AIBU to plan a big party for a 69th?

then you have another party the following year? Or do something else you enjoy?

I wasn’t aware that once you hit a certain age that parties are only allowed for “big birthdays”

Do they though?

Maybe if that has always been the norm and there has always been a gathering for a particular person then they might be seen as a party person.
If it comes out of the blue, knowing a significant birthday is only a year away, then this likely to make people wonder why.

If we hosted a big party for my mum (which we wouldn't as she would hate it) there would be some guests who would want to stay over (travel distance, wanting to drink). There is also the issue over a gift. Usually when going to a big party then a larger gift than normal is given (we don't generally give to adults anyway apart from significant birthdays, so this would also confuse the situation).

It also then undermines what is done for the actual 70th birthday assuming mum doesn't die like the OP is concerned about.
So do they sell the early birthday as early due to other plans next year (big holiday instead)?

Presumably OP isn't planning to put up a banner saying 'just in case you don't see another one '. People have parties for insignificant birthdays all the time.

Do a Bill and Ted theme and get everyone to come as historical figures so you can all go "69 Dude!"

My mother would have been mortified if people knew her age, god forbid they thought she was even older (yes even by a year)!
If you think she’d be happy with a birthday party (my mother would not), then wait a year.

Well nobody else here can tell you if your mum will like it 😵‍💫😵‍💫

JFC she’s 69 not 89. YABU.

on another note, I wouldn’t appreciate it one bit and would be deeply offended that you thought I was about to croak it at 69.

Assuming if she loves socialising and dancing then she isn’t near end of life.

Just don't mention the number and throw her a party!

I would think it's weird and quite cringe to make a big deal of 69.

Does that not lead to an anticlimax, though, assuming you do reach 70 - and you feel resigned to a quiet, low-fuss day, because you've already had your massive bash the previous year?

I would maybe sell it as a “why wait until you’re 70” party and it will be a more unexpected surprise.

but I also enjoy a fuss of any birthday and love any excuse for a celebration.

my DM died at 58 so I use any excuse I can to enjoy myself!

I think a large part of it will hinge on whether she's normally an extroverted, gregarious, party animal type or not. If she has a blast celebrating every birthday, nobody will think anything of it; but if she normally just celebrates with a meal out for the immediate family, everybody will assume that a big party means that it's a 'landmark' year.

I know what it's like to lose loved ones at a young age, but if she isn't terminally ill or otherwise in very poor health, she's very likely to see her 70th birthday. If I were you, I'd consider working with her to plan a 'nice' day for her 69th, but then take the whole of the next year making massive plans for a huge celebration for her 70th IF that is what she will love.

Personally, I'm not a fan of surprise parties, as they then rob people of the excitement of the anticipation and being able to plan (not necessarily alone) exactly what they like. Parties tend to be in the evening, so it's a horrible feeling when your big day arrives and nobody seems at all bothered about you all day; in a way that a huge (often overwhelming) surprise when most of your special day has already gone doesn't really make up for all of those hours of sadness and feeling unloved.

Well I am probably the wrong person to ask but my dad dropped dead last year at 69 and I wish we had done more for his birthday. Although he would have hated it 😁

The dreaded afternoon tea! 😂

If you dragged me past celebrated cocktail bars and Michelin starred restaurants to feed me Earl Grey and jam - I would be apoplectic with disappointment.

(I like scones - I make them at home. Not A Treat.)

Don't be silly. Just wait a year.

But, like it or not, that's what a lot of people will think and snigger about when they hear that number. Bryan Adams even wrote a song about it (and he wasn't talking about the year, as he would only have been 10 then, and he was talking about his friends driving around and getting married).

It's a bit like some of the baby name threads, where OP and her social circle may well not associate a certain name with something rude or unfortunate, but sadly a great many people whom the child will encounter through their life will.

I'm sure she'll be surprised, but surprises are not always good and this is a good example of a "not good" one.

Does it have to be a surprise? Most "surprise" parties I have been to have been more about what the organiser wanted than the person whose birthday it was. Most people want to choose and look forward to their celebration, not have someone else's choices imposed on them.

Unless your mother has a terminal illness, wait a year and ask her how she wants to celebrate her birthday.

This is a bit of a weird post op given how many posters have already made the link (myself included!) on your post. It’s nothing personal!

People will either think she’s dying and won’t make 70, or it’s some weird sex celebration birthday. I’d just wait for 70, it’s only one year.

I wouldn’t op, what about spending the money on a nice weekend away for her birthday including afternoon tea maybe?

This exactly.
I'd be appalled and very upset.

Indeed. I'll be 68 in a couple of months and if a loved one said "Well, we decided to give you a party now because we thought you might cark it soon" I might not enjoy the event...

I do sympathise with how jolted you must feel by recent bereavements, @Mementodishwasher - but you’re young (30s, 40s?) and probably don’t yet appreciate that (absent a terminal diagnosis) people in their 60s / 70s (even 80s / 90s!) don’t feel they’re at death’s door - and don’t appreciate being treated as if they are. (I feel fecking murderous towards people who jump up to offer me a seat on the bus!😂)