DH has reneged on post nup he had promised (pre marriage) he would enter into to protect family inheritance

OP, he has no intention of signing any paperwork, why would he? He is playing the long game and waiting on your actual inheritance landing. If he tells your DD that Mummy is splitting the family up, you can calmly follow up with 'unfortunately this does happen but what happens is Mummy and Daddy will always love you all, we'll just be living separately'. Don't let him guilt trip you into staying! Your DD will benefit far better from two happier homes and it doesn't sound like finances will be a problem for you.

This.
Having read the scrambled eggs post.. I think he sounds utterly unbearable to live with and the things he is saying to your poor DD are damaging and no doubt leading to her anxiety.

Your DH has been playing the long game, hoping for a jack pot and lying to you all for years.

You are drowning in work and housework and dealing with him.

It seems to me that your Dad who is pressurising you to sort it all out has the resources to help you out. ie helping you with cleaners and perhaps occasional nanny? Its more help than you are getting now and you'd have less stress if you are not dealing with someone with your DH's behavioural issues.
You could have a calmer, happier life

You can afford to be generous in a divorce if it would make co parenting amicable and make your Dad see that this is possibly the easier and cheaper route in the long run, but given your description of his horrible behaviour and the things he says to your DD (get proper advice on this) it doesn't sound as if he could cope with 50 50. Without this major stress in your life you could reassure your DD and make things more calm and organised.

Who cares if DH is sentimental. That's his problem. His behaviour doesn't reflect the rosey past. I think he's sentimental about his long awaited payday.

A solicitor/financial advisor would help you. You don't need to wait for DH to see solicitor. He won't move forward because what he is doing is workign very well for him. Stop talking to him about it. He's not on your side. You decide what works for you and then tell him what is happening.

Present him with your considered documents as advised by professionals and watch how quickly he will contact a solicitor.

Have I read this correctly. You're marriage is not in a good place, on the brink of divorce, but you expect DH to sign a post nup to reduce his entitlement to assets from your end? Why would anybody agree to that?

No. Maybe he just doesn’t know how to cook anything else and can’t be bothered to learn. Anyone can put headphones on and refuse to talk, like pretty much every teenager for the last 60+ years. Refusing to communicate doesn’t equal autism.

But, because there is no agreement yet, and the inheritance is just a promise, if they divorce now she can claim 50% of that house, or whatever equity there is in it.

I would bet a very great deal that your daughter's anxiety will improve if you divorce and she's not living in a house full of tension. I think a lot of your lives would improve with divorce to be honest.

I think this is a sensible answer.

No one on this thread can solve your dilemma, you do need legal and financial advice.

You've said you are thinking of divorce and still living together... because otherwise the kids would be crushed, why do you think that you both could not set up a reasonable and kind co - parenting arrangement.. so that they are not crushed. He might resent missing out on the jack pot.. but I'm assuming you'd have enough to provide for the DC. You've dismissed this but surely its worth considering after taking advice. It sounds like you have the resources to make it happen. What does your Dad think?

It stands out to me that he's been playing a long game or he would have agreed to a pre nup, but if I'd been your Dad (who seems very concerned about this and is probably putting pressure on you) I would have taken on the role of asking him to sign before the wedding so you didn't have to.

A 900k house is quite a fair settlement and would allow him to keep seeing the DC.

But no one on this thread can solve your dilemma, you do need legal and financial advice. As a non expert casual observer, I'd say that it stands out to me given your current feelings and assuming his ongoing lies about co operating on this head, that you need to divorce before you inherit to separate financially, but how he would react to that, only you can predict.

Why stay with someone you distrust... when you are already having what sounds like major problems.

Your anxiety is coming across loud and clear and if you settled this issue it would probably be much better for your DD who is probably picking up on it. I think you might need some therapy to help you deal with the stress that has been building up long term and to get some strategies for helping your DD. Again, as a non expert casual observer my advice would be to sort it out and move on without all this stress.

He definitely sounds autistic though imo. Eating scrambled eggs for dinner every single night for one thing. But also the refusal to talk and putting the headphones on.
anyway I was only going to mention I think he sounds neurodiverse as you mention your DD is anxious. Anxiety is really common with neurodiversity and is often missed in girls. I just wanted to raise it in case your DD shows any other signs.

or if like has impacted farmers the goalposts on tax are changed.

They have, family firms are no longer exempt from IHT.

To an outsider this relationship sounds dead in the water frankly. I cannot imagine your DCs are happy growing up in this atmosphere.

Agree with all the PPs, get a good divorce lawyer and take it from there. You obviously feel divorce is inevitable or why else would you be so keen to protect this inheritance?

How on earth do you get undiagnosed autistic man who has had a breakdown from that? Not just selfish man or arsehole or controlling man who hates being a parent?

@mamato3rascals Get divorced now. You don’t have a marriage worth saving. You don’t have a relationship with him. The children will be okay.

You’re both on the brink of divorce and you think he will sign a document that negatively affects his outcome?! Am I reading this correctly?!

The £900k house may need to be written off - OP needs to take some personal responsibility here for not sorting this out from the outset, that was always going to have legal consequences. Hence why any move would be stemming future impact as opposed to the existing impact that has already been caused.

Look from a purely unemotional perspective you need to divorce him to cut off the issue before any inheritance etc occurs. It’s a dreadful, miserable relationship in any case. Nothing about your life sounds desirable.

Divorce divorce divorce! One thing if he was a good husband and dad but he is a waste of man! Honestly you and the children will be better off.

No.

You tell your daughter that yes you want to leave him and break up the family because it is not a good daily relationship and that no woman has to put up with living with someone who doesn't like them or spend any time with them. And that she will still be able to see her mummy and her daddy and that both of you love her, you just don't love each other anymore.

And then you wait for her to grow up and for him to let her down as well and comfort her through that experience and have shown by example that this is not something that she has to take responsibility for.

What were the "number of reasons" the pre nup wasn't done?
If your DH didn't want it pre nup,im not surprised he wont do it post nup tbh.

Good grief. Get a good family lawyer ASAP. You are in a very weak position financially and trust me, he will also go for 50/50 custody, and you may have to pay him spousal and child maintenance.

Forget the post nup. Is never going to happen. Quietly work out how you get yourself in a much better position both with the kids and finances.

Have you managed to discuss this scenario with your DH as well? Or is he stonewalling on everything? The arrangement would need to work for him too, or at the very least he would need also to get wholeheartedly behind the idea that it's best for the children. And that's if it is best for the children. If they are living in a festering pit of resentment that wouldn't work for them either.
This sounds like quite a mess. Have you tried couples counselling?

Is there some kind of cultural thing at play here OP ? Because it does sound rather like an arranged marriage where he is playing the long game of grabbing assets without wanting any personal or family involvement - if there isn’t I can’t understand why you haven’t gone straight to divorce as it doesn’t sound like you remotely like each other

‘The other issue here is the £900K house is fact, they have that, that's what she and DH has.
The inheritance is smoke and mirrors, there is no way of knowing if the family business will survive say an economic downturn, or if her dad will live a long time and need significant care, or if like has impacted farmers the goalposts on tax are changed.’

this. At the moment you have just what you own together to count, house, pensions, savings. What either of you may or may not have in a few years time is neither here nor there.

Stop being controlled by him.
Let him say what he wants, but keep careful notes as that is coercive control an parental alienation.

Focus on what you can control, your future free of him.

The marriage is over.
Start proceedings.

Ask your family for support.

Divorce him now - this has little to do with inheritance and everything to do with the fact your relationship is over.
Divorce now before you inherit the family business. Get good advice from a good lawyer and split marital assets fairly. He will need to be able to house the children well, presumably he’ll want 50/50
split.

This is truly horrendous reading. To me he sounds like an undiagnosed autistic man who has has a breakdown. I dont think this will get any better and yes you should finish the marriage for your mental health and that if the children's. You have the means to leave and be a single parent at peace. Get legal advice and start the ball rolling. Stop going into his office and trying to talk to him he cannot cope with it. He is totally overwhelmed. Separate fairly try and keep the kids so they have more time with you and he can't cope with parenting them.

Also, it’s not the pre/post nups are only valid for 5 years. But it recommended that they are amended or confirmed every 5 years (or on the birth of a child)

DH and I have been married 9 years this year and have had 2 children since our pre nup, but we’ve never altered ours as we agreed on all details including children prior to the wedding (maintenance, school fees, etc)