AIBU to feel hurt by our childminder's abrupt goodbye?

Yes, she does, to a paying customer! Unless she is giving up the business altogether, which she’s not, she owes an explanation to the op. as the ‘personal reasons’ obviously involve the op’s dc in particular. If there are behavioural or other issues - (e.g. maybe she doesn’t care to do potty training!) - it’s the job of a responsible childminder to explain why she can no longer accommodate your dc. It’s really cowardly to avoid a potentially awkward conversation by saying ‘personal reasons’. She’s meant to be a childcare professional. You’re well rid, op, if you ask me.

Totally agree with this, she may be finding the amount of children she has taken on hard and is feeling bad she is letting others down, good byes are always awkward.

maybe she was expecting you to make the effort to do drop off since it was the last one, who knows, you weren’t there, maybe your oh is overthinking it too.

But the kids were only arriving, they were not leaving. She was going to have them all day. I know their grandmother was picking them up but I am sure she would have said goodbye to the kids then. Also, what would you have liked her to say? Sorry to see you go? Your kids were a pleasure to mind? I will miss them? Obviously none of those things were true. She did say best of luck with the new childminder. I am struggling to see what else she could have said to be honest.

I can imagine that this is upsetting. I usually try and think in these situations that the other person probably has something bigger going on and quite often that turns out to be true.

I get it. She’s been a huge part of your DCs’ lives and it is a wrench. Our childminder met a tragic end and I am still dwelling on it a year later although she stopped working with us a few years ago. Even without a premature ending or death, raising children is often compared to grief. This is the end of a pivotal relationship for you but the fanfare seems to have been one sided. I wonder if it’s worth asking whether she has any feedback for you as clients going forwards to make sure your next childminder experience runs smoothly? It could also be the ages of your DC. Perhaps there is a ratio issue? Perhaps she can’t handle toddlers of that age any more? Babies and 3/4 year olds would be easier? Perhaps she has got compassion fatigue so can’t be bothered communicating a socially acceptable goodbye?
I wish you well with your new childminder. Hopefully they will have a communication style more in line with yours.

You are not wrong to feel/be upset. But I do think you need to let it go, as the not knowing will drive you mad. Do a bit of CBT .

The childminder also doesn’t need to give you a reason either.
I wouldn’t have bought chocolate/ flowers either. Well maybe a cheap and cheerful bunch of daffodils off each child.

I didn’t read your previous thread but it seems that maybe she’s ’binned you off’ because of your children’s behaviour?
If that’s the case, what did you expect from her? That she rolled out the red carpet and welcomed the children with a fanfare?
All seems a bit odd.

My friend had a similar experience, childminder had her daughter from 9 months to about 3.5 years old , 3
days a week.
She terminated their contract by letter sent home in child’s bag and remember my friend being devastated as she thought they had more of a ‘ relationship ‘ .
She was giving up childminding so not just my friend , we attach quite a lot of emotion to those who care for our children I think so you’re not being unreasonable, but maybe she like my friends childminder just saw it as a job 😔

I thought things were about to get rather fun!

But you specifically stated in your other post that you were worried that she was not going to mind them anymore when the childminder complained about their behaviour.
How is this a shock to you?

She was at the door talking to your DH so if the children had ran inside then she was focussing on DH rather than the DCs. But if they were standing next to her then it wouldn’t be that.

Do you want to link your previous thread to give context? No worries if you don't want to, but saw you have name changed.

My partners mum is really caring of them and generally a really nice woman. She runs a brownies group and worked in a school and has 9 grandkids so she has her views on it all. She would probably ask even though she isn't confrontational so I could ask her to. She has said herself she thinks the childminder has given poor hangovers and minimal communication when she's picked them up in the past and that we deserve an explanation and it's not right so that's her opinion. Idk what she would say to get the information out of her.

Just get granny who’s collecting them tonight to ask why she’s giving them up if you’re still desperate to know. She might be more likely to get an honest answer.

Then have a bath and a glass of wine tonight and start looking forwards.

Its a business relationship thats now ended with full notice and respect. Shes looked after your children well and professionally, are you expecting her to be heartbroken or emotional over not seeing or caring for them anymore?? Im a parent myself, but much as we love and adore our children, we cant expect the same level of emotional investment in them from everyone. Stop taking it so personally and move on. Just a thought, perhaps she finds your emotional engagement overwhelming or too much, and thats why her instinct is to draw back? I have no idea, but I think your response is a little over the top.