AIBU to feel hurt when my husband accepts invitations excluding me?

Yes but you aren’t a man with history of affairs, a dislike towards OP and questionable morals. Its good to look outside your own experience occasionally which too many on this thread taste struggling to consider

You clearly know a lot about their individual lives.

Or you are massively projecting and have bought into this bollocks that men are incapable of controlling themselves and that the happiest married man will fuck the nearest woman.

The way he left his marriage is irrelevant to a bunch of strangers. Even if men leave when there is nobody else involved, everyone on MN assumes they were fucking someone else anyway.

The husband has every right to stay friends with the man. If my friend had an affair, I would not turn my back because they are still my friend.

OP doesn’t have to stay with him. And given the amount of trust, perhaps it’s time to rethink the relationship, for the sake of both parties.

Paired as in to make up another couple at the table, as the only single attendees in the small party, so paired by default? I assume they'll be seated next to each other.
I wasn't envisaging any obligatory shagging but dinner parties are not my area of expertise so I'll bow to superior wisdom on that.

Where should we all put our car keys?

But so what, though? I mean, do people really think in these terms? If my dining table seats ten in comfort, I will just think of who I want to have, regardless of their relationship status.

No, OP clarified that the friend is part of one of the 3 couples so the only non couple people are DH and the female.

Oh good, no need to hear from you again then as that would just be you goading and trolling :)

I tell you what though - I give you my permission to have the last word as you desperately want it. You have my permission to keep replying, but, obviously as I have nothing to say to you, I won't be responding.

K. Bye :)

So yeah, your husband and his bff are both disrespectful creeps. You should stop being a doormat.

It sounds like the husband and friend want to stay friends regardless of the wife’s moral judgement.

By behaving like she is, she is showing she doesn’t trust him. Not a happy marriage. I wouldn’t want to live in that environment.

He is presumably capable of having some self control so if he wants to be faithful then he will be.

If he wants to fuck someone else, he will.

It is honestly bizarre and I have never met anyone like this in real life.

Wrong person!

kthnxbye 😉

I have attended dinner parties as the 'spare' woman when my husband was ill, and there's been one other man there, it wasn't too awkward, but I wouldn't want to do it very often, coupled up events tend to be pretty awful if you are not in a couple as every time you talk to the couple, it doesn't quite work in terms of the dynamic and if you talk to the man on their own it looks like you are flirting when you are not! All in all, I don't think the situation is intrinsically worrying, but I'd ask your husband do you really want to go to these events? And why is your friend asking couples primarily and then just two others- why not add a third person just to change up the dynamic? Otherwise it's socially awkward, not that the husband will fall on the single woman.

It sounds difficult and that the ex-husband is using your husband a bit to shore up his new life, and I think it's ok to point this out and say it feels weird to you, just ask your husband to think it through and decide together as a couple how to handle this going forward.

Exactly. Three other couples = six people. Plus the host, plus the OP's DH, plus the other woman attending on her own = 3 people. Therefore one third of this dinner party's attendees are not attending as part of a couple. Which seems like an entirely ordinary state of affairs.

How is it disrespectful to attend his friends dinner party? Would you think it's disrespectful for a woman to attend a friends dinner party when her husband didn't like the friend? How strangw

I think a lot of MNers are sex/relationship-obsessed and so every social activity has to be framed through the lens of sex and relationships. They can't imagine that there are other reasons to be invited to a dinner party.

How is he being ‘paired’ with her, presumably he isn’t obliged to shag her?

Lol, your projection is absolutely wild 😅

So anyway, as I'm right and we have nothing else to discuss, and you're entitled to your opinion however deliberately obtuse, there's nothing more to say.

K, bye.

A quadruple date is not a thing.

Dinner parties involve more couples than single people as you get older on account of more people finding partners. They're not "dates" or "couple events". Single men and women are not barred from them.

.....to be paired with a single lady.

Which assumes that the woman is going with the intention of being 'paired with' someone and not because she has long-standing friendships with some of the other guests/enjoys their company/has leisure or professional interests in common with them. She might be looking forward to spending time discussing Renaissance art or Formula One or amateur dramatics with some of the other guests and not have the slightest interest in op's husband.

Gosh, you must live in a particularly insecure echo chamber, @Youlittlenightmare.

Bet the cool wives drinking game would be a LOT of fun.

The OP has said in a previous post that there are 3 other couples going, plus her H and the single woman. It isn't a informal thing, it's been set up more like a quadruple date. I can see why she isn't happy, especially with the friend's track record and dislike for her.

This has been set up nothing like a date. Nothing remotely like a date! It's a dinner party with seven other people there! Zero dates I've ever been on have involved seven of my other friends as well.

I wouldn't feel disrespected over something this minor. My DH would never try to stop me going to a social event with my best friend just because there happened to be another single man there.

No, I'm quite right. No need to reply again as you are entitled to your opinion - however deliberately obtuse it is - and I am entitled to mine, we definitely will not agree, I am quite correct, and I have no desire to be talked at by someone pretending not to get it :)

Thanks, bye.