Or is this absolutely batshit (sex life related)

Ah Mumsnet, where women who have been scorned love to put "the other woman" in the picture, no matter how Occam's Razor the answer is.

* sigh *

Can he not manually regulate his testicular fluid pressure?

This I would tell him and his achy balls to go and do one,

His ouchie balls! Lol 😂

Ugh, I literally cannot think of anything less attractive than a man who is already getting it 3x week complaining it’s not enough and that his balls hurt if he doesn’t come - I’d tell him to go live up to his description and have a wank. Your vagina is not his personal fleshlight.

Are there any other issues in your relationship? Has this come on fairly suddenly? Assuming you haven’t got such an ick you just want to dump him (reasonable course of action IMO) I’d be looking more widely at what’s going on and maybe try couples counselling, because on the surface he is being VV unreasonable.

It’s possible he’s doing something behind your back. If he’s suddenly started gaslighting you I’d cherchez la femme. It sounds like he could be up to something and rewriting history, saying you hardly have sex, to justify whatever he may be getting up to.

Christ, what a cunt.

I’d never have sex with him again and in fact dump his sorry arse.

He definitely has low self esteem, again improved a bit in the years we have been together but still there. I am just a bit sick of constantly reassuring him and more than that having to go above and beyond to reassure him when literally 2 days later it’s all forgotten

it's only "forgotten" because it is a very temporary cure.

He is almost using you as a pacifier or an emotional regulator. There's something from his childhood perhaps where he was unable to learn that himself, so he uses relationships with others as a way of providing that regulation.

I'm not a therapist btw, just a student of human nature.

He needs a therapist.

It's a very selfish view that he has, based on an assumption that he's the centre of everything- what about what you want or need? You could reasonably say to him, that it hurts YOU when he objectifies you by suggesting you should have the right to do anything he wants with you, and should have unfettered access to your body, regardless of what you feel.
Relationships are about supporting one another, compromise, understanding the other person, and wanting them to feel happy, respected and fulfilled- he seems to believe he's purchase a sex on demand service instead!

It seems so strange he has suddenly changed. The sex life that you describe sounds perfectly normal and healthy to me. What he's describing he wants certainly isn't.

You're adults with children. Life has other priorities and being groped whenever someone else feels like it is not on many people's wish lists.

To be honest this would be a relationship ender for me. I'd never feel properly relaxed around him again if I felt he would be constantly wanting sex.

Has he started medication of some sort that has caused this? Is someone else influencing him? You are perfectly entitled to tell him this is not the type of relationship you want.

Each time I do he just goes in to one about how he feels he should be able to ask for anything he needs in the relationship and if I don’t want it I clearly don’t fancy him

Please read my earlier post @Tulipsanddandelions five posts up.

I'm genuine in that I think he is massively insecure, and he will keep pushing and pushing you to provide external validation to him rather than focus inwardly on what is making him so insecure.

Sex is not therapy. He needs to go to therapy.

He sounds horrible with his demands, and yes, it reeks of the manosphere. He's not treating you like an equal partner, but expecting you to be his sex doll. Yuck.

If he doesn't want his balls to be sore for other reasons, he'd better change his ways.

@Tulipsanddandelions do you think he's looking for a way out or has already eyes on someone else as this sounds so sudden.

feel like I should be able to ask for whatever I want and get it,
I asked for respect and to win the lottery, I have more chances of the latter

‘you rejecting me damages my self esteem,
You treating me like a sex toy is pissing me off

Suggest some bondage.
Tie him up and leave him to it. Give him time to reflect his thinking.

Has he by chance got a newly single mate who is filling his head with his latest shenanigans?

As @Duckswaddle said
Or... paving the ground for replacing you with a newer model
or... has sudden onset midlife crisis (leading, ultimately, to the above)

Who knows. Deeply unpleasant in either case.

He sounds grim. I couldn’t cope with that.

Because two posts later you said he has a victim mentality.

here's what I think @Tulipsanddandelions

If one partner is less professionally or financially established that isn't necessarily a problem.

But if they're male and spending more time at home, relying on the other person?

Then it can sometimes lead to feelings of inadequacy.

And then some of those folk try and compensate by seeking more and more reassurance. Sex being the obvious and easiest proxy for that.

In that he can get validation (look, she wants me any way I ask for!) , or control (I can get what I want) or worse, just emotional security.

I don't think it's a healthy dynamic basically. You could give him "more" of what he thinks he wants, but he'll just want more until he feels you've shown him reassurance.

He is being weird. If that how he feels go and talk to a sex therapist see if he means it. He cannot expect unfettered access to your body 24/7. mood matters. It’s all so off putting, he is grown man why is he whinging. and if his balls hurt he can just masturbate.

you don’t have to fulfill his every sexual whim
all the time. Start telling him being the breadwinner turns you on. Will he fulfill that fantasy? He’s obviously on reddit or wherever and trying to manipulate.