To think that my daughter should get the bedroom she wants?

We drew actual straws and recommend your daughter does the same, but given the reasoning I’d say that makes the en-suite make less sense for her.

It should just be a coin toss. What if the couple broke up. What if your DD got a partner. Etc etc. Her boyfriend is irrelevant, he doesn't live there.

I don't think the boyfriend should even factor in here. They may break up or your daughter might get her own partner, or bring people home.
If you do factor it in, I'd think it's a better argument for the couple to get the ensuite. But really it should just be a coin toss.

I'd support her in coming to an agreement, but keep your own opinion out of it.

I had friends at this age who were very enmeshed with their mums, and would come to discussions full of "well my mum says" - as if the rest of us cared a damn! You don't get a vote, and if you try and influence your daughter, you're stopping her finding her own sense of what is right and negotiating for it.

Do both.

Coin toss AND whoever “wins” the en suite has to pay a bit more. That helps the loser feel better.

Whoever has the ensuite pays more! Or they find somewhere else. My uni house had one bathroom and I shared with 5 people, and my uni halls 18 boys and girls, shared a communal bathroom with 3 toilets and 3 showers !

I think with the boyfriend staying over it’s much better for the other girl to have the en-suite so there’s no man wondering around at night going to the bathroom?

I think it is more important that your daughter works on her resilience.

It's a flat with two bedrooms and two bathrooms. That should be a huge positive.

Instead, on the same day that they have viewed the flat, your daughter is in touch with you looking for validation for her reasons why she should have the better room and feeling anxious that she might not get it. She is also anxious visitors might use the main bathroom.

Learning to live with having the second best bedroom and having visitors using the bathroom would be a good thing.

On a more sympathetic note, living with a couple isn't fun, but in the university years you can't guarantee you won't end up in this situation. House rules are definitely needed for that.

Haha, I think I know the thread you are referring to.

Nope, no spooooky corridor, just a 2 bed new build flat

When I was a student in a house with different room sizes we agreed to rotate each term (3 rooms).

DD shared a flat with two others (one guy and one girl) in her second year. One bedroom had an en suite, the other two were doubles but one bigger than the other and those two shared a bathroom. Both of the other students had partners who would be staying over and DD was single at the time. The partners thing didn’t come into the decision making about who got which room.

First they agreed what would be paid for each room (en suite most expensive, then biggest double, then smallest double). They all had the en suite as first choice but drew straws and accepted the result without any moaning or quibbling. DD actually ended up with the smallest room but felt that she gained in other ways because she paid less. The way they sorted it out was a good indicator for how harmonious the flat was to be for the rest of the year. They all got on well and if there were any issues they talked about them, agreed a fair solution and everyone kept to their side of the bargain without a fuss.

Hopefully your DD and her friend can sort it out easily and fairly. Just to add, I gave up getting involved in these things a long time ago. If our kids are old enough to go to uni and sort out a house share, they are old enough to sort out the life admin that goes with that. And if they’re not confident to do so they need to learn sharpish. My role was transportation, ‘I believe in you and trust you’ and ‘always here if you need me’ type support. Your DD being shy and single doesn’t give her extra rights to en suites…..

Not agreeing could just mean they haven't reached a decision yet, not necessarily that they're at each other's throats about it.

We bhad this in a house share
1 en suite
2 double bedrooms
1 single
We decided that the ensuite room paid more so bthebsibgke could pay less. Luckily we had one housemate happy to take a cheaper room and one that wanted the ensuite and was willing to pay.

Ensuite pays more is the most straightforward solution.

In practice and in my personal experience, EVERY visitor including the flatmate and her boyfriend will use the main bathroom rather than go up the stairs. Whoever is allocated that room will as a consequence be cleaning it a lot more along with supplying the loo roll.

Or they keep looking and find a straightforward 2 bedroom with a shared bathroom or two ensuites.

My DD had the en suite in her uni flat and paid a bit more.

Not to be rude but your daughter is a grown up and can sort this herself. Sure, she can ask you for an opinion but honestly you come across as way overinvested to be asking here. It’s not school. You don’t need to fix things for her any more and honestly won’t be doing her any favours giving it so much headspace.

this.

Always a coin toss - no one has a better claim on the better room?

Then either swap half way through the year or agree that the better room pays slightly more rent.

Depends on how the house is laid out, will she have to walk through shared spaces after using the bathroom to get to her room? I’d say some ground rules around this boyfriend are needed, I mean it wouldn’t bother me but I know some would not want to walk past a guy in their home who is not their own boyfriend in just a towel.

But the same argument could be said for the couple having the en-suite. They will have more privacy and bathroom use without inconveniencing others. The only fair way is to flip a coin or draw straws

Yes - this has happened a lot with mine over the years. The better room always pays more!

If that’s your way of thinking, then the couple should get it.

But I don’t think it’s fair for someone to get a room just because they’re in a couple or single.
Why should someone be punished or rewarded because they’re single/in a relationship.

They need to have a conversation about how much extra the en-suite room will be, then anyone who wants it can put in and do a coin toss.
I say coin toss as sometimes things like rock, paper, scissors can cause arguments as it’s not as black and white if someone hesitates etc.

They could also swap half way through the year depending on how good friends they are. Sharing a bathroom when you are a student is normal life imo!

It should be toss a coin sort of thing.
I don’t think your daughter should be entitled to it, based on what you’ve written. Life isn’t fair / just and sometimes even if you have a particular problem, you have to suck it up for a period of time. I think it should be decided randomly / fairly with no pre bias.

It isn’t fair for everyone to be paying the same then. I would expect whoever stays in the ensuite to pay 25% more. And whoever stays in the box room to pay 25% less.