AIBU to keep working when the children may need me more?

Nanny seems ideal. I would.also consider a forest nursery for your youngest a couple of days a week. You say he thrives in nature and sound naturally dissipates more thsn in an enclosed space.

If you give up your career and get divorced down the line you will be at a big disadvantage as you will be expected to work.

I am the higher earner in my house. As a senior person in an organisation you often have a lot of control over your own diary and can wring flexibility out of even a full-on job. I am nearly certain your husband could do more.

DD is a teenager now, but when she was small I did two drop-offs and a pick up each week, and for a couple of years I did compressed hours so I was around on Friday. DD is a happy, thriving 16-year old and I am quite sure she wouldn't be if one of her parents had been frustrated and miserable. Your children have two parents: you can't both have everything but you need to find a compromise that means neither of you have to give up anything essential. That might mean shorter hours for one or both of you, it might mean a nanny, it might mean a change of nursery. But there is a solution that doesn't involve you giving up a career you love which I socially valuable, I promise.

Definitely the nanny option. Perhaps reducing hours to three days a week.
You can't just leave nursing for a few years and then pick up where you left off, so I don't know why that's been suggested on here.

You are not alone to think this about having a nanny. For me it felt safer for my DC to be in nursery with more staff around and more children so things were more in the open and transparent.

Haven’t read the whole thread, but my advice is to never put yourself in a position where you are totally reliant on someone else. It so often ends badly.

If he’s such a big earner hire a nanny and a housekeeper so you have plenty of time with your children without having to do daily jobs.

You could try for a happy medium and drop some work hours -go more part time and reduce their time in nursery.
or you could get a nanny that comes to your home, your children may thrive with 1:1 care
after my second child I dropped down to 2-3 days a week to spend more time with my sons.
after my third I’ve decided to stop work for a couple of years, they need me now while they’re small !

I don't understand why you couldn't go very part time and get the best of both worlds?
As a specialist nurse your role could surely be tailored to fit any hours? I know plenty of CNSs who work part time, some short days and others two or three days a week.

I went to two days a week. Enough to keep up to date and be in a position to increase my hours whenever I wanted. Equally I was able to be at home the majority of the time. I have zero regrets about it.
It turns out that there isn't a sudden cut off at five years old when you aren't needed as much . In fact children need you just as much well into teens, just in different ways.

Absolutely do not give up completely. If you must, try to go part time. I understand how you feel and went through similar but it was so hard to get back to where I was, I really wouldn’t recommend quitting completely! What about becoming a school nurse or similar?

What is your response to the nanny solution? That seems to cover both your and your DC's wellbeing.

I think a lot of tiny kids find the all day nursery too much for them. Introverts exist at all ages

This. As someone who works in afterschool club, there are lots of kids, often with not a lot of space and it gets noisy!

I can’t answer the poll as I can see why you’re torn. I’ve been the exact same (bar the wealthy husband 😂). Also a nurse so I understand your passion. But also get why your form re the children.and also wanting to maintain your independence. Is part time an option? Drop a day? Maybe get a balance for them and you. Is your role mon-fri? Any chance of wfh options?
For what it’s worth you sound a lovely mum. Don’t beat yourself up.

Sounds like it’s the nursery childcare setting that insight for your child.
id find a childminder of nanny instead that will give him the calmer time he prefers.

I went back to work full time, but I am lucky that I have always been home based and with flexibility. You need to find a balance that works for you all and I would hope your managers value you enough to support you going part time so you can find that balance. I think your kids seeing you work is a positive role model and you might find they still cried at drop off even if you were a stay at home mum. You need to find hours that give you more time with them, but also allow you to keep your role in some capacity as they are only little once you don’t want to have regrets either way. I hope your managers help you find a balance that works for you all. As others have said definitely outsource some of the other activities that would make your life easier too.

Good mental health is also very important to be a good mother. Maybe find someone to pick them up and take home earlier - a part time Nanny?

You do a very important and useful job, for which you've trained hard! Don't give it up because of some temporary issues over childcare drop off.

I don’t know why suggesting the DH does a couple of nursery runs a week or even drops a day is so crazy but the OP dropping her whole specialist career isn’t.
this DH might be earning much more than 175k but if he was one day for that salary is equal to the OPs whole salary so even based on just numbers it’s the same.
Among people I know if one person is a high earner and the other a nurse then the high earner still does a couple of days picking up from childcare when the pt nurse works a long shift.

Sorry I didn't make it clear. I meant that the work she does doesn't benefit anyone in her family. Not her husband or children. In fact the OP admits it actually costs the family money for her to go to work.

My youngest is a sensitive soul and thrived with a childminder instead of a nursery.
In your shoes perhaps changing the nursery setting to a smaller, calmer one may help?
You sound like you really enjoy your job, whilst children should come first if you’re going to miserable staying home then I think looking at a better balance might be more beneficial.
Can you work less days and still keep up to date with your training etc
My MIL was a paediatric sister on the ward, when my DH and his siblings were small she worked nights, 3 nights a week and their Dad was home from work or if he was away her Sister/MIL would stay.
Once they were all in school she switched back to days, it was a job she loved, I’m not sure she needed to work but it was her vocation and she had trained really hard to get there.

Husband gets a nanny.
Your children don’t have to be in nursery on that income.

The obvious solution seems to be getting a nanny - why is op not responding to this suggestion?!
Or look around for more suitable childcare - a forest school style setting, for example.

Your job is very important. I’d employ a nanny so the children can be at home.

Keep your job. A job you love doing is a rare thing indeed.

We’re told we can have it all but we really can’t.

I am in the same position and I chose my kids.