DH has reneged on post nup he had promised (pre marriage) he would enter into to protect family inheritance

Kindly @mamato3rascals Your new rental starts on 1st October. That's just two weeks. Listen to your Mum!!!

You have soooo much to plan and organise and pack, cameras to disconnect, removals to plan, you will overwhelm and stress yourself out. That's why you don't need this big overbearing guilt tripping accusatory talk. He only wants that because he's cross that you are standing up to him. Try to keep things calm, for your own safety and sanity.

Kick all those cans down the road. The old bedrooms, the damp wall, how his arrangements will work, the courtesy talk, the school uniforms EVERYTHING. and put them in a file marked LATER. Put the Pre Nup in the bin.

Only think about your new home/ new life and what is needed for that. Settle in, you have exams I think someone said? Carve out some time to clear your head and deal with that. If you think this will disrupt them, find out of there is some leeway for this. Or do you mean your DC's exams.
I can tell you right now. They will be much less distracted without all of his shenanigans going on.
The kids have been so good because they knew you needed their support. They have your back. When you have your new place, you can take them out somewhere fun Step by Step. You can't do everything at once. Pace yourself.

You already know he won't put much effort into parenting.. maybe a performative bit at first to show the world how hard done by he is.. so hopefully you will have the kids as much as you like. So don't spend your time worrying about how he will organise it.
Start doing things just for yourself and for DC..

And whatever your do.. Don't let him ever step foot in your new home. Particularly if he says he wants to see the children. Remember that's why he's in your home now. The home you have to leave. Drop them off... and only communicate by text and about the DC. Best of luck

I think you need to spend your time, energy and money on the priorities - getting the new house set up properly, disentangling yourself and keeping yourself safe.

The kids can have lots of fun new things in their new home. That also counts. You know he won't take care of anything properly in his home and he will find something else to judge you for anyway so you can't save yourself from that.

Buying very cheap replacements for stuff you take is a great idea.

Let DH do it. Drop the rope with a loud thud. He can let them down—your effort needs to be in making their new rooms nice. Maybe they can choose their own wardrobes and desks? New curtains and light fixtures (things that are easy to remove from a rental)?

No. Don't decorate them. He will likely use this against you but also just you need to drop the rope completely. You need to get used tp the fact you cannot control him or the environment he provides for the kids.
I remember worrying terribly about the kids when I was divorcing and the fact Id left the marital home. My therapist put me straight. She said the kids will view home as where they feel comfortable emotionally not where they see nice stuff on the walls. So it is you, you create the home with words, actions and the love you give. So don't worry about anything else

Been there, done that and this ^^ is good advice.

You've been conditioned over many years to be the thinker, the planner, to cater to and compensate for his uselessness and the chaos he deliberately creates around him.

I have good news for you - that's not your job anymore! Get yourself and your children sorted in your lovely new home, and enjoy the peace and freedom. Work on the basis they'll be with you most or all of the time, so he can't continue to punish you by disrupting your plans. He can sort himself out if he wants to.

May have missed it, when you move, are you taking the children with you and their belongings/furniture?

Please do not stress yourself further when trying to work his custody arrangements. There are options but he may need to throw money at the situation - Nanny share, childminder or after-school babysitters can be arranged.

Perhaps he needs to adjust his working hours. Longer one week, shorter the next and you have mentioned he has annual leave left.

Concentrate on your new life. And congratulations on your new place.

Yes. I would love OP to be an inscrutable civil
grey rock.

Fantastic to hear your update. Look up the grey rock technique and employ it mercilessly. Do not get dragged into any more discussions. Wishing you much happiness with your freedom.

You can tell him a specific window that you will be available for the chat. You don’t have to just sit around waiting for him all evening.

Op, it’s only a few days, don’t talk ‘out of courtesy’. Say ‘we can talk, but let’s do it after my exam, as I have too much to study before then and can’t really think about other things’ that way you can be gone and talk from a position of safety.

Yes

Yes I’d wait a few moments after disconnecting and until it has internet again it won’t work.

It’s the downside to these wifi systems. If the wifi goes your home security goes.

Will switching off the WiFi router disable the ring camera temporarily?

dear @mamato3rascals

Congratulations! on putting down your deposit on your new home!

But Why not just send him the divorce papers and have the "out of courtesy" chat with him when you are SAFELY in your new home?

How much courtesy has he showed to you. Wanting to browbeat you when you are working or after 10 pm at night. He's sounding angry and wound up. This is not a safe time. This is the man who broke your lap top in anger to stop you working.

Please please stop giving him any opportunity to gain information from you on your intentions. Fob him off.. Go out. Have a relative over.. anything. Can you work from your parent's house for a few days..or a friends?

Tell him you are considering dropping the post nup but you'd like to have the chat when the atmosphere has calmed down. You think both of you would benefit from some quiet time. How about October 2nd.. anything you can come up with to stall.

I think if you start telling him things are going to be this way and that way ... that he might get very angry and get violent again. Why poke the bear now, with the DC in the house, when you can poke the bear from a place of safety.

Best of luck OP x

That’s good to hear. I’m not sure why your story has got so under my skin, and I am willing you to leave this irritating lump of a man. Sorry to speak about him that way!

It’s wonderful to read your latest posts @mamato3rascals You radiate determination and energy.

More strength to you!

To echo everyone else, good luck OP! Hope the move goes well. I'd love to see his face when he replies he's lost everything!

My personal experience of the law around divorce/inheritance was that if the funds were in a separate account in the sole name of the recipient, they were outside the scope of the joint finances, but if they were in a joint account or used for joint purchases (paying down the mortgage eg) then it became marital assets. I'm not aware this has changed, but it might have done. If this still holds you should be able to protect any inheritance in the unfortunate event it does come through before the divorce. Good luck.

When you first posted, I had the strongest feeling he married you for your money/future inheritance.
His behaviour is so bad - eg doing little with the DC, and yet using them against you and telling them you're destroying the family What family? You live virtually separate lives.
Divorce him, move to your lovely new place with as little drama as possible.
At this stage, I don't think you even need to have this chat with him - what more is there to say? You're divorcing him whether he likes it or not.
Good luck with everything - and please take care, as others have said, this is a dangerous time for a woman - leaving a man who doesn't want to be left - even if he's never shown any signs of violence before.

Nothing to add on the practical side that hasn’t already been said, but I did want to say Op you’re being incredibly strong and I hope you keep resolute. This is the sharp end - you’ve made up your mind and are going through a sequence to get that done, but the workings take time and are bound to be fraught. I hope as well as work and all you do for your kids, you can find some time for your own peace.

Another agreement that you need to divorce before you inherit the assets. He's probably just waiting it out before divorcing you. My ex tried this - we were in a hugely toxic marriage but he didn't want to let me go because he thought of my potential inherited wealth as his. I divorced him and inherited some years later. I've since married a lovely man who has minimal interest in my money.