AIBU to feel quite put out about MIL’s 60th weekend?

If MIL would like a big celebration weekend, she should be paying for it. You're not a guest if you're funding the celebration!

Good grief what a palaver. We had a party for my husbands 60th and rented a room with a meal, drinks etc and about 40-50 family and friends. We paid for the room, food and drink but not accommodation for those who had to travel but we did not dictate where they should stay and it was one night. Children were also welcome. For mine we had a restaurant meal out with immediate family which we paid for and DH and I did a cruise. I cannot imagine orchestrating an event like your MIL wants but expect people to attend for a whole weekend and pay for accommodation and food.

Lame

I haven't RTFT @CotswoldConundrum because it's late and I'm shattered but one thing that stood out for me was the dress thing. She absolutely cannot tell you what you can and can't wear.

Do you think she's worried you might upstage her? Wear what you like - barring your lounging around clothes.

Has Hello magazine been invited?

Yep, this whole thing sounds like my worst nightmare. No way I'd be going. As for the duties, I'd just declare that you'll be busy looking after the children so will be unable to perform any additional duties.

I would have gladly stayed at home with the children and send dh himself to celebrate his mums 60th.

sounds too much of a faff for me and too much of being told what to do while having to pay for it. I wouldn’t be happy going and having to sit at a different table from dh either.

wow, massive narcissism energy!

Sounds absolutely nuts! Expecting people to shell out a grand on a weekend because she has reached a specific number of years. I can't imagine having the temerity to expect people to shell out like that. Imagine if everyone did that!

Gotta love how she wants her grandchildren nowhere her Main Character Weekend! She sounds absolutely ghastly.

Dear Lord, OP, I'm 60 and this whole thing sounds horrific. I know I'm unusual, in that I completely ignore my own birthdays, but even my "more normal" friends didn't do anything like this. Most didn't bother much at all, one or two had a long weekend away. One, with a summer birthday, had a small party in her back garden and asked for donations to her favourite charity.
I can't get ny head around the utter narcissism of your MIL, who thinks she is so special that she can put people through all this nonsense. I don't know how you get out of it - bar faking illness - but you have my deepest sympathy.

I do think in this instance that YABU in your attitude towards the weekend. You’ve said you can afford it and you could arrange childcare but this is now no longer necessary. Your DH is close to his mum and this weekend celebration in a posh hotel is obviously an acceptable proposal to the family. I certainly wouldn’t organise anything on this scale for myself, but for any big family celebration there is an expectation that my adult children will be on hand to help, and I do the same for my parents along with my brother. It’s just the done thing. OP, you sound resentful of having to put yourself out for your MIL.

Sounds ghastly.

Come to my 60th instead. I’m going camping in Wales- kids are welcome!!

Seriously though, this ‘party’ sounds bloody awful!

I'm just here for the trip report. This is so not my world, that I'm fascinated to hear how it goes! I don't normally get invested in these things, but there is so much room for drama and fall outs in this one! And I want to know what instructions you get, and your responses to them 😆

Good luck. I think you might need it.

I havent even mentioned the paying, just the whole saga in general.

Blimey! That is an awful lot!

Why can’t people just have a party? Or a dinner? Or just one thing of any description. Why a whole weekend with multiple events?

Everything had to be OTT these days. It’s like hen or stag weekends, or even week long trips, than just a night. Destination weddings that turn into a week long holiday with multiple events to attend rather than just a wedding and a breakfast locally.

It is a form of narcissism I think.

People don’t seem to get that whilst their wedding/ birthday/ whatever is a big event to them, it’s not the centre of other people’s world.

I don’t know what to suggest but definitely YANBU!

Sounds like she's all about the photos! It's a shocking amount of money for a weekend

It’s not something I (or any of my friends and relatives) would do mainly for financial reasons but if you were ok with it financially it’s different.
It’s good that there is some movement on including grandchildren . The initial plan was so odd and so unnatural - at the gathering of this sort grandchild should be the centre of attention to show that MIL managed to built up family successfully. I would push for them to be included all the way.

Has MIL trying to pretend that she is not at “Grandma stage” yet?

No. Having attended several upper class big birthdays events, I’ve never been asked to pay!

My 60th was during Covid. My youngest sister arranged a zoom meeting. I realised early on that my sister hadn’t even invited my kids. My 2 darling children. Then my older brother was just nasty to me. Anyway not the nicest. I did have lovely 60th birthday i went out later that night with my son just before next lockdown. Sorry. I was definitely not main character.

This is ludicrous. She is of course completely entitled to chose whatever celebration she likes for her birthday. But, if she is insisting you stay, go to the meal, never mind be general dogsbody, she should pay for it. Her expecting others to pay to attend to her “big birthday” celebration is not “doing things properly”.

Nope, nope and NOPE!

You don't have to do any of this you know. She can plan and expect as much as she likes, but you can opt out. Even if your dh is meekly going along with all this batshittery, you can say that you don't want yo spend all weekend away from your kids and forms the best part of a grand for the privilege!
People don't get to just commandeer your time. Tell your husband no!