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Original poster

DH has reneged on post nup he had promised (pre marriage) he would enter into to protect family inheritance

755 replies

mamato3rascals · 14/04/2026 21:56

Before we got married c 8 years ago, I had said to my DH (financè at the time) that I’d want a pre nup to protect a significant family business, and other inherited assets, that would likely be passed down to me. The value of the inheritance will be significant and so with my sensible hat on I am keen to protect that in any way I can.

For a number of reasons that prenup wasn’t entered into before we married, but he discussed with my Dad and gave him his word (and he did likewise with me) that he’d enter into it in future before any interest passed to me as part of the family’s estate planning. This has been looming a while but we are now at the time where this needs sorting. I have tried and tried to speak to my DH but he is always busy (though I am the main breadwinner, by some way…), explains his fear that I’ll take the family house off him (the post nup leaves the entire family home to him exclusively - valued at £900k and minimal mortgage) and leaves me with a small property rental and ensures that any interest in the family’s wealth remains my asset).

He is so apprehensive about entering into it that he called my dad outright a couple of weeks ago and asked him what he was expecting my DH to do. This is something I’m driving because (a) we are in a bad place and have been for a few years and (b) I can’t bury my head any more and need this sorted. My father was cross at the phone call as he was caught off guard, and on reflection why such reluctance now to discuss with Dad - when he left it years ago on the basis he’d sign something.

He won’t discuss it with me, when I go into his office at night to ask whether he will engage with me on it he tells me to get out, he is exhausted and doesn’t have time to talk about it let alone look for a solicitor that will advise him on it (I’ll pay all of those fees) and ends up putting noise cancelling headphones on with music blaring until I go out. If I stay there he says that he will lock his office door so he is left in peace.

I am at my wits end and had always said to myself that I can put up with his treatment at home (the above being an example) but am so concerned that this is the final nail in the coffin of my marriage (3 young DC under 7, one of which is extremely anxious and constantly worried so I don’t know what a separation would do to her).

If I were to bring our divorce papers I am almost certain he would start to engage - but what concerns me is these post nups are only valid for 5 years and need to be kept under review every 5 years. If he won’t engage now then god help me in 5 years’ time again.

Please be kind as I am worried sick but appreciate any advice. I’ve even considered initiating a divorce for purely financial separation whilst continuing to live long term under the same roof - I am willing to give the marriage everything I have got but the financial worry I am carrying is killing me. I think he expects that he will fail to engage and it will all go away because I’ll get bored of chasing him but fundamentally this is such a U turn from what he promised me before we got married that I am not sure I could ever get over it.

OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 15/04/2026 08:40

Surely your dad just rewrites his will leaving everything to his grandchildren not you?

Ocelotfeet27 · 15/04/2026 08:36

Oh no OP this got worse and worse as I read on. Go now, the more it drags on the worse the example you are setting for your kids accepting (or at least being seen yo accept) his shitty behaviour. The kids will find it hard ay first but honestly for such a short time. They will see a happier less stressed mummy and will respond positively to that energy? If he starts with mummy wants us to split up etc then I'd just say - sometimes grown ups can't agree. Mummy doesn't want pur family to be broken up but mummy wants us all to be happier, and so this is what is happening. And reassure them about everyone loving them etc. He's a worm. Minimise his impact on your life. Good luck!

Rosesarere · 15/04/2026 08:36

I don’t blame him really. If this were the other way round and you were posting as a man you would be torn to shreds. I’m not sure where you stand legally if it’s even possible to write your husband out of any future inheritance? Why didn’t you make it a priority to sort before you married?

DrySherry · 15/04/2026 08:35

AngryHerring · 15/04/2026 08:27

Did you read all of OPs posts? It's not a marriage in anything but a piece of paper.

Don't show your kids that this is what marriage is. Move out. Get divorced.

FWIW to the "if OP were a man" PPs: if ALWAYS advise the more asset rich partner not to marry.

Show quote history

I did read all the ops posts but not the full thread of answers. My reading of it is that the op hasn't fully committed to the marriage, and her husband is struggling with this reality which has many knock on effects for his attitude too. So she has two choices. Fully commit and accept that she doesnt have a controlling financial interest (a good chance that this will improve the marriagefor both of them). Or divorce now. They have 3 children and a home so my opinion, as the marriage is not abusive, is to double down and make it work.

Anislandnevercries · 15/04/2026 08:34

I am in a similar position to you OP in terms of having family assets to inherit one day, but honestly that issue is irrelevant here, in your circumstances.

Your marriage sounds like absolute hell for you and will seriously damage your children if they continue to be exposed to the current dynamic. Start divorce proceedings, split the current assets fairly, establish a stable happy home and parenting arrangement for your kids. All of those things are possible, albeit hard work and seemingly far off right now. But at least they are achievable. Trying to agree on legal documents or worrying about future asset arrangements, on the other hand, is pointless based on the current lack of trust, respect and love between you and your ‘D’H.

PinkTonic · 15/04/2026 08:33

AngelinaFibres · 15/04/2026 08:22

This. You have been married long enough to produce 3 children so the marriage laws of the UK apply fully. 50/50 split.

Show quote history

Yes, exactly. If she divorces him now he’ll get his share of the current assets, so half the house instead of all of it.

Givemeausernamepls · 15/04/2026 08:31

Two separate issues. Protecting your inheritance (other than not getting married) I have no idea on this one.

Big issue is you are in an awful relationship. It’s like you are living with an unruly teenager who won’t clean up after themselves / take on any responsibility. I have a saying short term
shit, long term gain. I don’t know how old your DD is, but you are going to have to tell her in an age appropriate way, that you are not breaking your family up, you are removing the drain… you and your kids can be a family, they may even get a better version of him that does actually spend time with them

PantaloonMad · 15/04/2026 08:31

Why did you enter into a marriage you were already thinking of ending in divorce? But still not do a pre nup? Pre nups don’t always hold up in the UK anyway

Owly11 · 15/04/2026 08:30

You sound contemptuous of your husband and it sounds like you have never been fully committed to the relationship, trying to keep yourself protected and not reliant on him in any way. I don't think the relationship can be saved unless you can find a really good marriage counsellor.

AngryHerring · 15/04/2026 08:27

DrySherry · 15/04/2026 08:19

You are married to him with 3 children. What's yours is his and vice versa. Stop this self preserving attitude, get on with your marriage and forget about trying to siphon off funds. Your marriage will thank you.

Did you read all of OPs posts? It's not a marriage in anything but a piece of paper.

Don't show your kids that this is what marriage is. Move out. Get divorced.

FWIW to the "if OP were a man" PPs: if ALWAYS advise the more asset rich partner not to marry.

AngelinaFibres · 15/04/2026 08:26

TroysMammy · 15/04/2026 08:05

I remember when I got divorced that the Solicitor said there was something to sign that my ex husband wouldn't have a future claim on a house sale, pension, inheritance or lottery win.

That's a financial order. It means neither you nor your exhusband can pursue each other in the future if there is extra wealth that has come along after the divorce. Might be a good idea for Op to get a divorce before she inherits. Legal advice from an actual solicitor is crucial

Seelybe · 15/04/2026 08:26

Swiftie1878 · 14/04/2026 22:04

Before everyone piles in, just to say, if you were a man you’d be torn to shreds on here.

You are married. What’s yours is his. What’s his is yours. You have no prenup or postnup. Why would he sign now with your relationship on the rocks, especially with three young children in the mix - he’ll need finances to be able to see them and accommodate them, just like you.

Do what’s right for your whole family and not just you.

@mamato3rascals I completely disagree with @Swiftie1878. This was a predictable huge inequality between you before marriage which tbh you should have resolved then.
As you didn't, if your family can't use a trust to protect your inheritance I think you have to divorce now. Whether or not you still live together is another matter. There can then be a financial order on current assets which resolves the issue once and for all.

AngelinaFibres · 15/04/2026 08:22

Swiftie1878 · 14/04/2026 22:04

Before everyone piles in, just to say, if you were a man you’d be torn to shreds on here.

You are married. What’s yours is his. What’s his is yours. You have no prenup or postnup. Why would he sign now with your relationship on the rocks, especially with three young children in the mix - he’ll need finances to be able to see them and accommodate them, just like you.

Do what’s right for your whole family and not just you.

This. You have been married long enough to produce 3 children so the marriage laws of the UK apply fully. 50/50 split.

DrySherry · 15/04/2026 08:19

You are married to him with 3 children. What's yours is his and vice versa. Stop this self preserving attitude, get on with your marriage and forget about trying to siphon off funds. Your marriage will thank you.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 15/04/2026 08:16

I agree that you need to divorce asap.

Does your daughter have a therapist? If not then I’d look into that as a priority so she can have a safe space to explore her feelings with someone neutral. She may well find it hard and got awful messages from your H but I think it’s likely that some of her anxiety is due to the atmosphere at home.

Vconcerned1 · 15/04/2026 08:14

LaylaN · 14/04/2026 22:12

Grim, it’s the kids I feel sorry for. Money ahead of them.

This. Since when did money and wealth come ahead of love. You can't take it with you.

nutbrownhare15 · 15/04/2026 08:14

You need to get divorced. All trust is gone. Better sooner rather than later.

Shouldbedoing · 15/04/2026 08:11

You need to divorce before he does more emotional harm to your children. He is teaching them that they and you don't matter.
You will all, very soon, be much happier.

TheHillIsMine · 15/04/2026 08:11

Your child is anxious because of the state of the atmosphere in the family home. Leaving would make her infinitely better I'm sure.

Obviously you shouldn't have married him without doing this. A man who won't do it means his word is worthless. He's played you.

MJagain · 15/04/2026 08:08

FriedFalafels · 15/04/2026 07:38

You don’t need a prenup, you need a divorce

Sounds like he’s pretty disinterested in being a parent, so you’ll probably have the kids a lot more. Split your current assets equally, even if it means a house sale - as you’ve said, it’s bricks and mortar. Your future assets are not yours currently

Then have an honest conversation with your child that you and her dad don’t love each other anymore. When she’s old enough, you can have a conversation of expectations of needing an equal partner in life who will share the load and that dad couldn’t offer this to you. This will teach her to have higher expectations in her own relationships as an adult

Agree with this.

socks1107 · 15/04/2026 08:06

You really should have had this signed before marriage as when you inherit it becomes a marita
asset.
The way round we’d all be on here telling you not to sign and that half of that’s yours. I’d suggest some legal advice but ultimately you can’t force him to sign and as your husband he does have rights if the inheritance comes before divorce

BarbiesDreamHome · 15/04/2026 08:06

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/04/2026 07:57

If you were a man, you would be ripped apart on here.

Incidentally is there a word for a female cocklodger? Someone who contributes nothing but lives off her husband’s money? I have always wondered why it seems to be an exclusively male thing

Its golddigger. Its also entirely irrelevant to this post as the intention was set out prior to marriage that the family assets that were in place long before the relationship, were protected. It's hardly like she married him, shot to CEO while he sacrificed his career to look after the kids and is now seeking to lock him out.

Is there a word for a man who enters into a marriage saying he wants nothing and then refuses ti formalise that legally because hes hoping to get his hands on the PILs assets?

MJagain · 15/04/2026 08:06

mamato3rascals · 14/04/2026 22:20

As ridiculous as this sounds, one of the things I have been considering is divorcing (to cut the financial chord and because we are in dire straits) but to keep living together? I am just thinking of the kids who would be crushed

He’d be an idiot to agreed to that.

it sounds like he doesn’t even like you. Noise cancelling headphones in his office - what is he actually doing?
You daughters mental health issues may improve when the household is less high pressure & stressed.

TroysMammy · 15/04/2026 08:05

I remember when I got divorced that the Solicitor said there was something to sign that my ex husband wouldn't have a future claim on a house sale, pension, inheritance or lottery win.

TeamGeriatric · 15/04/2026 08:04

It seems like the boat has sailed on this pre/post-nup, it needed signing before you ever got married. Having never been in this situation, just based on the info you've shared, I don't think I would be inclined to sign in his situation, given rocky marriage and likelihood of impending divorce. Not condoning in anyway his refusal to discuss the situation, but presumably this behaviour/personality trait was at least partially responsible for him not signing before the wedding? I fear you are heading for divorce whatever happens in the short term, it seems like a deal breaker for you.

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