Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that my daughter should get the bedroom she wants?

139 replies

JMSA · 16/04/2026 04:23

My daughter will soon be going into her second year of university, and will share a private let with one of her current student accommodation ‘flatmates.’
They viewed a property today but can’t agree on who should get the en-suite bedroom, which is sort of set on a floor of its own. Sounds grander than it is, but you get the gist!
My daughter is happily single and this is unlikely to change. Her flatmate-to-be is in an established relationship and it’s likely that he will be visiting lots (he’s a fellow student).
Daughter is an anxious soul, bless her, and she’d really value some privacy away from the couple.
Also there’s the fact that he will no doubt shower there sometimes, charge his phone, etc, so add to the energy bills. I should stress that he will definitely have his own place, but realistically speaking, will stay over there sometimes.
I will leave it to the girls to sort, and ultimately this is a life lesson for my daughter, in advocating for herself. I have told her my opinion and she agrees.
Would she be unreasonable to push for her first choice of bedroom?
Thanks.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Stressedandgrey · 24/08/2026 20:51

They should not be paying the same rent. The larger ensuite room should cost a chunk more

AmgryWife · 24/08/2026 20:47

If she wants privacy it’s better that the couple have the suite

Grumpybear33 · 20/04/2026 08:26

Meadowfinch · 16/04/2026 04:30

I'd expect different rooms to cost different amounts. An ensuite room should be 25% more than a basic room. And I'd set the expectation that if a third person will be staying regularly, that person chips in £5 towards water & electricity every time he stays. Or contributes milk, bread and tea bags for the communal cupboard.
Get these things agreed from the start.

£5 everytime he stays! My 4 bed detached with a family of 4 rarely uses £5 on electricity and water a day!

Whatthefork1 · 17/04/2026 17:06

Whichever way around it goes, each girl would have their own bathroom. If your daughter ends up with the non en-suite room then it must be agreed that other girls boyfriend has no access to said main bathroom and only uses the en-suite.

The only fair way, like others have said is coin flip or the person with the en-suite pays slightly more rent.

Ribidibidibidoobahday · 17/04/2026 16:28

YABU.

No reason for single person to get ensuite, slight reason for couple to get ensuite (does your daughter really want to run the risk of bumping into a near naked person on a post sex bathroom run if she's heading to the kitchen?), every reason to toss a coin for it.

Squareblack · 16/04/2026 21:52

Boyfriends staying constantly using the services gets old really quickly.
Your daughter needs to be careful.
It will impact her privacy and enjoyment of her home.
Warn her to have a rethink, it can quickly become two against one.

Chocolatecoffeecup · 16/04/2026 21:47

I do see your point OP but I also think they could make an argument for the en suite and you would be wrong to teach your daughter that she had the right to the better room.

I also agree that the only basis on which either of them should get the en suite is if the other person has exclusive use of the main bathroom or pay more.

Banannanana · 16/04/2026 20:29

Of course they all want the best room. Your daughter is no more special or important and deserving of that room than anyone else. For gods sake don’t be such entitled princesses about it. Toss a coin.

sixsept · 16/04/2026 19:09

BottomsByTheirTops · 16/04/2026 18:55

A student flat with more than one bathroom?
I was at uni in the 80’s - does not compute!
<misses point of thread>

Very true! We had one bathroom between 5 (mid 90s) 😄

BottomsByTheirTops · 16/04/2026 18:55

A student flat with more than one bathroom?
I was at uni in the 80’s - does not compute!
<misses point of thread>

ButterPiesAreGreat · 16/04/2026 18:04

Chasingthequietlife · 16/04/2026 16:20

I’d have been mortified for my Mum to be involved.

Will they swap rooms once your daughter gets a partner? Reduce the rent or bills if the flat mate stays at her boyfriends?

This! My daughter is going into her third year and is just going into a house share with two other people, having been in private halls for two years. She’s done most of the organising (chip off the old block 😜) but I’ve not got involved in anything unless she asked me for advice. They seem to have sorted out their rooms between them. She’s had 18 months of organising herself, getting the bedroom she wants is not something she needs help sorting.

if it’s only two people, the second bathroom is effectively an en-suite anyway.

nomas · 16/04/2026 18:01

JMSA · 16/04/2026 04:59

It stacks up to me because it’s difficult to gatekeep a main bathroom in the same way as an en-suite. If memory serves me, the main bathroom is right beside the living room. Even if they agree that the main bathroom is my daughter’s, you can bet your bottom dollar that others are going to end up using it at some point as it’s ‘just next door.’

They will defiantly use the main bathroom too.

So the flatmate gets two bathrooms and your dd gets one.

Tryagain26 · 16/04/2026 17:59

TealSapphire · 16/04/2026 04:27

Wouldn't it be better for the couple to have the unsuite? They'll probably hang out in that section most of the time so your DD would have the rest of the place. A coin toss is in order I think!

I agree. Surely it's better for the couple to be out of the way .
Will the person who has the ensuite room pay more? If they are getting a more private room they probably should. Is your daughter willing to pay more to get the room?

Shinyandnew1 · 16/04/2026 17:53

Why should your daughter ‘get the room she wants’ over her friend that also wants it? You haven’t given any reasons 😂

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 16/04/2026 17:51

JMSA · 16/04/2026 05:48

They only viewed the property today. They both want the same room. These things happen. They’ll figure it out.
I would imagine coin tosses are fairly common in these situations!

Nah, rock, paper, scissors, best of three!! 😉

outerspacepotato · 16/04/2026 17:47

I think it makes more sense for the couple to have the ensuite. The bf will be using that, not the main br.

Her friend should be paying more if bf is there regularly though.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 16/04/2026 17:44

Meadowfinch · 16/04/2026 04:30

I'd expect different rooms to cost different amounts. An ensuite room should be 25% more than a basic room. And I'd set the expectation that if a third person will be staying regularly, that person chips in £5 towards water & electricity every time he stays. Or contributes milk, bread and tea bags for the communal cupboard.
Get these things agreed from the start.

£5 a night is ridiculous. Does the girl get to knock £5 off her contribution every time she stays at his?

Hibernatingsloth · 16/04/2026 17:23

I would be more concerned with your daughter feeling like a spare part in her own flat, with the boyfriend there aswell.
Her flatmate may well be saying "just one night a week" but that means nothing in reality.
And if the ensuite is better than the boyfriend's own flatshare room, I imagine he'll be spending a lot more time there.
If there's going to be resentment from the start over who gets the ensuite, maybe it's not the right flatshare.

BeWittyRobin · 16/04/2026 16:57

Nothing you’ve said are reasons for your daughter to have the bedroom with the en-suite. Both will have reasons and I’m sure they will find a way to decide it fairly. I’ve shared houses in my uni days, Toss a coin x

EmeraldShamrock000 · 16/04/2026 16:29

The best way forward is to agree to a bathroom each, lock the outside bathroom, if they have friends or family over then they use their personal bathroom.
I’d be happy with the main bathroom if flatmate can stick to the rules.

Chasingthequietlife · 16/04/2026 16:20

I’d have been mortified for my Mum to be involved.

Will they swap rooms once your daughter gets a partner? Reduce the rent or bills if the flat mate stays at her boyfriends?

Nearly50omg · 16/04/2026 15:18

FirstdatesFred · 16/04/2026 06:26

i can also see the argument that the couple should have their own bathroom: so don’t think it’s clear cut, agree a price difference or swapping, or toss a coin.

If he lived there yes but he doesn’t and won’t be paying any of the rent or bills!!!

Dalston · 16/04/2026 15:17

JMSA · 16/04/2026 04:23

My daughter will soon be going into her second year of university, and will share a private let with one of her current student accommodation ‘flatmates.’
They viewed a property today but can’t agree on who should get the en-suite bedroom, which is sort of set on a floor of its own. Sounds grander than it is, but you get the gist!
My daughter is happily single and this is unlikely to change. Her flatmate-to-be is in an established relationship and it’s likely that he will be visiting lots (he’s a fellow student).
Daughter is an anxious soul, bless her, and she’d really value some privacy away from the couple.
Also there’s the fact that he will no doubt shower there sometimes, charge his phone, etc, so add to the energy bills. I should stress that he will definitely have his own place, but realistically speaking, will stay over there sometimes.
I will leave it to the girls to sort, and ultimately this is a life lesson for my daughter, in advocating for herself. I have told her my opinion and she agrees.
Would she be unreasonable to push for her first choice of bedroom?
Thanks.

Much better for the couple to have the en-suite. That way DD won’t have to put up with him stinking the flat out when he goes for his morning dump 💩 doesn’t flush the loo, pees on the seat or doesn’t put the seat back down and all the other disgusting bathroom habits men have.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 16/04/2026 14:54

I'd be asking him to contribute if he was staying regularly

Peonies12 · 16/04/2026 14:16

Whoever gets the ensuite pays more. I lived in houses at uni with significantly different size rooms, and we paid different amounts to reflect this.