DH has reneged on post nup he had promised (pre marriage) he would enter into to protect family inheritance

I’d start divorce on this post alone, regardless of inheritance this is not a good relationship, he is not being a good father/husband and it is not setting a good example of what a healthy share of workload and relationship looks like.

As a bonus, you also sort your financial issues.

That's useful. Not!
And probably inaccurate. If OP does all the childcare and has majority care of the children, then it may well not be a 50:50 split if they divorce.

I mean you need serious legal advice here, but my take on it would be-

if you are not happy in the marriage regardless of finances then why don't you just divorce anyway?

If it were such a big deal to you and your family before you married your DH then this should have been sorted out a long time ago. Totally understand he said he would sign it and it is wrong of him to go back on his word, but people do shitty things.

Of course he isn't going to sign anything now if the marriage is like you say it is. He is protecting himself and what he can provide for your children.

I think you are naive to believe you can divorce him and continue the relationship/living together. If I were your DH then I wouldn't accept that as a solution.

@mamato3rascals Please listen to the wise women on here. You are already divorced emotionally. He's just hanging around because it's convenient for him and because he's waiting to hit the jackpot when you inherit. Please call a sollicitor and a therapist (you will need one because it could get ugly and he will try to emotionally blackmail and gaslighting you). Don't say anything until you have got everything planned out. You are in a good position financially so you don't have that stress to deal with- many women don't.

At the moment you are in a better position. You would be better to divorce your husband now, because there's no inheritance for him to try and claim.

There's zero chance of your husband signing a pre-nup, that ship has well and truly sailed. My guess is that he's quietly waiting until you do inherit and he will suddenly decide he wants a divorce. You will then be absolutely stuffed and he will turn into someone who is competent, shrewd and nasty. Of course he doesn't want you divorcing him now, so he's using your children and emotional blackmail to make sure you don't!!

He's actually sly and manipulative, and definitely someone is knows what he's doing. He wants your money, and is happy to plod on as you are, to achieve it.

Your update makes it pretty clear that you are not happy in this marriage and would be better off emotionally as well as financially if you divorce him. Get the divorce sorted out before the inheritance and then it won't be an issue. It's not mercenary to put your kids' financial future ahead of your emotionally abusive husband.

It doesn’t sound like a happy marriage to me, so I reckon you should divorce him. Then he only gets half of the house, more fool him. He’s done this deliberately to trap you. You do realise that, don’t you? I’m so sorry for your situation, but I think divorce and a clean break would be best for you.

This situation is bizarre - if you want to divorce your husband, you should divorce him.

If you want to be together then accept you’re married and 50% of your assets belong to him.

If he won £20m in the lottery tomorrow, would you accept that it was only his money?

Tell him you won't be getting any inheritance. Not a penny. Everything will be split and put in trusts for your children with the solicitors company as trustees and no access until they are 25.

And you have decided to be a SAHM.

Watch how fast he runs out of the door.

This with bells on. I think you’ll find your DD improves when you split properly. Does she find it easier when he’s away?

i think you know you have to divorce now OP. Offer to split assets 50/50 based on what you both own currently and then you can agree on 60/40 or 70/30 if you really have to. I really think you’ll regret not getting the ball rolling if you leave it. I would suggest selling the family home rather than trying to keep it so that neither of you have it. In situations I’ve seen the kids actually do better when there’s a physical move to underline the change in situation.

You say you are not happy so why are you even staying! Yours kids will,pick up on how unhappy you are

i would go and see a divorce lawyer and see what the options are , get divorced them sort the inheritance out

This.

Children, ime, know everything worth knowing about their parents and their relationship, but some hide it better than others.

You haven't got a marriage and you are mistaken if you think that your children don't already know that.

You need to divorce this man before your father dies, preferably tomorrow.

Your daughters anxiety is probably him

I think you either divorce now, or wait until he divorces you when you're worth more.

It doesn't sound as if there's anything worth saving.

This frankly is a ridiculous idea. It is very clear your marriage is over. Also clear your husband is trying to wear you out with the intention of gaining as much as he can from the assets you've currently built up and the potential large inheritance.

If you won't divorce for your own sake, do it for your children. Who should not have to live in this toxic environment.

Do not waste time in trying to talk or discuss. Do not offer anything. Just get to the best divorce lawyer and sort out the mess that you and the children are in.

I agree, and that is what he wants you to think. Meanwhile HE is the one who is crushing and damaging them!

Give him the house because he loves it so much. Give him another £100k or the lowest amount you can afford. Watch him sell the house within a year.

This man doesn’t love you. He loves your money.

Get rid of him now. You'll feel so much better.

But how can he renege when you didn't have a pre-nup, just some conversations about one? We have conversations about lots of things but they don't mean anything in law til you sign on the dotted line surely?

The one thing that is stopping you from divorcing is the effect it may have on your daughter. It really needn’t be any more difficult for her than it is already living in a home with no love between her parents.

OP, it simply won’t work with you both divorced, and still living in the same house. He will try to alienate you from your DC anyway, as that, it seems, is the proven pattern already.

So you need to look into buying him out of the house as soon as possible if you think he will never agree to sell.
If he sees you mean business and if he has a clear cut financial reward hanging in front of him, he may well decide to grab it.
I think that’s your best bet.

Find yourself an excellent divorce lawyer, lean on your dad and start to reassure your daughter that daddy and you will always love her and make only the very best decisions for her which is why she will have two houses to live in each with her own lovely bedroom.

As the divorce gets underway, and if necessary, go as far as looking at suitable houses in the same school catchment area. Make it an attractive a deal as possible for him. He is lazy so it might be worth going the extra mile.

Your marriage is not serving you well in any way. And that is detrimental to yiur children. The stress and anxiety over the pre-nup will be removed once you find yourself the best divorce lawyer you can afford.
Your daughter will fare much better than you think if you use the right words to explain and reassure, no matter what he says to her as a weapon to hurt you.
Good luck OP.
The sooner you bite the bullet, the sooner it will be done and dusted.

I think there is a number of things here. Firstly when raising this I would suggest writing out the high level components of the agreement in writing and then leaving it with him to read.

I would look in to whether there is a trust option that includes you and the children. It may be that you would not draw on the trust until much later anyway so it may provide protection in the short term.

You may find that the trust plus post-nup may be the best way.

It sounds like divorce is likely regardless given how you describe the dynamic. I would advise against suggesting divorce and negotiating a nost-nup. But also divorce and living together is likely to not help you. The government are planning cohabitation reform that would probably strip your rights anyway. I have a friend where she works and owns the house while her dead weight of a partner will probably get excessive leverage over her when that comes in.

Living with parents who are unhappy, dislike each other, don’t trust each other and don’t have a warm loving relationship their kids can aspire to replicate is more damaging than having divorced parents.

Your kids won't be "crushed" if you divorce. They may not like it initially but they will get over it.

Had a friend in the same position. Love does make us blind to what men do. Over time things get worse, the men do less and less and you can be so busy getting stuff done that you do not notice how little support you are getting.

The cautionary tale is that (sadly), he is now likely to take you for every penny he can and to argue that he is the main carer. In my friends case, having done the cooking, cleaning and carried all the mental load she was left paying spousal maintenance for five years so her Ex-H could adjust. He also kept the house with the kids.

Visit the lawyer now and prepare for the worse. As the inheritance has not arrived yet, I think it can be excluded from consideration and legal advice should allow you to put the inheritance in a trust.

This 100 per cent.

You've spent years discussing this with him whilst he fobbed you off with "I don't have time to find a solicitor etc. "
It does sound as if he will now throw any spanners in the works that he can find, so don't give him the information to do that.

He wants his pay day.. He is only working in his own interests... not yours and probably not the DC's interests either given how he upsets and manipulates your poor DD and ramps up the anxiety.

So stop discussing it with him..it won't change his behaviour or his view of his interests
Get your professional advice.
Get your ducks in a row
Make your Decisions.
and then tell him your decision when you are able to act on it.