AIBU to keep working when the children may need me more?

Nursing gives you a lot better options than many other careers. I would look into going part time.

Before you do this you will need to agree with your DH that your pension arrangements will not be compromised so that you and he have equitable financial security. This may mean your pension being topped up from the family pot.

Could you get a childminder instead?Or reduce your hours for 6 months or so to see if it helps?

I do understand this argument but the problem is, it’s two jobs: caring and providing. And it does stand to reason that if one person is doing the majority of the care, the other person needs to provide.

I do agree that women get the ‘have you considered going part time’ spiel that men don’t but it’s pointless pretending that the one who is earning the money can dedicate the same amount of care as the one who doesn’t.

Put your kids first! You are so lucky to be in a position to do so!

In Denmark I think the most sought after jobs are those which enable a good quality of life. It’s not just about the money or being rich- both parents need to be fulfilled. I’m a bit surprised that your DH is happy to do so little especially since the kids are so small. Surely he could drop off on Monday and pick up on Friday or something? I think even the PM did this!

If you give up your job you’ll have the worst of both worlds- you’d be giving up a career you love, and he’s stuck in a job he doesn’t. It would be madness.

You'll find that the DH - the one who is doing very little parenting at all - also chose to have children.

This is a good idea

If you have this much money, why don’t you hire a nanny-housekeeper?

Could you get weekend shifts? A friend effectively had the weekdays at home with her dc, and the weekend at work. Her husband had his own children while she was at work.

You really need to work together to decide how to make sure that your dc don’t miss out. It isn’t all on you, it’s a joint situation. Do not allow your job to be seen as optional. Your job is worthwhile and important. It isn’t ’pin money’, it isn’t something he lets you do so you don’t get bored. The dc are not only your responsibility, but his as well. He has to help find the solution.

Otherwise before you know it, he’s the provider, decision maker and boss and you’re the unpaid nanny/housekeeper.

Isn’t a middle ground of two or three days working better?

I went back three days after having ds and it’s a good balance. I’m doing two this year and next for all sorts of reasons and don’t love it but three days is a good balance. I actually think a good nursery or preschool can be a positive influence for a child but I also think four or five days really is a lot.

Could you not go part time? That seems like a good compromise to keep your hands in but also be available for your children while they need you. You're right that they won't need this forever.

Could you try a temp reduction in hours for 3 or 6 months, and see if you notice a difference/improvement for the kids?
If you can do it as a temp reduction, you have some protection of being able to increase your hours again (appreciate work may say your role cannot be done effectively on reduced hours).
If they do agree, maybe keep the same amount of days, but shorter days.

I’d keep at it personally and feel no guilt. You only feel this way because you’re a woman, men don’t feel it.

How bonkers to say that the DH should go part time. It’s highly unlikely that the type of job that pays megabucks would allow part time work. For ££££ they want your soul.

I gave up working for a couple of years because DD was very unhappy at nursery, even though I was the main breadwinner at the time, but my job was just a way to make money. I’ve never loved it.

Being blunt, you’ve chosen to have children and know that they are unhappy. You can do something about it but are choosing not to.

Take a look at a CNO's salary...

You're focusing too much on being rich. You're already rich compared to most. You can afford to financially compromise as a family. Why are you so convinced that it's you that needs to take the hit?

I wouldn’t have phrased it so baldly but I do broadly agree with this, sorry.

Yea I agree with this. A high earning but high stress job which he doesn’t love is a bit of a recipe for disaster. People do get made redundant at senior levels, especially those who are paid a lot and don’t love the job. With the onset of AI no one can be complacent.

People also burn out and can have affairs too- especially those who work long hours. If your DH hasn’t hit late 40s/ 50s you’re got the mid life crisis to come too…

He seems kind but also he isn’t thinking of the fact you also want to progress in your career and maybe he isn’t supporting that.

I don't believe you for one second, but hey ho.

I think ultimately the children always come first if you can afford to drop hours, obviously some people HAVE to work and it is what it is but it doesn’t sound like the case here.

Instead of quitting can you not think of compromises?

1. working less hours per day - 1 or 2 hours less a day?
2. drop to 2 or 3 days per week
3. DH reconsiders his hours and looks at dropping some if possible so it’s not you making all the compromise

You love your job, it’s incredibly valuable, you should have the opportunity to continue. It’s not long till they start school, can you throw the money at the issue by hiring a nanny for some of the time so they can either do short days at nursery then be at home or be at home all the time depending on what is best and you can have some help at home. I know you’ll then be paying even more to work but your happiness and wellbeing shouldn’t suffer for your DH’s job. You could be in a position of getting much of the childcare paid if he didn’t earn so much. It’d be crazy for his job to reduce your options.

They aren’t just your DC’s op.
Regardless of your DH’s earning capacity, he should be pulling his weight with regards to DC.
You shouldn’t be the one to sacrifice your career if there is another option that may be in the best interest of the DC’s

Well what does your DH suggest? Does he have anything he can do to help? I’m slightly interested in whether he has thought about the issue or whether it’s all falling on your shoulders.

Well what does your DH suggest? Does he have anything he can do to help? I’m slightly interested in whether he has thought about the issue or whether it’s all falling on your shoulders.