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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have gone to hospital with bf?

64 replies

ShatterLily · 15/04/2026 19:23

I have a 7 yo and nearly 3 year old and I'm pregnant again unplanned and I'm not sure what I want to do I only found out a few days ago but I don't know if it's actually positive as I had 1 positive 1 negative but my period is late and I don't know what to do if I am as youngest was premature and had a traumatic early few months with getting very unwell. He's hard work tbh and barely eats anything and doesn't talk (he is partially deaf though)

Our relationship is quite tense atm He's classed as obese but due to his height (6ft 3) it doesn't really show he was 21 stone 4 but since the start of the year he's gone to 20 st 6 so he is trying to eat better but I usually make his lunch when I make my eldests for school. He's also still obsessed with any fizzy drink and he vapes which ice told him I don't like as he's also got asthma he's taken to doing it outside when he thinks I don't know

It really doesn't take that much extra time but the past few days have been hard as we all were unwell and 2yo hasnt been sleeping so I've been exhausted

Today I didn't make my bf any lunch and he was in a mood when I got home and said he'd eaten junk out the fridge (sausage rolls and crisps) and accuser me of not helping him lose weight

So I already wasn't pleased with him butthe ended up having an asthma attack which is probably down to the cough he still has when from we were all unwell last week but also the vape

He still wasn't any better after he had his inhaler and in the end I phoned the ambulance I didn't go with him as I'm home with the children

I feel like he sort of wanted me to go with him and his mum is shocked that I haven't gone and has called me cruel. I need outsiders opinions because I don't have much sympathy for him right now

AIBU to not go?

OP posts:
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Rescuedog12 · 18/04/2026 09:59

ShatterLily · 15/04/2026 19:23

I have a 7 yo and nearly 3 year old and I'm pregnant again unplanned and I'm not sure what I want to do I only found out a few days ago but I don't know if it's actually positive as I had 1 positive 1 negative but my period is late and I don't know what to do if I am as youngest was premature and had a traumatic early few months with getting very unwell. He's hard work tbh and barely eats anything and doesn't talk (he is partially deaf though)

Our relationship is quite tense atm He's classed as obese but due to his height (6ft 3) it doesn't really show he was 21 stone 4 but since the start of the year he's gone to 20 st 6 so he is trying to eat better but I usually make his lunch when I make my eldests for school. He's also still obsessed with any fizzy drink and he vapes which ice told him I don't like as he's also got asthma he's taken to doing it outside when he thinks I don't know

It really doesn't take that much extra time but the past few days have been hard as we all were unwell and 2yo hasnt been sleeping so I've been exhausted

Today I didn't make my bf any lunch and he was in a mood when I got home and said he'd eaten junk out the fridge (sausage rolls and crisps) and accuser me of not helping him lose weight

So I already wasn't pleased with him butthe ended up having an asthma attack which is probably down to the cough he still has when from we were all unwell last week but also the vape

He still wasn't any better after he had his inhaler and in the end I phoned the ambulance I didn't go with him as I'm home with the children

I feel like he sort of wanted me to go with him and his mum is shocked that I haven't gone and has called me cruel. I need outsiders opinions because I don't have much sympathy for him right now

AIBU to not go?

You don't need an extra child.you already have a man child.

Original poster
ShatterLily · 16/04/2026 11:26

ImmortalSnowman · 15/04/2026 23:22

You have to work part time because you have to do all nursery drop offs and pick ups while your lazy bf sits at home eating lunch that he expects you to make.

He doesn't look after the two children you already have and only works when he feels like it. What does he bring to your life?

Show quote history

He takes youngest to nursery and i take eldest to school but youngest doesn’t go to nursery everyday so i can’t work FT.

Bf is my 2yo dad but not my eldests.

OP posts:
aWeeCornishPastie · 16/04/2026 00:30

You did nothing wrong who would take kids to the hospital. And you know more than likely he will he ok also

ImFinePMSL · 16/04/2026 00:15

Pistachiocake · 15/04/2026 23:44

Did his mum offer to take the kids?
And no, I'm not saying a grandmother automatically has to, but as she called you cruel, OP?

Show quote history

I think the boyfriend isn’t the children’s father. (OP says “my dc” rather than “our dc”)

Which is maybe why the guy’s mum would call the OP ‘cruel’. Any grandmother would want their young grandchildren comfortable at home instead of in an A&E waiting room for hours.

OP- if this isn’t the case and your boyfriend IS the father of your kids, I apologise.

Ubugly · 16/04/2026 00:00

Tacohill · 15/04/2026 19:27

If it was me, I would have put him in the ambulance and told him I’d meet him at the hospital once I sorted childcare.

You’d need to go and pick him up anyway

Why does she need.to pick him up? She may not even drive and sounds like she doesn't have a ton of childcare. Not everyone has someone they can ring who will babysit at the drop of a hat.

BauhausOfEliott · 15/04/2026 23:50

ShatterLily · 15/04/2026 19:50

He can make his own lunch but he then usually grabs unhealthy food because it's quicker than ‘better’ food

I don’t think the vaping helps not even just due to his asthma it’s the fact it’s not healthy as a whole and it’s more money which we could do with elsewhere e

His mum is on holiday I suppose I could've gone if I asked my mum to have the dc but I don't ask her very often and we don't even have a good relationship due to how she treated me during my firsr pregnancy and tbh I don't even know if she was free

He can make his own lunch but he then usually grabs unhealthy food because it's quicker than ‘better’ food

But that’s his problem, not yours.

He sounds like an arsehole.

Also, my ex was six foot three and very broad-shouldered (former rugby league player) and he weighed about 15 stone, so I’m struggling to believe that your partner being 21 stone ‘doesn’t show’.

Pistachiocake · 15/04/2026 23:44

Tacohill · 15/04/2026 19:25

Surely you couldn’t have gone with young kids?

What did he expect you to do?

Did his mum offer to take the kids?
And no, I'm not saying a grandmother automatically has to, but as she called you cruel, OP?

ImFinePMSL · 15/04/2026 23:44

@ShatterLily is your boyfriend the father of your 2 children?

ImmortalSnowman · 15/04/2026 23:22

ShatterLily · 15/04/2026 22:38

I work P/T and i have to fit around school time and appointments for my youngest he’s only in nursery part time too anything else would be too much for him at this stage

Bf studies and works as a deliveroo driver he says it’s more flexible compared to other jobs as he can pick when he works etc and how long for

You have to work part time because you have to do all nursery drop offs and pick ups while your lazy bf sits at home eating lunch that he expects you to make.

He doesn't look after the two children you already have and only works when he feels like it. What does he bring to your life?

Squareblack · 15/04/2026 23:16

Yanbu to stay at home.

Rethink this baby OP.
You have enough to deal with.

Rethink the manchild too.
You deserve better.

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 15/04/2026 23:12

You made a judgement call and stayed home to mind your 2 young kids. You did nothing wrong. If your bf was in a bad way, would he have preferred you there? sure. We all like company when something unexpected happens. But you did what you thought was right for you and your kids at that time. I would just let it pass over if you can. Say as little as you can if anyone complains about it. You made a judgement call at the time, nothing wrong with that. Who's to say that bringing the kids would have gone well either. Id focus on getting your bf recovered and general mom stuff. Its plenty to be doing

DesolatedCheese · 15/04/2026 22:55

I've sent DP to resus on his own a couple of times. He has an unstable, serious medical condition and ends up in A and E multiple times a year. If the kids are with me, there's no other option.

Original poster
ShatterLily · 15/04/2026 22:38

I work P/T and i have to fit around school time and appointments for my youngest he’s only in nursery part time too anything else would be too much for him at this stage

Bf studies and works as a deliveroo driver he says it’s more flexible compared to other jobs as he can pick when he works etc and how long for

OP posts:
ImFinePMSL · 15/04/2026 21:48

@ShatterLily Is he the father of your 2 children?

TomatoSandwiches · 15/04/2026 21:32

Honestly you should probably get rid of the pregnancy and him, what exactly do you love about him, sounds like gargantuan gross third child already.

toomuchfaff · 15/04/2026 21:27

ChaChaChaChanges · 15/04/2026 19:26

YANBU to stay home, because you had to look after the DCs.

YABU to not be sympathetic about an asthma attack.

Sympathy for an asthma attack?

He vapes. He's obese. There's no sympathy.

OP YANBU.

rookiemere · 15/04/2026 21:22

It sounds like you already have 3 DC.

TheIceBear · 15/04/2026 21:20

This is the reality when you have kids . I’d to go to a&e recently and my dh couldn’t stay cos he had to collect child from school. I was actually admitted . Did I care ? No because I’m an adult who can manage on my own . Did my mother interfere ? No for the same reason. Just ignore her .

Ultraalox · 15/04/2026 21:19

I wouldn’t have gone with my husband, It’s not a family day out. You did the right thing OP.

popcorn215 · 15/04/2026 21:10

Does he not work? He needs to grow up only eating healthier if you are going to make it for him everyday.

already sounds like you’ve got a third child in him.

godmum56 · 15/04/2026 21:07

why is it your fault he ate junk out of the fridge? Honestly what does this useless person do to improve your life?

Original poster
ShatterLily · 15/04/2026 20:56

MyLimeGuide · 15/04/2026 20:08

Contraception.

We do use contraception

I do love him but It’s hard to have sympathy when he doesn’t help himself with regards to vaping and he doesn’t use his preventer inhaler as he should etc

OP posts:
Tacohill · 15/04/2026 20:52

His lifestyle and the argument about his lunch are completely separate issues to him needing to go to the hospital.

It is nice to have someone attend the hospital as sometimes it’s easier for someone to leave and go and get a drink or if 1 of you needs the toilet and then the other can listen out for their name etc.

But it’s irrelevant because you couldn’t go as you have young kids that you can’t leave alone.

I think your mum was out of order.
All she had to say was that she can pop over to babysit if you want to go and be with him - not make you feel bad about it.

Once he gets the all clear, it’s time to reevaluate this relationship.
Hopefully you’re not pregnant as neither of you are in a position to have another child.

His attitude towards you not making his lunch is disgusting and the only person eating too many calories is him.

Do you not work?
Is that why he’s treating you like his mummy and acting like a spoilt child?

Livpool · 15/04/2026 20:52

I have severe asthma and have pretty much always gone to an and e by myself as DH has to look after DS. A and e is not for children, unless they are the patients.

JLou08 · 15/04/2026 20:45

pinkdelight · 15/04/2026 20:34

Does he know people die from asthma attacks? Presumably yes, and is he doing anything to help himself or is his asthma, weight, his children and everything else her responsibility rather than his? Genuine love and care - like making his lunch every day - has got her nothing but blame for him scoffing sausage rolls and crisps. Why is she meant to have this endless reservoir of love and care while he abuses his health and all she gets is grief from him and his mother? I think she'd be better off staying mad longer and drawing a firm line. As well as sorting out iron-clad contraception in future.

Show quote history

It's not OPs responsibility. I'm not saying she is unreasonable for not going to the hospital but that doesn't change my opinion. If your DP goes to A&E in an ambulance with a life threatening condition and you're still ruminating on an argument rather than having any concern for them there is no care or love there. I'd go further than saying she needs contraception, she needs to end the relationship completely.

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