AIBU to keep working when the children may need me more?

Do not give it up.

The reasons you cite haven’t changed. It’s your vocation. Plus, yes, what would you do if your DH was ill, went off with stress, started behaving like an arse, or left you (or you wanted to leave him). Hopefully none of this will happen but you do need an answer.

Plus it’s not just financial, having one partner completely dependent on the other means that the whole balance of the relationship changes.

Plus with nursing as you say you need to keep your hand in. What will you do once the kids are at secondary and probably don’t say more than 2 words a day to you? Then for the rest of your life once they leave home?

I know plenty of men in my field (6 figures) who do at least one drop off and pick up a week- so I agree with those that say your DH should at least try this. It’s not just about money, it’s about setting an example for your kids.

Orherwise I agree if you can reduce your hours that sounds like a good idea. Or have you considered a nanny?

The father in this case earns a higher wage which benefits his wife and his family. If the OP, the wife, was the higher earner I would be saying the father should give up work and prioritise the children.

Don't twist what I'm saying to suit your agenda.

you only address this to the mum. Odd, that.

Your children have two parents. But if your DH is such a massive earner you can mitigate things by getting a nanny and a cleaner/housekeeper.

It is not on only you to put your DC first, and you are doing the right thing in keeping in work, keeping your pension contributions up etc etc.

If you DO decide to drop your hours or leave the workforce: He must pay your pension contributions (nice big ones) and you must have your own reasonable amount of discretionary spending. Also a cleaner if you want and/or a nanny. And you get to have weekends off sometimes when he takes care of his own children to give you time off from that.

I would try a nanny/cleaner/housekeeper first, then if that doesn't work consider other options.

It's so hard to get back into a profession after you've been out for a while, plus it may reduce future career opportunities.

I love my child, I also love my job. For me, leaving work would be a last resort - and I say that as a parent of an autistic child. Selfish or not I want to keep that separate part of me.

It’s hard I know but your children’s well being is worth any career.
You don’t need to work, the children need support. It’s just a few years. Good luck

You will end up burnt out. It’s a lot to take on with an almost absent father.

The OP asked for people differing opinions on the subject so she could make an informed decision to suit her, just because you don’t agree with someone’s opinions doesn’t mean you can decide what other people’s views should be!

sorry to derail I’m just getting annoyed as every thread at the moment seems to have people that want to start an argument rather than just listening to others views and opinions politely.

Of course it makes sense for him to go part time. That's the obvious thing to do. If you're on £35k and he's earning 5 times as much as you there is absolutely no need for him to be that much. Your household incomes would still be considerably higher than most even if he dropped to 2 days!

Your career is not secondary to his. He's had the chance to progress his career whilst you had the children. It's your turn now.

So youre putting your perception of what you think is femist over your kids happiness?

Yes, we can't expect an actual person - a man - to reduce his hours or do anything at all to help his children thrive, that's a woman's job! A man to can work every hour under the sun and not be selfish but a woman - gosh, how dare she want independence. Burn her at the stake.

I think you need to be prioritising the needs of your children.

Whether this involves you giving up work or cutting your hours for a few years, or getting a nanny of some description only you can decide.

This is a very dangerous trap to fall into - believing that his work is more important than yours because he earns more so you have to make all the sacrifices.

Besides anything else, if he works very long hours he's missing out on his children's early years.

Part time.

It's the very definition of selfish and I don't agree with it being horrible and outdated.

Selfish? What a horrible and outdated view.

Can you reduce your hours? As a temporary measure

What would the consequences of a career break be, depending on your field, is it something you can pick up again in a couple of years?

I don't agree that 'quite rightly' you cannot access the funded childcare that your husband's high taxes are funding for everyone else, I think it's dreadful that you can't access this facility also for your household.

Ideally you could keep going but with less hours so the kids have less time on childcare but you can keep your career going and increase hours again when they are older

If your husband earns so much, surely he already has a good career so time for him to go part time so you can progress yours?

Personally if my children weren't thriving I would prioritise their needs over and above my own, every time. You don't even need the money so it seems incredibly selfish that you are choosing to work whilst also acknowledging the negative impact it has on your children.

What job do you do ? Is it something that you need to keep your oar in ?

Your career is benefiting you. So that counts for a lot.

I would look at options, as others have said. Can you change your hours so the nursery days less / not as long?