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AIBU?

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Original poster

Some girls don’t look after their hair and it gets bugs in it

196 replies

Fishfingerssmellfishy · 16/04/2026 19:19

The class assistant in Dd’s class told her today, after putting up her hair…again
Dd has just past shoulder length, curly hair, it’s tricky to style and takes a long time. Dd is Nd and hates having her hair done.
Sometimes I can get it into a nice french plait, normal plait, ponytail or bun if she’s having a calm morning before school. Sometimes I can’t and I pick my battles and sometimes she simply wants to wear it down, so we do.
With it being curly and her running around, it invariably gets a little messy.
Recently, Dd has been coming home with it in a quite messy ponytail and telling me the classroom assistant keeps doing it

Aibu to find this a bit annoying/feel a bit offended?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fishfingerssmellfishy · 16/04/2026 19:55

Ultraalox · 16/04/2026 19:49

Bet there are cases in class and TA is trying to stop the spread… 😬

I am wondering this and if an email will be on its way tonight maybe?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fishfingerssmellfishy · 16/04/2026 19:54

Pearlstillsinging · 16/04/2026 19:49

I taught in Primary schools for almost 40 yrs and never heard that rule across 4 different Local Authorities. The TA shouldn't be styling DD's hair unless DD asks her to. The only thing I wonder is how the TA manages if DD doesn't ask, considering that you struggle to style her hair sometimes. I would talk to DD about that.

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It was in a messy pony, messier than when she goes in with it down 😬 I’m assuming she just quickly tied it back. Dd likely wouldn’t make a fuss at school in front of the teacher or TA

OP posts:
User748937744 · 16/04/2026 19:52

Good grief OP. Really normal for long hair to be tied back. For many practical reasons. Just tie her hair back. Explain that it’s a school rule (even if it isn’t written down the TA is making a very clear point).

Besafeeatcake · 16/04/2026 19:51

RudolphTheReindeer · 16/04/2026 19:44

Because not every school has that rule?

TAs shouldn't be messing with hair unless it's for good reason. We're told not to do things like this.

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Clearly not at this school but a lot of schools do have this rule for this reason.

Mayeb the OP can tell us if it’s a rule or not at her school? And yeah fine to tie up a kids hair if she wears it down and it is impacting school - PE for example.

Ultraalox · 16/04/2026 19:49

Bet there are cases in class and TA is trying to stop the spread… 😬

Pearlstillsinging · 16/04/2026 19:49

Fishfingerssmellfishy · 16/04/2026 19:29

I’m not sure, I see plenty of girls with different styles though, I didn’t realise we should tie back daily

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I taught in Primary schools for almost 40 yrs and never heard that rule across 4 different Local Authorities. The TA shouldn't be styling DD's hair unless DD asks her to. The only thing I wonder is how the TA manages if DD doesn't ask, considering that you struggle to style her hair sometimes. I would talk to DD about that.

Zippidydoodah · 16/04/2026 19:46

Just tie up her hair. It doesn’t have to be super smart, just tie it up.

(nd child here with curly mop that gets hoisted up in a bun type thing daily)

Bushmillsbabe · 16/04/2026 19:44

Makes sense to have hair tied up, or at least an Alice band in, to stop their hair falling all in their face when lean forward to read/write/paint etc. I lead a Rainbow group and at least a third come with their hair down, when they know we will be doing painting, cooking, running around etc. And then parents moan when their hair gets messy or we tie it up for them - no one wants hairs in their cookies!

Original poster
Fishfingerssmellfishy · 16/04/2026 19:44

Bourneo · 16/04/2026 19:43

Oh for goodness sake! The TA is just trying to look out for your DD! Yes, her wording wasn't ideal, but she's human, Teachers and TAs have 30 kids to deal wrth, so the right words don't always come.

Okay….

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RudolphTheReindeer · 16/04/2026 19:44

Besafeeatcake · 16/04/2026 19:39

Rules in primary were hair below shoulder length had to be put up. This isn’t new so not sure why it’s a surprise?

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Because not every school has that rule?

TAs shouldn't be messing with hair unless it's for good reason. We're told not to do things like this.

mondaytosunday · 16/04/2026 19:44

Well that’s blatantly not true and I’d be saying so next time I pick my child up, though she may well have misheard her.
it was our school policy that ALL children, male (though they’d prefer it short) or female, that had long hair had to have it tied back every day.
Have you mentioned the issue either her hair to the school? However, ND aside, it’s up to you to make sure your child is neat and tidy and there’s obviously an issue if it keeps getting done by the TA; maybe an elastic type hair band (a wide fabric band) that doesn’t pull may be tolerated by her? My hair was a nightmare and my mother’s solution was to keep it short!

Original poster
Fishfingerssmellfishy · 16/04/2026 19:43

Jamfirstest · 16/04/2026 19:39

Try the Aussie spray conditioner. It’s the only thing that made dd2 allow hair styling. I still buy it now and she’s 13

I use a children’s spray and it’s ok, she just often hates the feeling of it being up or tied back and wants to be free and wear it down. I used to have such rows about it with her every morning

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Bourneo · 16/04/2026 19:43

Oh for goodness sake! The TA is just trying to look out for your DD! Yes, her wording wasn't ideal, but she's human, Teachers and TAs have 30 kids to deal wrth, so the right words don't always come.

Louisetopaz21 · 16/04/2026 19:41

Nothing worse treating nits they are horrendous to get rid of.

Besafeeatcake · 16/04/2026 19:39

Fishfingerssmellfishy · 16/04/2026 19:29

I’m not sure, I see plenty of girls with different styles though, I didn’t realise we should tie back daily

Show quote history

Rules in primary were hair below shoulder length had to be put up. This isn’t new so not sure why it’s a surprise?

Jamfirstest · 16/04/2026 19:39

Try the Aussie spray conditioner. It’s the only thing that made dd2 allow hair styling. I still buy it now and she’s 13

Snorlaxo · 16/04/2026 19:39

My kids are Nt but learned at school what nits were and I had no problem with that. I used tea tree oil shampoo/conditioner, tied hair and hoped for the best. They all caught it at primary but it wasn’t too often (phew!) As you say she needs shorter hair or to tie it up for school. Pointing out that other girls also tie their hair is a possible way to encourage her to do the same. It’s probably a good idea to have it tied back for running around at playtime anyway.

FWIW my kids knew children who had lice (as a one off as kids talk) and a child who permanently had them as you could see them. Having to treat lice is very time consuming and involves lots of brushing of the eggs out so you’ll want to avoid it at all costs. Kids sit very close together at school which probably makes it easy to spread.

bridgetreilly · 16/04/2026 19:38

Honestly, I wouldn’t waste any time thinking about this comment. Just do your best with DD’s hair and don’t worry about it.

Original poster
Fishfingerssmellfishy · 16/04/2026 19:38

*It up

OP posts:
Original poster
Fishfingerssmellfishy · 16/04/2026 19:37

Octavia64 · 16/04/2026 19:35

If there are bits going around then tying the hair up stops some hair to hair contact.

she probably also needs to have it tied back for PE.

They usually send an email, unless it’s on its way tonight 😬

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Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 16/04/2026 19:36

It sounds to me like she was trying to help your dd not get nits. She really should have it tied back for school though, i thought that was a general rule at most primaries?

Original poster
Fishfingerssmellfishy · 16/04/2026 19:36

wobblychristmastree · 16/04/2026 19:33

How old is she?

you’re overthinking this. It sounds like the TA is trying to encourage your child to look after her hair by putting it up and is trying to stop them getting nits. Trying to treat headlice in curly hair is a nightmare

She’s 7 and has her hair up maybe 70% of the time. She had it trimmed at the hairdresser last week so has been wanting to have it down, but perhaps I should put up every single day

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Moonnstarz · 16/04/2026 19:35

Anyone in our school with hair that is shoulder length and longer needs to tie their hair up. The TA will be helping your DD as it sounds like she is too young to tie it up herself if they gave her the band to do it herself.
It is linked to reducing spread of nits and also health and safety.

Octavia64 · 16/04/2026 19:35

If there are bits going around then tying the hair up stops some hair to hair contact.

she probably also needs to have it tied back for PE.

Original poster
Fishfingerssmellfishy · 16/04/2026 19:34

mindutopia · 16/04/2026 19:32

Absolutely some parents do not look after their children’s hair and they have nits constantly. There was a girl in DD’s class in primary with waist length hair, never wore it up, she had nits literally all the time. There was one 9 month period where I combed dd’s hair every 3 days to treat them and 2 weeks later, they’d be back. It was never ending. I eventually had to tell her to stop playing with this girl because I was at the end of my tether. They drifted away and nits stopped. It’s not the child’s fault. It’s the parents and a form of neglect if nits are never treated.

We’ve never had nits

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