AIBU to wonder why some unfaithful men change later in life?

I like to think they' ve matured and seen the error of their ways. I know I have. I'm 60 and was unfaithful to several partners in my youth. I wouldn't dream of being unfaithful to my partner now. Its not because I couldn't ; it's because I've made a conscious decsion to be loyal to my partner come what may

I agree. I just dont think we should pretend that infidelity is due to inconvenient timing of 'soulmates' or such bollocking. If you meet someone who rings your bell more than your spouse, you leave THEN progress.

I work in a male industry and have witnessed as some men get older they experience an existential crisis. Drop in mood, quieter, less jokes (banter!) and then all of a sudden turn into good managers, good leaders and probably / hopefully better husbands.

That's the same for both sexes. Isn't it? Humans are messy. Life is weird!

Hmmmm in my case they lie to themselves enough that they believe their wife was/is their everything. Have an ex boyfriend like this. Wife of 35 years died and they claim agony…what they didn’t mention was right before they married he was dating me plus who knows how many others when they were supposed to be devoted to each other. They lie so much they actually believe it.

If people thought about their choices the world would be a better place. But they don’t

I think a lot of people realise that they've been stupid and risked everything they had. It's easy (though not excusable in any sense) to get caught up in the thrill when you're younger, but most people mature.

Or, and I hate to say that I think this is more likely, they've just become more subtle at hiding what they're up to. They can say they love their wives as much as they like, but they could still be seeing other people.

As men age they begin to understand they will need a nursemaid to take care of them, to cook, do their laundry, etc.,etc.. Oh, wait! They have one in the wife that stayed. They did not all of a sudden become less self-centered and more concerned about their partner, what they are doing is ensuring their wife and family will be there for them. It's still all about their needs.

50s and 60s is heart attack, stroke, aneurism, cancer territory. It is this fear that drives their "appreciation" for what they need to do to in order to be cared for in their failing years. Their doctors have informed them what failings to expect in their bodies as they age. They are well aware they are one blood clot away from drooling on themselves. They took advantage of their women then and they will take advantage of their women now. People do not fundamentally change. Once a user. . . . .

I agree. But 'life is messy' is an excuse for those selfish choices, like it couldnt be helped. It absolutely can.

People make selfish choices all the time. Not limited to who the choose to fuck

No its not. I've cheated and been cheated on. Its about making poor, selfish choices. We are way too quick to make excuses for crappy behaviour. This aspect of life is only messy if you choose to be led by something other than your brain.

Not necessarily but if it makes you feel better,then great

Generally speaking, it's cowardice ime.

Because life is messy. It’s really not difficult to understand.

Why didn't he leave the wife and THEN start the new relationship? The standard pattern of life and parenthood getting in the way of romance is only the death knell if one party just gives up instead of facing it, raising it. Giving both parties a chance to participate in the progress or end of the relationship.

also big bellies, hairy nose and ears and letting an unintentional fart out when standing up , what younger mistress wants that

I don’t expect you to apologise, given how angry you clearly are.

I am pointing out that men AND women seek sexual variety. It’s not just men. But the wives tell themselves it’s nothing to do with them and paint themselves at the victim when people can see how things got to that point.

A sort of friend’s husband started an affair with someone who had a lot in common with him, she was intelligent and fun. His wife (my ‘friend’) became vacuous and boring and eventually quite toxic.

He left the wife and married the partner and they have been together decades.

I have no skin in this game at all so I don’t know why you are talking about bursting my bubble.

No-one wants to shag them voluntarily and their current wife/partner is a lined up carer for them.

No not at all.

I do think the reason that you're getting personal about all this, though, is because you're annoyed that I have pointed out here that a notable evolutionary psychologist, namely David Buss, has concluded through his work that 70% of men cheat for sexual variety and that emotional dissatisfaction is waa-ay down the list as to why men cheat.
Actually the men who've been cheating that I know of always end up begging their wives forgiveness, she tells them to f- off and he runs to his mistress who thinks that she's won. Lol.

Men don't automatically cheat cause they're unhappy in some way.
And men who are happy enough with their wives cheat.

Maybe this has burst your bubble in some way.
It's not for me to say.

Most men are lazy fuckers and do what's convenient. Not all. Some I respect.
I'm not apologising for this, either.

I always wonder if people who think this way have themselves never changed their ideas or behaviour as they have become older?

Im not saying the wife is responsible for a man cheating but relationships fizzle out because everyone is busy with life in general

You really hate men, don’t you? And women in fact

They seem to be more interested in getting a little white ball in a hole on the golf course than getting their balls near a woman’s hole even when married!

My older brother was like a dog with 2 dicks when he was younger. Would shag anyone! In his 50’s now and he is more interested in golf, fishing and football.

I often wonder about the women who get with these men who know about their past ways. They must find this attractive on some level to get with them. Right? Obviously.
(If they don't know then of course it's not applicable.)

When these guys renounce their cheating ways and become house trained like good little boys, do they get bored with them as they're not those unstable anymore? Does the assurance of fidelity bore them?

Not as exciting now he's sworn fidelity like a little puppy perhaps?

hmm, I do know at least one woman who has married a cheater, knowing they couldn’t keep it in their pants. Cheating on them before marriage, during their engagement…

i think it wasn’t that they though they were prefect women, more they had some sort of romanticised notion of marriage and though they would marry, settle down, and become happy family men.

or possibly such self esteem issues that they wouldn’t break it off for fear of being alone.

of course they didn’t stop cheating, or not for long. Then it was well have a baby and that’ll change him/give him too much to lose.

eventually he leaves for someone else.

This. They simply don’t get the opportunities anymore.