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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu Retiring at 55 - 30 years of idleness?

567 replies

Scotsknowbest · 15/04/2026 23:19

So this is the thing: so many local friends have given up working in the last few years in their early to mid 50s, aibu to think what on earth are you going to do to stay interested and interesting?
I thought perhaps they would shut the house up and set off on a big trip but holidays have been more like 2 weeks in Greece instead of one.
I thought perhaps they would volunteer but that seems too restrictive for them.
I thought some might use their professional skills to join executive boards as NEDs or in advisory roles. But no.
Some have upped their golf or tennis, some are focusing on the garden (what, every day?) some walk the dog, read the paper.
I just think they will become so boring!
In contrast I caught up with 3 old school friends this evening who I see about once or twice a year. I asked them when they thought they would retire and each thought mid 60s.
Many of my friends have inherited recently and I think this has been the nudge. I have also inherited but I don't feel any different!
Just for context I am 57, work in 2 roles, one executive, board level, one professional but different area (social work) which takes me to about 4 days a week but I also run 4 properties as a landlord and have an aging dad who lives a mile away who I help with admin, appointments, organising stuff. I also have 2 grown kids the youngest at uni, 1st year. So, not as busy as when I worked and had little kids, but pretty busy in a good way. Personally I can't imagine stopping working so aibu, is 50to55 simply too young to be retiring even if the catalyst has been a windfall inheritance?

OP posts:
Madarch · 16/04/2026 18:03

Love my job and happy to be there as long as they want me.
I've cut my hours so I can be a charity trustee in my spare time.
I think we're very much on the same page, OP :)

TorroFerney · 16/04/2026 17:55

Gardenalia · 16/04/2026 17:11

Ok but being able to fulfil my sense of purpose is what gives my life meaning and happiness - travelling and standing around gazing at other people living their lives doesn’t, perhaps I’ve not explained it very well, sorry!

I think what you are saying could, and I labour the word could be interpreted (misinterpreted perhaps) as you thinking you just being is not enough, you are only worthwhile if you are doing things for people/for society. That may be totally wide of the mark of course. I think that may have been what the other poster meant or was picking up on - it sounded a bit like I only have value in relation to what I do for others so I can't stop that.

Firesidechatter · 16/04/2026 17:41

MyLittleNest · 16/04/2026 17:04

I'm with you, OP. It's a consensus for nearly everyone I know that once you retire, you become painfully boring to everyone else. I've seen it too many times.... It's different to slow down. But if you don't stay busy with something, you can really no longer relate to those that are.

I’m surprised at this, I know quite a few people who retired in their Early fifties, many police officers who have done their time. And they certainly didn’t become boring, they go off to gigs, travel, do (motor) bike trips. One, from a different field, bought a boat often fucks off to France for lunch.

I struggle to see how as they don’t work they are boring. do you feel this about everyone with no job, stay at home mums, the wealthy?

im going to early retire at year end, I can’t wait. I intend to travel for long weekends to Europe once a month, do Pilates and yoga classes. Go out to lunch with my friends, spend days in London as I live just outside, see the museums, shows, time on the south bank, because I’m lucky that I’m young enough, healthy enough ans affluent enough that I can. Lots of gigs as usual, festivals a couple of times a year as usual and the usual pub quiz.

if anything my life will be fuller than it was when I was working, because I’m no longer stuck in front of a computer.

however I also know people who retired and their worlds shrunk, don’t leave their small villages or towns, sit in front of the tv all day or potter in their gardens, seldom go out and the supermarket or dentist becomes a trip out for the day.

and that’s not about them becoming boring, they are still the same people. Just their worlds are now small but their conversation skills, intelligence, personality type has not changed they are still the same people, but for many onlookers their lives look small.

loveawineloveacrisp · 16/04/2026 17:23

MyLittleNest · 16/04/2026 17:04

I'm with you, OP. It's a consensus for nearly everyone I know that once you retire, you become painfully boring to everyone else. I've seen it too many times.... It's different to slow down. But if you don't stay busy with something, you can really no longer relate to those that are.

You must just know boring people then. I know plenty of retired people who are very interesting.

Tryingtokeepgoing · 16/04/2026 17:19

MyLittleNest · 16/04/2026 17:04

I'm with you, OP. It's a consensus for nearly everyone I know that once you retire, you become painfully boring to everyone else. I've seen it too many times.... It's different to slow down. But if you don't stay busy with something, you can really no longer relate to those that are.

That sounds to me like self-justification for not having the choice to give up work, or the imagination to see what else there is to life. What is painfully boring is to be with people who can only talk about work all the time - and I thought that as much when I was working as now I am not ;)

Gardenalia · 16/04/2026 17:13

The other thing that creeps me out about retiring is how many retired people I know who have become political extremists…

Gardenalia · 16/04/2026 17:11

cardibach · 16/04/2026 17:05

The fact you’ve clearly said doing something to improve your own quality of life isn’t sufficient purpose to do it. That you think it’s better to frame it as ‘making your life able to go back to work’ in order to make it worthwhile. Just my perception of that, really.

Ok but being able to fulfil my sense of purpose is what gives my life meaning and happiness - travelling and standing around gazing at other people living their lives doesn’t, perhaps I’ve not explained it very well, sorry!

cardibach · 16/04/2026 17:07

MyLittleNest · 16/04/2026 17:04

I'm with you, OP. It's a consensus for nearly everyone I know that once you retire, you become painfully boring to everyone else. I've seen it too many times.... It's different to slow down. But if you don't stay busy with something, you can really no longer relate to those that are.

For the 254783528473628th time retired people can very easily be busy!
Do you really talk to your friends about work? Because I’d be bored rigid if you did that to me. I suspect you talk about your experiences and interests rather more. Retired people have more of those. The ones I know are pretty interesting (or at least interesting in the same proportion as working people are).

cardibach · 16/04/2026 17:05

Gardenalia · 16/04/2026 17:03

what are you talking about? I value myself very highly indeed and I have a very good life which I don’t particularly thinks needs making any better. What gave you the opposite ideas?

Edited

The fact you’ve clearly said doing something to improve your own quality of life isn’t sufficient purpose to do it. That you think it’s better to frame it as ‘making your life able to go back to work’ in order to make it worthwhile. Just my perception of that, really.

MyLittleNest · 16/04/2026 17:04

I'm with you, OP. It's a consensus for nearly everyone I know that once you retire, you become painfully boring to everyone else. I've seen it too many times.... It's different to slow down. But if you don't stay busy with something, you can really no longer relate to those that are.

Gardenalia · 16/04/2026 17:03

cardibach · 16/04/2026 16:38

That makes me sad. You don’t value yourself enough to think making your life better is sufficient purpose for doing something.

what are you talking about? I value myself very highly indeed and I have a very good life which I don’t particularly thinks needs making any better. What gave you the opposite ideas?

godmum56 · 16/04/2026 17:00

I do wonder if the "Oh people get boring if they don't work and when you retire, you have to keep busy and contribute" people have drunk the Kool Aid?

godmum56 · 16/04/2026 16:58

MrThorpeHazell · 16/04/2026 15:48

I retired at 57. No long trips. Not a volunteer. I do what I want, when I want and sod all else.

It is wonderful!!!!!

me too.

godmum56 · 16/04/2026 16:54

Tryingtokeepgoing · 16/04/2026 15:04

The catalyst for retiring isn't always a financial one though, though a level of financial security is needed/helpful. I am 55, and I have retired twice now... You might say that that's because I retired too early in the first place...but...the reality is more complex.

I am 55. My husband was 47 when he died, and at that time we were financially secure - I'd been in 'C' suite jobs for more than 10 years. I had always planned on stepping back at 50ish to just focus on non-exec work, with a bit of charitable work and some consulting thrown in. Semi retirement if you like. Not long after he died I decided to simplify my life - we had properties in three counties, and in 2 countries. I got rid of most of them. In the cold light of day the return on these rented out was far less than if the cash had been equities, and they consumed far more bandwidth than I wanted to give. I am now left with a house in London, and a place in Italy.

I accelerated the exit from full time to work to consulting / non exec work and semi retirement once he died, and after an 18 month break, mainly over covid. that's what I did. But, I soon found that I was actually working harder than I had been before....albeit for even more money. Money that I didn't really need. So I gave up work completely when I was 53. While married and working full time my social circle was fairly small, in terms of those I saw regular, and, quite frankly, fairly homogenous. But now I have a wider circle of friends with varying backgrounds and of varying ages, who I catch up or meet or do things with more often. They are not all retired, but they also don't all work full time, or don't wok in regular Monday to Friday roles. I have the opportunity to do more things, locally in my community, and with family and friends, to travel, to support things that matter to me. My parents are in their 80s and fit and heathy, but I am acutely aware that won't be the case for ever, so I am happy that I can make the most of time right now. And, quite frankly, my husband dropped dead at 47 - life is fragile, and can be short. So never mind work-life balance, I now have a far better life balance and feel more fulfilled than I ever did while working Even though I have lost the man I spent the best part of 25 years with.

What did work bring me, other than money? Well, there was, I thought, job satisfaction and a sense of self worth. Looking back, the status and self worth element of working was, in the end, just plastering over the fact that I wasn't really always in control of what I did and when. Someone, somewhere always wanted something. Now, its all in my control.

I loved my work, my job, the difference I made, the people and careers I developed, the sense of being part of something. And yes, the money was nice But my life now is more rewarding on far more levels. But, I accept, that is underpinned by a level of security that my career gave me. However, what brought that sharply into focus was the death of my husband, and the realisation that I already had enough - indeed, more than many. I didn't need to work any longer, so I didn't.

apart from the ages, I could have written this.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 16/04/2026 16:51

cardibach · 16/04/2026 16:28

The purpose of making you a better person and your life a better life. Things don’t have to improve the whole world to be worthwhile.

I would add that a lot of people talk about "giving/contributing" as a value, but there's also value in "not taking".

When I retire, I will travel mostly by train and ferry - lower emission options possible if you have time to do it.

I'll grow my own food with low food miles, recycle and repair more diligently.

I'll exercise and take full care of my health.

I'll try and use services at times generally not convenient to those working.

It takes time to do things the slow way, to make sure that I don't take things from the planet and society that can't be replaced.

Wells37 · 16/04/2026 16:47

You’re in a very privileged position to be able to continue doing your job. My husband started a physical job at 16 and has done one ever since. He’s in his early 50s now there’s no way he will still be able to continue into his 60s! He keeps himself fit and healthy by eating well and exercising but his knees and shoulders are shot to pieces!

Middleagemoper · 16/04/2026 16:43

@Moveyourbleedingarse are you me?! I spent about 7 years as a stay at home mum before working (mainly) in schools for the past decade or so - currently in a school office. I find the long holidays rather boring as my children are now older and don’t need me and my husband has a full-on job so I vegetate. I definitely could up my (currently non-existent) exercise and I would like to do some travelling with my husband when he retires, but I’ve had years of pottering and volunteering. At the moment I feel I need a career (rather than a job) to actually retire from but my energy level is not what it once was and I’ve no idea what I want to do!

OMGitsnotgood · 16/04/2026 16:43

How many coffees, lunches and walks can I do?

  • *If you can’t imagine a way of spending your time other than those you’ve listed, you’re probably less interesting than you think you are. if early retirement isn’t for you, don’t do it, but don’t judge those of us who are loving retirement &. never bored.
cardibach · 16/04/2026 16:38

Gardenalia · 16/04/2026 16:33

Until I feel that’s enough of a purpose I guess I’ll just carry on working then!

That makes me sad. You don’t value yourself enough to think making your life better is sufficient purpose for doing something.

Allseeingallknowing · 16/04/2026 16:35

Gardenalia · 16/04/2026 16:16

I agree, as I said - I’ve been wrestling with this for a while! My introspection about it is constant, but I keep coming back to the same place. Yes, beauty, new experiences, different perspectives are great - but to what purpose will I put them? How will my experience of them make the world a better place?

They make YOUR world a better place?

Allseeingallknowing · 16/04/2026 16:34

Beenaboutabit · 16/04/2026 16:27

I started saving and investing at least 10% of my gross salary from 30 years old. At times it was difficult to keep up and it meant not being able to do everything I wanted to do. I was planning to go PT mid-50s and retire at 60. Instead I received an early inheritance a couple of years ago that was about half of what I had in my own pensions and investments, and I retired last year at 55. I’ve just had the best year of my life! DS is 14 and we’ve been able to go away much more as a family because work doesn’t restrict or block times when he’s not at school, I’ve had a solo trip away at an art retreat, and another trip with friends while OH steps up. And I ve also enjoyed being in the location we live in even more.

When not away, my weeks are filled with daily exercise classes, learning a musical instrument, cooking new recipes, cinema, gigs, theatre, reading, learning to sail and studying for my Day Skipper qualification. I’ve just qualified as a first aider and I volunteer with that at local community and sporting events. I’ve never been busier or as active. And not a day has gone by when I would rather have been a work regardless of the job I did suiting me well.

For anyone that has the financial wherewithal to stop working but has nothing they would rather do, then that’s brilliant! Keep working!

For anyone else, pay as much into your pension as you can and consider finding more about FIRE from different sources to help you on your way.

You were very fortunate financially
and health wise, but some pour all their spare money into a pension and drop dead three months after retirement!

Gardenalia · 16/04/2026 16:33

cardibach · 16/04/2026 16:28

The purpose of making you a better person and your life a better life. Things don’t have to improve the whole world to be worthwhile.

Until I feel that’s enough of a purpose I guess I’ll just carry on working then!

cardibach · 16/04/2026 16:28

Gardenalia · 16/04/2026 16:16

I agree, as I said - I’ve been wrestling with this for a while! My introspection about it is constant, but I keep coming back to the same place. Yes, beauty, new experiences, different perspectives are great - but to what purpose will I put them? How will my experience of them make the world a better place?

The purpose of making you a better person and your life a better life. Things don’t have to improve the whole world to be worthwhile.

Beenaboutabit · 16/04/2026 16:27

I started saving and investing at least 10% of my gross salary from 30 years old. At times it was difficult to keep up and it meant not being able to do everything I wanted to do. I was planning to go PT mid-50s and retire at 60. Instead I received an early inheritance a couple of years ago that was about half of what I had in my own pensions and investments, and I retired last year at 55. I’ve just had the best year of my life! DS is 14 and we’ve been able to go away much more as a family because work doesn’t restrict or block times when he’s not at school, I’ve had a solo trip away at an art retreat, and another trip with friends while OH steps up. And I ve also enjoyed being in the location we live in even more.

When not away, my weeks are filled with daily exercise classes, learning a musical instrument, cooking new recipes, cinema, gigs, theatre, reading, learning to sail and studying for my Day Skipper qualification. I’ve just qualified as a first aider and I volunteer with that at local community and sporting events. I’ve never been busier or as active. And not a day has gone by when I would rather have been a work regardless of the job I did suiting me well.

For anyone that has the financial wherewithal to stop working but has nothing they would rather do, then that’s brilliant! Keep working!

For anyone else, pay as much into your pension as you can and consider finding more about FIRE from different sources to help you on your way.

Gardenalia · 16/04/2026 16:16

cardibach · 16/04/2026 16:08

If your only purpose in life is work (however worthy) I’d say a bit of introspection to come up with something else might be in order. For example -travel isn’t just to ‘recharge’ to be fit for work. It’s to see beauty, experience new things, understand different perspectives. All of those are more purposeful than simply doing it to make you able to go back to work. You are suggesting a very narrow world view with that comment.

I agree, as I said - I’ve been wrestling with this for a while! My introspection about it is constant, but I keep coming back to the same place. Yes, beauty, new experiences, different perspectives are great - but to what purpose will I put them? How will my experience of them make the world a better place?