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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to keep working when the children may need me more?

209 replies

Nurseposter123 · 14/04/2026 18:27

I have 2 DS and the oldest is about to start school.

We are very lucky in that husband earns a lot of money (a LOT) I earn £35,000 a year but have never wanted to be a SAHM and want to keep my career going in case of anything bad happening and to retain some level of independence. I feel strongly about this as a woman.

My children are not thriving with this. They are in nursery Monday to Thursday 8-5:30. My husband works longggggg hours so I am doing all drops and pick ups and bedtime, chores. We could easily afford for me to not work (infact with two in nursery we're paying for me to work currently as not entitled to any childcare quite rightly)

My youngest in particular is sensitive and suspected ASD of some kind and I am starting to feel my career is selfish and not benefitting anyone. The crying at drop offs etc. What would you do?

YABU - Dont quit, other options
YANBU - Quit and put your kids first.

OP posts:
Favouritefruits · 14/04/2026 18:37

It’s a really hard one, you shouldn’t have to give up something you enjoy and like doing but I really do agree with the saying ‘firmly rooted we will flourish’ i also believe a good calm steady life as a child sets them up to achieve and success. Lots of parents manage both but I certainly didn’t so I gave up work. I’d tend to agree with people proposing part time but it’s too hard to get a part time school time job so there’s no point!

I think in these situations nobody really knows better than you as a parent what is best for you ALL!

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/04/2026 18:35

Can you reduce your hours at all?

I do understand how upsetting and concerning this feels and how draining it can be but whatever you do, don’t leave yourself in a position of complete dependency on someone else’s income. Or could you take a sabbatical? There must be a compromise.

Over the long term, the value of having you engaged, happy and independent will offset the fact that its a struggle now. Your children are young. They won’t need you to be at home forever. Giving up your job completely would be a short term win but with significant long term consequences.

SparklyGreenTiger · 14/04/2026 18:34

I wouldn’t quit if you enjoy it and it’s important to you. You are a whole person alongside being a mother. Can you adjust your hours or anything to give your youngest in particular some more one-to-one time and a bit less nursery time?

Octavia64 · 14/04/2026 18:34

Part time?

Nowvoyager99 · 14/04/2026 18:33

Isn’t there some middle ground here, like looking for a term time only or other PT role?

Whyarepeople · 14/04/2026 18:31

So you work fairly normal hours and your husband works long hours but it's you that has to quit? Why? Surely it makes more sense for him to lower his hours?

worldshottestmom · 14/04/2026 18:30

Is it possible that you could go part-time, or get a similar job working less hours? Your career is of crucial importance, as is your independence. But it sounds like your children need you, and they are very long hours to be at nursery at that age. I would not give up working all together, but perhaps reduce hours / find a job with less hours, for the time being. You could always pick it up again once theyre older and more independent.

Hermanfromguesswho · 14/04/2026 18:30

What about a nanny so the
children can be at home more and you can still work?

DallazMajor · 14/04/2026 18:29

Put your kids first.