Am I going crazy? I feel so disrespected

That sounds like a terrible toxic 18 month situation.

The hundreds of messages are stalking and harassment.

”My feelings have changed and I’m ending this relationship. This is final and not open for discussion.

Please do not contact me again by any means. If you continue to message, call, or try to reach me, I will treat it as harassment and take further action.
I wish you well, but this is goodbye”.

Then ignore his love bombing. Btw he shouldn’t be anywhere near your children, they shouldn’t have to be involved in such a toxic ‘situationship’.

Hopefully you can then find some good therapy.

Why is your response to his awful behaviour and stalking to always take him back?

You're saying you're waiting for the harassment to start again as if it will signal you going back to him?! Why do you do it? He is neither use nor ornament' at this point to you.

Exactly this.

Op you are a parent.

If you cannot find the strength to end this farce for yourself, do it for your children.

Clinging to the idea that this relationship is worth pursuing would be madness in a single, childless person in their late teens or early twenties but in a mother with responsibilities it is incomprehensible immaturity.

If you still can't find the strength, consider the fact that on some level this awful man must be laughing behind his hand at you at how easy it is to play you.

Self-respect and parental maturity start today op. Once and for all, get rid of him. It is your last chance to redeem some self-respect.

Feeling like you can’t ignore him is the only thing stopping you from doing it. Of course you can. Only you have the power to change your life and make a choice. The power is 100% in your court. So flex the under under muscles!

I genuinely fear I don’t have it in me to ignore him.

You're choosing this for yourself.

Every time you unblock him, every time you meet him, every time you have sex with him, every time you entertain this situation and this man, you are choosing this for yourself.

Of course you have it in you to ignore him but, at the moment, you get something out of not ignoring him.

Once you understand and accept that he is not doing this to you but that you are choosing it for yourself, then you will be able to step away from it.

You are a grown woman and mother, stop acting like a teenager and grow up. Read back what you have written and see if any of it sounds normal.

OP instead of playing silly games by blocking him so he chases you (I suspect you enjoy that part) be an adult, focus on your kids and seek some therapy. Its the kids I feel sorry for.

@currentlyinvenice what are u thinking?! Just end it!

Get some therapy to work through your attachment issues
sorry to sound harsh but putting your own feelings aside, you need to consider how irresponsible you are having this man involved with your kids. Moving in with you in July?? What!! He will either never do it, he’s blagging that to keep you or he does and you’ve made a HUGE mistake that will affect you and your kids for the rest of your life.
the stalking behaviour when you call it off is very concerning and by relenting every time you are telling him you don’t actually have any boundaries so ultimately he can behave how he wants because one way or another he will get his way in the end
If you’re employed then just speak with someone at your workplace and tell them you have an issue with someone who has got hold of your work number (don’t tell them you gave him your work number as it looks bad and also delete all messages etc) they should be able to give you another number and you can manage it from there. If you’re self employed then that might be trickier but not impossible, get a new number and start communicating that out to your stakeholders telling them that will be your contact number from two weeks time
you really need to step up and knock this on the head OP, it’s only going to end in tears and could get dangerous

So you got with a guy 18 months ago and for 18 months it’s been bad?? What are you doing?

Look up the Freedom Programme
attend it
you are in an abusive relationship
and being able to recognise that and not get caught up in your self belief difficulties will be really helpful for you in this relationship and future relationships
take care OP - he is not a good one and I suspect you are not the only one he’s doing this to right now -

This isn't working for you.

Maybe it's the same man i went on one date with when I was at uni or its a thing in the UAE. I went on one date and he was so overwhelming I said no to anything in future. He told me to meet him in a cafe for a drink. I said no and he rang me up furious for 'standing him up'. He finally got the message over a year later after he wished me a happy 'anniversary'. This much possessiveness over one date? I had visions of being kidnapped and locked away!
Change everything OP. The possessiveness is not because he loves you, but because you're one of his trinkets.

You've been in a relationship for 18 months and it hasn't been good for 18 months? It sounds like you are addicted to the drama. You need to address that in counselling.

Think about his children, and yours. They don't deserve to be involved in this shit-show. Wake up and end this for good.

I'm sorry you're going through this Op, been through similiar in my 40s.
Treat it like an addiction and start to wean yourself off him.
Change all your numbers and emails and then change them again after you've give him your new ones.
Research into trauma bonding, limerance, childhood attachment, Stockholm syndrome, drug addiction therapies, youtube therapists, - everything and anything that might give you some insight into why you crave this man who is causing you so much emotional stress.
If you can afford it see a therapist who specialises in childhood trauma and relationships. Not all therapists are the right one for you so try another if the first or second doesn't work out.
Prepare for it to take a long time to recover and heal and that it's ok - little steps, you are learning to walk again.
The bonding with him is like a toxic drug where your sense of self-respect, integrity and common sense goes out the window.
I promised faithfully to myself many times that I would never see him again, he knocked on my door and within 10mins I was sitting in his van going off on a drive! How did that happen, where were my convictions and the promise to myself?
Gently learn to love yourself, I doubt you do.
Calm your anxious, confused mind with youtube mindfullness music, affirmations, try to meet new people as a volunteer or hobby group to reset your thinking patterns.
I was constantly thinking of him, not a moment passed for years when I wasn't, it's exhausting! But slowly, slowly your mind will move on.
See it as learning to emerge mentally stronger, wiser and healthier from.

You’ve been together 18 months and it’s been awful all that time? My god woman have some self respect and just end the relationship. There’s so benefits to it whatsoever

I don’t think you need to worry about him living with you I think that’s all lies and the op is sadly, for whatever reason, enabling this nonsense and embroiling her kids in this embarrassing situation.
@currentlyinvenice have some respect and end all of this. Read the first post back - what would you say to one of your friends if this was them? Please think of your kids too.

You’re with him 18 months and you’ve been unhappy 18 months. Did I read that correctly? It’s always been bad? Why are you with him? Why do you say you love him? What do you love about him? Please think about the answers.

End it for good and work on your self esteem, surely you can see how messed up this is?

He understands that you are a vulnerable person and is taking advantage of that. For goodness sake block him, get a different number, never have any contact with him again. You are wasting your time, your energy , everything on a man who is using you.

He's not your person. You're an option to him. Leave the relationship for good and change your number.

Just block him, OP. It’s not that complicated.

OP, please get your head out of your loved up arse! He is no good for you! He is not committed to you! And you and your children deserve so much better!
Change your number and move on!

You've got your kids involved on this shit show? Fucking hell. You need to get some therapy.

Not only is your man clearly married to someone else, he's also a psycho for harassing you. You need to break this off. As does his wife.

This is not a relationship.
You are miserable.
Don't have a baby with him, FFS.
Don't visit him.
Don't meet his kids.
Cut all conract with this man.
Work on your own wellbeing and build up some self-respect.

You "love" him the way the way a junkie "loves" heroin.

He on the other hand doesn't give a shit about you (as a person) at all.

I used to put up with all kinds of nonsense. I found the Baggae Reclaim website super helpful, and then therapy. Internal Family Systems therapy and Compassionate Inquiry therapy. CBT and some of the psychodynamic counselling I had was not helpful at tackling the core beliefs at the root of my behaviour.

in the immediate term though, you’re like an addict. If you were addicted to drugs wouldn’t you change your number and your email to stop your dealer and your drug-taking crowd from contacting you? It’s the same thing.