and stressful. Please OP once you are better leave this appalling man.

OP has said he drinks too much and is likely an alcoholic but no where does she say he’s abusive.

She’s said he doesn’t want to spend time with her but that is not abusive.

It seems that he is working FT, caring for OP and is doing everything in the house because OP currently can’t.

He’s now ill and had a long journey, so likely not thinking straight.
But locking the door at night is the safest thing to do anyway.

For OP to imply he locked her in the house for any other reason is extremely malicious and not a nice person.

CostadiMar · 17/04/2026 16:57

But you can still go out (via the front door)? I don't understand the rant. Nobody locked you in guys, you sound mad.