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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she could help just this once?

321 replies

OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere · 15/04/2026 20:09

I feel like I’m going mad because in my head this is what friends do, but she’s acting like I’ve asked for something outrageous.

I’m going on holiday next month for 10 days. It’s been booked for ages and I really need it. The issue is my cat. She’s quite anxious and doesn’t do well with catteries, last time she barely ate and lost weight, so I don’t want to put her through that again.

I asked a close friend if she could stay at mine while I’m away to look after her. She doesn’t have kids, works from home most of the time, and only lives about 15 minutes away, so it didn’t seem like a huge ask to me.

She said she could pop in once a day to feed her but didn’t want to stay over. I said that wouldn’t really work because the cat needs company and also I’d prefer someone actually in the house for security. It’s not the best area and I’d worry the whole time otherwise.

She still said no and suggested I try a professional sitter, but they’re expensive and it just feels a bit impersonal having a stranger in my house.

I did point out that I’ve helped her before, given her lifts, been there for her when she’s had issues with her ex etc. Not in a tit for tat way, just that I thought we had that kind of friendship where you help each other out.

She’s now gone a bit distant and said she feels “put on the spot” and “guilted”, which wasn’t my intention at all.

I just don’t really get why staying in a nicer house than hers for a week and a half (no offence to her!) and hanging out with a fairly low maintenance cat is such a big deal.

AIBU to think she’s being a bit selfish ?

OP posts:
PuggyPuggyPuggy · 15/04/2026 21:40

You don't need a holiday.
You just really want one.

seriousandloyal · 15/04/2026 21:36

This cannot be real! On the off chance that it is, OP you are a very bad friend and a very bad pet owner.

Twinkletoesandspaghettios · 15/04/2026 21:35

OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere · 15/04/2026 21:14

My neighbours and I don’t speak

Hardly shocking given your general attitude to your supposed “friend”

With friend like you . . .

Deadringer · 15/04/2026 21:34

I am amazed that op has a friend.

Candy24 · 15/04/2026 21:33

marzipanoranges · 15/04/2026 21:30

For security? What about her house whilst she moves into yours?

It’s all about OP remember

saraclara · 15/04/2026 21:32

I'm amazed that this thread is still standing, and that people are still replying as if it's real.

Candy24 · 15/04/2026 21:32

OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere · 15/04/2026 20:19

How is it a big ask? The fridge and pantry will be stocked so no cost to her. Pays less on energy and water that month because she’s using mine. Sounds like a fair trade to me

Wow you aren’t getting it

shhblackbag · 15/04/2026 21:32

I just don’t really get why staying in a nicer house than hers for a week and a half (no offence to her!) and hanging out with a fairly low maintenance cat is such a big deal.

It's not her house. It's a huge ask, and your post is insanely condescending about her and her life. You're lucky she offered what she did. Your lack of planning is not her emergency, and you're obviously unreasonable.

OneNewLeader · 15/04/2026 21:31

It was kind of her to come and feed the cat every day. Perhaps go back and say you’re sorry, you panicked and didn’t mean to offend. You may just bring this friendship back.

marzipanoranges · 15/04/2026 21:30

For security? What about her house whilst she moves into yours?

Springpartyideas · 15/04/2026 21:30

This can’t be real!

viques · 15/04/2026 21:29

Netcurtainnelly · 15/04/2026 21:21

you don't want your house. empty but it's ok for hers to be. Madness. Be thankful she's offered to come by and feed the cat.

no, the friend has a partner, who it seems is happy to not only stay at home for ten days but has promised not to use electricity, gas or water so the OP can congratulate herself on saving the friends utility bills , as she says in her post at 20.19, this seems like a “fair trade” especially when you factor in the full fridge and larder of food chosen by the OP, almost certainly guaranteed not to have come from Ocado, Waitrose, Abel and Cole….

PollyBell · 15/04/2026 21:29

Is this some weird reverse social experiment scenario for school debates?

ilovesooty · 15/04/2026 21:28

Overthebow · 15/04/2026 20:51

You need to budget for cat care though in your holiday plans.

Exactly. When I go away it's part of my budget.

SeekOIt · 15/04/2026 21:28

You're being very unreasonable and really overstepping boundaries to dare put on someone like this. She's offered to do you a favour, by checking in on the cat daily, while is quite a big inconvenience, but it isn't good enough for you. I'd completely rescind my offer of help if i were her.

ParmaVioletTea · 15/04/2026 21:28

OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere · 15/04/2026 21:14

My neighbours and I don’t speak

Shock

Oh, I wonder why ....

CatGuardian · 15/04/2026 21:28

Cat in a Flat has cat sitters and one option is for them to stay at your place. So you could see what that would cost. If that's out of budget then I think your friend's offer to come in once a day, for no money offered, is a good one. I used to pay a friend to do the same and gave them the same money I'd be paying to the cattery.

ImFinePMSL · 15/04/2026 21:27

OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere · 15/04/2026 20:31

I didn’t ask for her to do it for free. I offered £50 for staying after the initial offer to come in and feed the cat but she said this was insulting. But I’m not made of money

£50 for 10 days.

That’s ….. 21p an hour. TWENTY ONE PENCE 🤣‼️

Your friend should get rid of you. Awful, vile, entitled behaviour!

Octavia64 · 15/04/2026 21:26

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 15/04/2026 21:20

They’re probably all covered in cat hair though

I have three long haired cats and they are currently shedding. Every surface and in fact every thing in my house is covered in cat hair.

it’s even drifting in the air….

venus7 · 15/04/2026 21:26

OhDearWhatDoWeHaveHere · 15/04/2026 20:25

She has a partner so completely irrelevant

Hardly irrelevant; she may want to be with her partner.

luckylavender · 15/04/2026 21:26

YABVVU. I wouldn’t do that for a friend. It’s a massive ask.

aspirationalferret · 15/04/2026 21:26

Dogbite · 15/04/2026 21:22

This has to be a reverse!

Ooh yes that would make sense.

aspirationalferret · 15/04/2026 21:25

I think this is a fake thread.

Of course nobody is going to house sit in a rough area, leaving their own home comforts and partner for 10 days and only £50!!!

very very selfish and judgy too - to say your house is nicer. Yet yours is in a dodgy security area.

like others have said you should have planned this before booking.

no wonder she’s gone distant. If this is true of course.

AliTheMinx · 15/04/2026 21:24

You are being absolutely unreasonable!... That is such an ask. No wonder your friend said no!

NoExchangeBeforeChristmasThen · 15/04/2026 21:23

Mylovelygreendress · 15/04/2026 21:21

Have I just found my first reverse ?

I was just about to post the same!