AIBU to worry two nursery days a week is not enough?

Two days is plenty, she may not be ready for more and she obviously doesn't enjoy it anyway. Nothing is being taken away from her, she'll be fine.

OP she will be fine - she’s probably just a bit too young right now. My DS hated preschool and never settled - cried every day going in. It was just after covid and he hadn’t mixed much with other kids so I put it down to that. Nursery also blamed him and said he wasn’t socialising well with other kids and even hinted at ASD. I was very worried about how he would take to reception.

Anyway it was like night and day. He thrived in reception from day 1, became really confident, made lots of friends (and he doesn’t have ASD or any SEN). Turns out he just really didn’t like that nursery! Anyway I’m not suggesting there is an issue with your DD’s nursery but just saying that not settling at nursery isn’t always an indication that school will be hard. They mature so much between 2 and 4 - it’s double their life.

I promise she will manage. My DD didn't go to nursery or preschool AT ALL (she did attend a childminder but out of the school area) so she started school without knowing anyone at all.

She was also a quiet, shy type. She was absolutely fine. Teachers are used to dealing with all different types of kids and personalities and will be able to help her cultivate friendships as they go along

PS I also was absolutely not the type to do baby/toddler groups etc so she didn't go to those either

This.

If she's not happy and settled where she is then you will have to either move her or wait untill school nursery in September. Yes it's a hassle. Everything will be a hassle, you need to work it out and manage it. Belive it or not I've been a mother for 29 years and it's can still he a hassle with my older teens to work things out, not so much my adult one. If she's not happy you need to sort it, this isn't about you

Find her a new place where she can do her three days all in a row. She will get settled then so knows home us 4 days nursery 3. Then home 2 days school 5.

I did exactly this with DS2. He went 2 full days nursery as childcare and then 3 mornings pre school at the primary school. It worked brilliantly for him.

You know she doesn't have to start reception in September 2027

This op and if she’s a summer baby defer I’m doing this for my daughter because she’s not ready

I would transition her to a preschool setting when she turns three and sign her up now. Firstly, she isn’t happily settled so you have an opportunity to see if another setting would improve things.

Secondly, the preschool year was gold dust as it started the learning journey and made the move to reception so much easier for my DC. It was also the year some issues my DC had got spotted and I was able to plan for how to deal with them at school, working together with the school. Without this I think reception would have been very challenging.

There was a time when none of us went to nursery and were at home with our caregivers until we started school. How did we all manage? My mother toilet trained me, taught me to eat with cutlery, I could dress myself. We also learnt to speak when it was our turn. I knew how to hold a pencil, draw and colour. I was also used to books and used to sitting quietly when necessary. Apart from cousins I wasn’t used to playing with other children. somehow I coped with the transition into school. My DC didn’t go to nursery till they were 3 and a half and even then it was 5 half days and in order to ensure they got a place in the Primary School.

My DD was like this. Had 2 long days in nursery but the switch to the preschool room caused major issues. She seemed to have selective mutism in that setting. There is more going on that we have discovered over the years, which I’m not suggesting at all, but I hope some of what we did may be helpful.

We chose to remove our DD. We were fortunate we could juggle a term without childcare but the following on your non working day is possible. We attended a parent and toddler group at a village school who were opening a preschool. Attending with me ensured she got to know the adults and setting. She was comfortable being there before she went without me.

Our local forest preschool also did parent and toddler sessions which we attended before I enrolled her in a year of forest school preschool independently. If you’re fixed in not removing her, consider a very different approach for the 3rd day such as forest or farm school. It was my DD’s favourite day of the week

Parenting is all about hassle.

What’s “hassle” to you, to her is the place of education she will attend for a year. A year is nothing to you but it’s more than a quarter of her whole life at the point.

It’s hassle to buy a bike she’ll grow out of in a year, school shoes that last 6 months, to find a Speech Therapy if her issues don’t resolve, take her to the dentist every 6 months. Doesn’t mean any of those aren’t worth doing.

I would move her. If they had space you could move her now (is it one months notice with nursery?).

I had a very shy DS and he had to go to 2 different nurseries at once from 10 months (because apparently 10 months notice wasn’t enough… this was years ago before it was standard to book them in when you were pregnant).

One nursery he hated (whereas his brother loved that one), one nursery he liked (but all ages were together so he was with his older brother the whole time). Then in the last school year before school started for him, we dropped the nursery he didn’t like and added school pre-school into the mix, and he settled easily and was really happy there.

It also made the school transition easier because it was across the playground with all the same kids, plus one of the preschool staff became a TA in his class.

You'll likely find resetting her for a year with more days elsewhere easier. It's a step towards a more school based provision and she'll be older.

I don't really understand what you mean when you say you worry she'll never have experienced a 'proper' social setting, a routine and the other things they teach in school.

Just because she's going 2 days doesn't mean she's not experiencing a proper social setting! And she'll naturally be getting into a routine when she goes places/to nursery. And they'll be teaching her the eyfs things for that age.

My child did two whole days at nursery (not a school nursery) Monday and Friday, same as yours, from 9 months up to almost age 5 when she started school. I never thought it was detrimental to her and never had any regrets. She definitely made relationships yeah there were some that weren't there both days but there were some that were.
She wasn't good at drop off but she was settled there and enjoyed it.

But maybe it's different if your child isn't settled.

My DD was a quiet and shy toddler. She used to do a couple of days but it wasn't enough. She didn't have chance to get used to the setting and make proper friendships. She was much better once we increased her days. I'm not sure what the solution is OP if the nursery doesn't have space to accommodate her more.

I'd swap provision to somewhere that can do 3 days in a block. Much more settling for her.

For a child it's a long time untill September. At the moment it seems like she's not ready. She will go through a huge developmental change before September. It's 5 months, that's huge at her age. She's not ready now, by sept she will more than likely be ready. I would leave nursery for now and start afresh in September

2 of mine never went to nursery and 2 did (one was with me until 3 and 1 went to a CM). All 4 settled well at school.
One of the ones that went to nursery we pulled out as she never liked it and managed to look after her juggling between our shifts and doing a swap with a friend. She settled well at school.