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AIBU?

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Son and his money!

253 replies

Happyhorse222 · 16/04/2026 09:20

Good Morning,

Need some advice on what others would do with the following:

DS- 21 in a trade earning £480 a week paid weekly- sometimes more if he works a Saturday. We told him to pick a bill to pay so he covers the wifi and water bill.

Me/ dad cook for the entire family in the evenings (we really enjoy it as a couple), so whilst he knows how to cook and helps us occasionally I still do all the family meals so he only has to buy extra snacks for himself that he wants outside of my normal food shop.

He is up at 6am finishes at around 11am- does come home and clean/tidy up, does his washing etc but that's by the by he should be doing that at 21 anyway.

Unfortunately after a year of work he has only saved £750. Told us he is spending on food at work- taking gf out etc.

He wants to buy a house and absolutely can by late 20's if he saved. But he isn't. He is regularly out of money before the next Friday. He keeps saying he wants to but just doesn't!

Husband is saying he will be telling him from Friday he is to pay us £200 rent a week, which leaves him £280 per week for his own spending.

This money we would be taking in rent will be going into our savings account to save pretty much on his behalf and give back to him.

I haven't been in this situation before and would obviously like to help him save but I also don't want to baby him. My other kid has saved birthday/ Christmas money religiously and has a frigging budget sheet per month with her job and I gave them both the same upbringing so it's driving me insane he keeps saying he wants to do it and then not doing it, but I am also blue in the face from the MULTIPLE conversations/ suggestions we have made and had for him to save.

He has 0 to pay for so is this a reasonable way of doing something he will thank us later for or are we just teaching him we will sort out any problems he has and never have to do it himself. Will be taking the bills he pays back into our finances should we charge the rent instead.

Aghhhh parenting!

OP posts:
Happyhorse222 · 16/04/2026 09:28

JaceLancs · 16/04/2026 09:24

I would do that!
DS pays me £350 a month and saves £650, on the basis that when he buys a house - he will be forking out a lot more than £350
Managed to save £30k so far and still have a social life

I'm going to do it then. I don't want to act like I'm taking his money but he literally has 0 to pay for and just spends like water. He will no doubt have a tantrum but like husband said he can either pay £200 a week and still have plenty for a social life or find a flat and be back within two months when he gets kicked out for not paying anything then we ask him if his lesson has been learned and start taking his money to save from then 😂

OP posts:
Bringbackbuffy · 16/04/2026 09:27

I know lots of my friends parents had similar arrangements. With my parents I could stay at home as long as i was saving £500 a month into a fixed access account- they never checked, but I had less reliable friends and their parents took the money from them.

I think it has 2 advantages- obviously it gives the money to move out; but also it means you aren’t having a really lovely quality of life living with your parents tha you are frightened of losing when you move out.

JaceLancs · 16/04/2026 09:24

I would do that!
DS pays me £350 a month and saves £650, on the basis that when he buys a house - he will be forking out a lot more than £350
Managed to save £30k so far and still have a social life