AIBU - my DH of 10 years (no DCs) has a fairly expensive Pokémon hobby and he collects lots of items related to this. He earns a mediocre wage, and has been paying off a decent sized debt for the past year, which is now nearly cleared. We have talked about a holiday in May to celebrate this. Our finances are completely separate and while I have historically out earned him, I am currently unemployed and living off savings.
He made a pre-order last night, which he frequently does, and are usually in the ballpark of £100. I don’t love this use of money, but have come to accept as long as bills, mortgage and other expenses are paid, his money is his to spend as he wishes.
This morning I opened the shared laptop and the last page left open showed the most recent purchase was £250. On his return from work, I asked what was the order last night, and he lied to me and said it was just the usual £100. I clarified, and he said again it was just the usual.
Later in the evening I confronted him, explained I had seen the purchase accidentally, and that I am extremely upset he lied to me. He doesn’t seem very remorseful at all, and is more focussed on my toxic ‘setting up a question trap’.
To me this is a huge breach of trust, irrelevant to how I feel about the choice of his spending, he lied directly to me when asked. I’m worried I can’t trust him and do feel he has probably lied about money in the past.
AIBU? And what would you do?
Y - It’s not that big a deal
N - It’s a huge betrayal