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Original poster

to wonder why childcare seems to default to women, even now?

61 replies

saynooo · 15/04/2026 16:52

When people talk about help with their children, it is almost always their mum or mother in law or another woman stepping in. School pickups, last minute childcare, sleepovers, even just popping round for a couple of hours. It is very rarely dad, father in law, or grandad being the go to person.

What I find odd is that this happens even when the dad or grandfather is literally there and available. It is not like they are nowhere to be seen. They might be in the same house, or just as free, but people still seem to default to asking the woman first. It is not always the case that they are working.

Almost like people do not even think to ask the dad, FIL, grandad. Easier just to dump it on the nearest woman.

NOT SAYING THIS IS TRUE IN EVERY CASE.

OP posts:
Original poster
saynooo · 15/04/2026 17:58

user3424 · 15/04/2026 17:05

You're asking to fight against biology.

Women have been responsible for childcare since the dawn of time.
There're lots of dodgy men out there.

Edited

If women's own partners, fathers and FILs are dodgy, why have children then?

OP posts:
Original poster
saynooo · 15/04/2026 17:57

WearyLeader · 15/04/2026 17:49

Your naïveté is astounding if you think this is some big conspiracy. As pp said it is because too many men can’t be trusted and we don’t know which ones they are until it’s too late, sadly. This will not ever change. The answer is to respect childcare more and pay it and value it properly.

So why do women keep having babies with men if they can't be trusted?

OP posts:
WearyLeader · 15/04/2026 17:49

Your naïveté is astounding if you think this is some big conspiracy. As pp said it is because too many men can’t be trusted and we don’t know which ones they are until it’s too late, sadly. This will not ever change. The answer is to respect childcare more and pay it and value it properly.

rubyslippers · 15/04/2026 17:47

user2848502016 · 15/04/2026 17:42

It doesn’t in my family, my Dad has been a “hands on” grandad since my DDs were born, looked after them when they were little, does school pick ups etc.
However a lot of men his generation have never done much childcare for their own children and wouldn’t know where to start.

Also the reason it tends to default to women is men are sadly far less trustworthy around children. In an emergency would I ask a female neighbour to look after my child? Yes probably, would I ask a male neighbour? No no way.

Are you suggesting your DH or partner is less trustworthy?!

i have a theory - as well as women giving birth so automatically cast as primary parent maternity leave screws the gender roles up for many couples with many women not working after birth / part time etc and becoming the default parent
this continues into childhood and beyond so logically extends to grandmothers

how many women are automatically assumed to pick up the caring responsibilities for aging parents (so daughters rather than sons)

woemns time is not valued the same as a man’s and our duty is to serve others (and society consistently reinforces this)

Depressing but true

user2848502016 · 15/04/2026 17:42

It doesn’t in my family, my Dad has been a “hands on” grandad since my DDs were born, looked after them when they were little, does school pick ups etc.
However a lot of men his generation have never done much childcare for their own children and wouldn’t know where to start.

Also the reason it tends to default to women is men are sadly far less trustworthy around children. In an emergency would I ask a female neighbour to look after my child? Yes probably, would I ask a male neighbour? No no way.

Snorlaxo · 15/04/2026 17:12

I think it’s a hangover from maternity leave too. If mum hangs out with her mum or MIL during ML then it can reinforce the childcare is performed by women idea. I know that there’s shared paternity leave etc but I’m not convinced that a significant number of men take it.

Whyarepeople · 15/04/2026 17:10

Because there's a high chance that the men who are now grandads didn't change a single nappy when their own children were little and thus they don't have a clue how to look after a small child.

I suspect if my DH ever becomes a grandad he will be so involved as to be annoying, but then he has been as involved in raising his own children as I have.

INX · 15/04/2026 17:07

Gosh, this has to be at least the third thread on this in as many days?

I'm not sure why it defaults, but I have known quite a few grandads to do the school runs.

Although I suspect there may be a wife at home looking after the DC once they're picked up.

user3424 · 15/04/2026 17:05

You're asking to fight against biology.

Women have been responsible for childcare since the dawn of time.
There're lots of dodgy men out there.

RoyalPenguin · 15/04/2026 16:56

I agree OP. We just have to keep fighting against this assumption in the hope that one day things will be different.

araiwa · 15/04/2026 16:55

Because women don't trust men