AIBU to feel quite put out about MIL’s 60th weekend?

Why would you need to pay for overnight childcare?
Is there not someone on your side who could do it?

I dunno, it’s all a bit much for sure. For me it would depend on how good she is the rest of the time; I’d entertain all this if she was a really supportive MIL/grandmother, but would be less inclined if the relationship just wasn’t there.
It definitely gives wedding vibes! Fair play to her for being able to fill a party with 100 guests! 😮 I’d be lucky to fill a room with a fifth of that 🤣

It sounds like it's out of character for her from what you've said.

Sorry if I missed it but does your DH have any siblings/cousins with children? Or are you the only immediate family that would need to sort childcare for the whole weekend?

What is his speech supposed to be about..? Obviously MIL, but, can be just do a generic "happy 60th birthday mum, we all love you loads, here's to many more! " toast instead of a speech? That's throwing me off with the colour scheme part.

Part of me thinks good for her, and it could be a great weekend for you all but something's off if she doesn't normally want much fuss
She's not ill or something? Or FIL?

sounds like she wants you all there (maybe without the children but they're invited now thanks to fil 😂) to have a good time so if you can afford it, I'd go.

you have to update once you've been though!

That does sound extremely OTT. If I wanted to do something like that (and no way on earth i’d want that much attention on me) then i’d be paying the bill for the whole weekend. Expecting family to fork out over 1k each family for my bday weekend is not something i’d entertain for a second.

I'm always gobsmacked at the entitlement such people feel - to other's attention, time, money etc. I would cringe rather than impose such a thing on family and friends. And, if I did want to do a thing like this, the least I would do is pay for those who were coming (I can't so I won't but you get the point). Super spoiled and entitled behavior in my view. You don't need to go along with all of it. Just go for part of it that works, where your OH is giving a speech. This would also lower her expectations of you for future events (she is only 60, there will be other events where she plays princess, I'm sure!)

and I’ve been asked if I can “help coordinate things on the day” so it all runs smoothly (apparently I’m “so organised”).

Surely whoever has organized this is the only person who can ensure it runs smoothly.

When I had a big birthday do, I did a buffet tea for 20 people. It was summer and a lovely day, so we sat in the garden. My son made a big gooey chocolate cake. It was really lovely.

@CotswoldConundrum I think your MIL is completely bat shit wanting all that fuss and expecting people to fork out vast sums of money.

Good Lord! Ok, my former not-in-laws are terribly, terribly smart. Significant events are usually marked by extended family dinners at their club, to which I am still invited, and which I sometimes still attend (it’s complicated). They always, always pay for everything. To have one’s guests pay for themselves is just Not Done.
I am not terribly smart. I give people cheap plonk and make them sit on my manky sofa. I still wouldn’t dream of making my guests pay for themselves though!

When I turned 21 (the legal drinking age in the US), my very first milestone birthday, my two friends and I drank a quart of Jose Cuervo tequila.
And I didn’t feel very well immediately after that, or the day after that.
That’s why they call it “tokillya.”
So that was the last milestone birthday I celebrated, or ever felt the need to celebrate.
And to be truthful, @CotswoldConundrum a party like your MIL’s would embarrass me in its excess.
Have fun stormin’ the castle.
There’s still time to catch a fever or sprain your ankle or throw your back out. Covid is still going around.
You don’t have to be the dutiful DIL, y’know.

I misread that as “ a Rocketeer!
😆😆

Attention seeker much - in our family we pay for guests if we are having a party - that includes hotels

Wow, that sounds utterly madness. I've been trying to remember what we did for my inlaws 60ths. Mil was 60 in summer 2020 so I think we had dinner together in the garden. I went to a national trust property for my 40th, I can't stand most national trust properties including that one but I didn't get to choose.

A lot of people have been laughing at Bridezilla stories recently. When most of us were kids, the idea a bride (or sometimes groom!) would dictate what guests wear, and basically act like it was a Royal Wedding was ridiculous. Now apparently lots do (got an invitation for a hen do with a dress code and a demand to spend a fortune!).
Seems your MIL has been reading some of these things and decided she didn't get to be demanding enough at her won do! If you can afford it, I'd tend to let it go, and just let her have her "vision" this time. If she starts making it a regular thing, politely decline.

The MIL cant afford the lifestyle she thinks she deserves and so makes other pay for it, and yet still plays the grande dame!

She also feels she must command people's attendance, in a colour scheme of her choosing, to give the illusion of what? A happy family?

I would plan to have covid that weekend, and go into glorious isolation.

Your mother in law sounds more bonkers than mine.

Can you stay home with dc and DH share a room with a sibling?

MIL shouldn’t be expecting a gift after all this expense, she sounds grabby as fuck.

Or don’t book a room and you all unexpectedly become ill.

@CotswoldConundrum I can never understand why people go along with these things. You clearly aren't comfortable to attend, the logistics are complicated, the financial obligation is absurd.... Yet, you're attending.

Just don't go!! Life can be great! Life doesn't have to involve spending huge amounts (and it is a huge amount, whether or not you're minted) on an event that you don't want to attend. Experience the joy of missing out!!!

@CotswoldConundrum a couple of things;

"MIL has said she’d ideally like “immediate family there for everything"
I'm sure you realise, this is code for her and her children

Would not even entertain attending.

As the "main character" she will have a wonderful evening irrespective of you or your little ones being there, as long as her boy/your husband and her other children are there.

Purely my perspective ofc 😄

Wow - what a diva she is!

@CotswoldConundrum You have to pay for the dinner? What is mil paying for then? If you can, just go on the Saturday and stay over. Don’t go for 2 nights. Who asks guests to pay for their celebratory dinner? How mean.

This is all so outrageous it is actually pathetic. Your MIL clearly needs a lot of attention and she has normalized this for your DH all his life. What a nightmare of a woman. She sounds like a complete control freak who is madly in love with herself!

And how cheap to invite people to a dinner and expect them to pay! Offering to pay for drinks but not the food?! Who does that?

Clearly this woman is ME ME ME and has no issue putting people out. A nice dinner out is the normal thing. A three day extravaganza is expecting worship.

Her not wanting her grandchildren included on a birthday which is clearly VERY significant to her just shows how shallow she is. At least they can go in the end and be an excuse to hide out in the hotel room.

For what it is worth, we run in wealthy circles and I have NEVER heard of something like this. The woman thinks she is walking the red carpet!

That is such a "good idea" for a thread. If only more people would discuss entitled grandparents on here, MN would be soooo much more interesting.

Bloody hell, who does she think she is. What sort of grandmother wouldn't want to have her grandchildren included. She sounds very self entitled.

This is totally batshit!!

She is off her rocker with entitlement.

I hope the MIL comes across this thread.

On reflection though.... I find it hard to believe this is even real.

This is literally "unbelievable".

Oh yes - this! It’ll be house white, house red, lager or lemonade!