‘Catching print’ trend humiliating DS - contact college or let it go for now??

ask your son. What would he like you to do? I can’t imagine a 17yo wanting you to bring it up with his college…

but you definitely should not tolerate this under your roof!

How come the 17 yo is a ‘child’ yet the 14 yo needs to “grow up”?

This is aside from the harassment, the son is old enough to drive, marry etc. he is a young man, not a child.

On the one hand, your 17 year old child is being sexually harassed in a way that could long term self esteem issues. I would at least talk to him about you or him raising it in college. I would also refuse to have the 14 year old friend over again until she's grown up.

On the other hand, this isn't the first time women have tried to harass men because they have to deal with it. It backfires and justifies continued harassment of women by men.

I know this is massively not the point of the thread - but what is the ‘print’ on their trousers? Do you mean like a pattern?

You think 'all' teenagers so 13-19, 17 year olds studying for A levels to get into good universities are caught up in Tik Tok trends,

No - hence the reason I didn't say this.

you don't think these are a bit cringe

They're absolutely cringe - hence the reason I didn't say I don't think these are a bit cringe.

I think those who are 17 or adults themselves trying to achieve decent grades at A level, don't get caught up in ridiculous trends like the one in the OP at a scale you are convinced by.

I haven't mentioned a scale.

You however, said "at our local sixth form college, this just wouldn't happen."

Which makes you extremely naïve.

I hope this post has cleared a few things up for you as you seem to be struggling a bit with comprehension.

You think 'all' teenagers so 13-19, 17 year olds studying for A levels to get into good universities are caught up in Tik Tok trends, you don't think these are a bit cringe. Yes, school aged teenagers, I think those who are 17 or adults themselves trying to achieve decent grades at A level, don't get caught up in ridiculous trends like the one in the OP at a scale you are convinced by.

Exactly!

We need to nip this sort of thing in the bud asap as soon as there is any hint of it, regardless of whether it’s boys towards girls or vice versa, or the same sex or ‘gender fluid/neutral’.

Saying that it’s happened to girls for years so let them carry on is implying that it’s acceptable to do it to girls as well.

This should absolutely be reported to the college and it’s shameful how many posters are implying that’s it’s embarrassing for his mum to be complaining.

If this was my DD I’d be ringing up the college immediately.
My DD is in college and told me about a girl in her class, I wasn’t her parent but still rang the college and made them aware of potential grooming.

You're still being ridiculous if you think more 'educated' teenagers don't get swept up in internet crazes.

It's got more to do with being a teenager than it has to do with being educated.

"Teenagers" yes some do get caught up in TikTok trends, the less educated ones.

Don't be so ridiculous.

Teenagers from all over get swept up in TikTok crazes.

You're being very naïve.

Well usually sixth formers studying for A levels are a little bit more intelligent than school kids, maybe a bit more politically correct. It certainly is at our local sixth form college, this just wouldn't happen.

Why are pp saying it's ok because girls have put up with this stuff for years?
Sexual harassment is not ok whoever it's aimed at.
Ask your ds if he wants you to have a word and do whatever he wants.

Don't tolerate it under your roof, call them on it and tell them not to say that. I don't tolerate gay slurs, disgusting terms for women, or sexual remarks about men's body parts from my teenagers; that's not ok.

Be sympathetic and teach him how to report this and tell his tutors if he wants to, and it's very unlikely he will want you to intervene now he's 17 and at college. The tutors and staff will have training in dealing with harassment and bullying and he should start there. I do know a boy who told his tutor about harassment by a girl at college, including quite physical behaviour, accusations, sending him inappropriate pictures, all kinds, and the college dealt with it sensitively.

I don't think that's the point. Allowing a boy to be sexually harassed because it happens to girls so often isn't accepting a double standard. The issue is the sexual harassment and objectification in the first place and neither should be acceptable. That boy should be treated with the same support as a girl in that situation. Telling someone to suck it up cos it happens to other people will only make it worse. These girls belive they are entitled to do this because they think 'boys do it' without thought as to whether this particular boy does. If it becomes a widespread thing then all it does is send out a message to boys that this is acceptable and it will get 1000 times worse for girls.

You wouldn’t tolerate it if it was your daughter but will tolerate it for your son?

I’ve briefly spoken to him about it but I was wondering whether to go down the route of telling him that’s what women go through as others have said here?

That’ll teach him. It’s ok for people to talk about your penis because women are subjected to remarks from a young age. You must experience how we feel in order to understand it.

Bullshit.

This ⬆️

I would never tolerate any inappropriate remarks made about DD or any other girls under my roof.

Please never let your son know this, considering you didn't afford him the same support.

Well you tolerated it under your own roof when you heard it said about your son

I'd email the pastoral care and make them aware of the trend and that it's happening in the college. There's a duty of care and anti bullying etc policies that this comes under. Under 18s can't always advocate for themselves. Which is why we have safeguarding, that clicks in without a complaint from the affected person, being made.

This type of sexual harassment is well-documented in every school in the country! If you heard how young men in groups speak about young women, which I do, it's absolutely horrific.

I don't think being harassed is ok, I think the son should be supported by his mum to raise this with his course tutor and/or the pastoral lead. Just as she undoubtedly did when her girls were sexually harassed or whatever (now you are going to tell me that none of the girls were ever called anything or no derogatory remarks made to them by boys in secondary school which I won't believe as I know exactly what goes on in the corridors of these schools and is well-documented in surveys on exactly this topic).

It's not double-standards to promotee 17 year olds taking the initiative to speak up themselves about these issues, or to insist that that language isn't ok in the house, or to ask whether the OP has been very concerned about her daughters experiencing the same type of things (latest figures, 90% of girls in school have had at least sexual name calling).

It's not ok at all, which is why I would ask the OP to listen to her son sympathetically and not make comparisons with girls, as that sounds dismissive. That's a different thing from questioning whether we have become used to one type of sexual harassment and see another as more serious and intervention-worthy because it affects boys.

Absolutely! If that had happened in my house I'd be having words with the girl!

YANBU
If it was the other way round there would be an uproar.

I would bring it to the college’s attention, but I would do it on the quiet without your DS knowing.

God women go through lots of things - the answer isn't to make men go through them too. When a man is raped I don't think hah! happens to women all the time so I'm glad a man knows what it's like now. I was derided for being flat chested at school but I don't think for a second the answer is to pick on boys in the same way.

I would tell him it's extremely childish and pathetic, in the same was that boys targeting girls with a cup chests is. That neither is ok and the best thing is to call it out himself to the girls if he feels able - 'body shaming people with nonsense off tiktok? Really?' Alternatively just a 'really' and an eye roll. I'd give him the option for you to speak to school but I would anticipate that at this point he'd rather you didn't.