AIBU to feel quite put out about MIL’s 60th weekend?

Maybe she sees this as her one chance at a truly special day, maybe her wedding was low key and she feels like she missed out or didn't have a day?
I do think you could be a bit kinder instead of complaining.

YANBU

What kind of person doesn’t invite their own grandchildren to their birthday party?!

I hate your mother in law and I don't even know her.

How very precious and self-indulgent of her.

I'd just send your husband on his own for the whole weekend. It's such a shame you can't sort childcare out/the dog's ill and needs medicine 6 times a day, because you'd have loved to go otherwise...

As unreasonable as all this is I would go along with it as you’ll never hear the end of it if you don’t. It’s one weekend and families are crazy.

It sounds like you will all be on egg shells.

One thing I would beware of. For someone who so clearly knows what she precisely wants and has no qualms about laying down to others about requirements, I would run a mile from being given any organising tasks whatsoever. That, or make sure you know exactly what it is she is expecting you to do. If not you will take the rap for things going wrong, not being done as she would have wanted.

Expect tears possibly. She will expect the whole weekend to go completely smoothly, to have extra surprises that she will like, to feel like a complete queen.

It doesn’t sound relaxing put it that way. I hate to say it but it sounds like someone who thinks this is how posh people might behave.

This. How can it be important to have immediate family but not her own grandchildren there?

Thats a lot, one night yep ok no worries. But the entire weekend hmm....

Extraordinary to be so demanding. Is MIL always like this?
Also bizarre to worry about photos looking odd if the whole family isn't there. Nobody who wasn't at the event will be the slightest bit interested.
Pick your battles, I guess. You could take a stand but is it worth the hassle.

And reward the awful behaviour of the woman who has made demands about availability, large sums of money, childcare, how much additional help is required and even what clothes people are allowed to wear by smiling and saying "of course, all perfectly reasonable behaviour"?

Nope. Rude and entitled behaviour like that absolutely deserves to be challenged and not let go for a quiet life.

Wow so you are paying £1,000 for the privilege then being expected to run around sorting playlists etc. I think if she wants to impress everyone with a OTT party she rather needs to fund it herself.

One things for sure, where whatever the hell you like!

It's a good exercise to try and practise responding in the moment. So as soon as this plan was shared you answer 'Sounds brilliant! We can't come for 3 days but will join you Saturday lunchtime and leave Sunday late afternoon. Mum will look after the kids.'
Don't wait to be told what to do, take control.

I can see the problem now.

A woman whose husband has never dared stand up to her and whose son has been brought up to consider her the centre of the universe. Therefore she's got used to whatever she decides, however batshit, coming to pass. Because everyone has spent their lives facilitating her.

I really really hope that this is the final line and that just about all the invitees get up on their hindlegs and say 'no fucking way'.

But I rather suspect that MIL has trained everyone (possibly with withdrawal of affection or teary tantrums) to obey her every whim and now her whims, however outrageous, are regarded as normal.

She Who Must Be Obeyed, absolutely.

Agree with those saying if you do this, you pay for your guests.

What will you do with the children during the dinner?

In that case the children come too. That would be my boundary. All of us, including the kids, or you don’t get us the whole weekend. Take your pick.

She sounds awful.

That sounds entirely reasonable... for the fucking Queen. Otherwise it just sounds narcissistic. But, let's not say no to narcissists. So, I'd just suck it up to keep the peace. It's only a weekend, just don't get smashed and impart a few home truths... 🥂

I went to the local pub and restaurant. Ten of us I paid including champagne. Some offered to contribute but no need.
Sounds like an excuse for social media glory.

Late to the party but your mil sounds a complete self absorbed entitled twat. Is she related to Trump with all her demands?
I wouldn't be going in any capacity to indulge this nonsense. H could but I wouldn't, the fall out would be an excellent reason for me to never see the stupid woman ever again, and any other entitled idiots who think she's wonderful.

I'm with you on this one. I think I would be inclined to go for just the main evening and be a brilliant guest, let husband attend all of it and take the consequences.

Ooh, that would be a good way out.

She sounds like a right princess!

This is madness. It's my 60th year this year and I plan to do something, even something small each month. For the day itself I went out for dinner with some of my family and a week later I had a Sunday lunch with my best friend.

If her expectations are that everyone goes for the weekend then she pays for it.

An ex friend of mine had a plan for us all to fund a trip for her birthday on the Orient Express. I don't understand how people think others have this kind of money or think others would want to spend it on them. It puts so much pressure on people.

OP I feel your pain. Can you step back and let your husband deal with it and you stay to look after the kids?

We were invited to a wedding in South England and were the North of Scotland. It wasn’t put to us as optional. MIL booked our hotel (and kindly paid) but travel wasn’t included. It was going to cost us upwards of £1000 for this wedding once travel costs, outfits, gifts, child and pet care were taken into consideration. I’ve decided to stay behind with the children and pets and let my OH deal with the wedding. If MIL doesn’t like it she can suck it up.

I suggest you do the same. It’s only a birthday ffs.

I think even Queen Elizabeth herself used to have more understated birthdays than this 😂

My god, this is way too much. I don't know what you can do but why is 60 a 'milestone' now? And why is 40, whuch I also read so much about here? Do we not expect to survive that long?

Yep, looks like MIL gets a massive, extravagant party that everyone else gets the honour of paying for.

For my 60th we took the DC, their partners and the DGC on holiday to a lovely hotel in Croatia for a week, and we paid! I could not imagine not having the DGC there. Oh and there were no speeches 😄

I just wouldn't go if I were the OP. Let the husband toddle off, speech in hand, to bask in the refected light of his narcissist mother.