AIBU to feel hurt when my husband accepts invitations excluding me?

If I was invited to a dinner party where the other guests were 3 couples and a single man I wouldn't need DH to 'lay down the law' You know why? Because I respect him and wouldn't wish to be at any such gathering.
HTH

For going to a dinner party?

His ex wife or OP’s DH would have told him. No psychic powers required.

Why is curry OK but a home cooked meal not? What exactly is he trying to get one over on refusing to feed her??

So you wouldn’t mind your partner laying down the law? How, er, traditional of you .

If the only way the OP can handle this is by kicking off about her husband going (just in case he falls over and ends up sleeping with the random woman) then perhaps he’s better off out of the marriage

Errrrr yeah, nope.
If he goes to this I'd be very clear to him that he could go fuck himself. The utter disrespect for you that this would demonstrate is actually disgusting. I literally can't believe your husband can't see this, you know why? Because he can and he doesn't give a shit.
Why are you ok with that?
He's an absolute prick.

Well.the bloke knows she doesn't like him. Pyschic I assume

She hasn't been slagging him off. Op sympathised with B's wife and kids. She hasn't been talking about him to acquaintances.

And my post said my DH wouldn't go, not that I would want to be invited.

Would you invite someone to your house who has been slagging you off?

But the only reason for the OP to attend is to keep an eye on her husband. That is going to be a fun evening

No I wouldn't. And not would I expect some of my friends to invite my OH to things as they don't like each other. I count couples as two individuals

You’re telling me you’ve always liked all your Friends partners ??
I’m sure you haven’t, but you still invite them when you’re inviting your friend to whatever event you have on , cause it’s the normal , polite thing to do .

My DH wouldn't go to regular parties and dinner parties where I wasn't invited/wanted and vice versa.

I didn't realise that basic decency was so rare.

Because she doesn't like him and he knows it. I wouldn't be inviting people to my home I knew didn't like me. That would be a strange thing to do

One thing your dh going out for a pint or curry etc with b

another thing him going to a dinner party
no way in hell

b could even be trying to get one back at you

It feels like an old-fashioned sitcom. MN is not the place to read about healthy relationships, friendships or functional social behaviour!

I don’t think those of us who are secure in ourselves and have healthy relationships, think this at all.

People cheat for all different reasons .
It’s not the affair in itself that I’m concluding he isn’t up the much .
It was that it was her “best friend” who obviously is as bad as him.
It’s his behaviour now , inviting OPS husband & not her , like I said previously to be polite he should ask her every time he asks her husband as he has asked his other friends partners .
He lets her know she is not welcome .

I wouldn’t turn my back on my best friend either if she had an affair .

You feel what you feel; it's not unreasonable. But I'd focus on understanding what you WANT to have happen in this situation and communicating that to your husband as a start.

Strictly speaking, B's routinely inviting your husband and excluding you, especially when the two of you used to socialise with B as a couple, is rude and your husband must know that. But let's say your husband pushes back next time and says "I don't want to go to a dinner party without Heartford", so B says "Oh, I thought she was avoiding me because of the divorce, but sure, she's welcome to come". Either you go and are miserable, or you decline, husband accepts for himself only, and B probably still invites one more person to "make up the numbers". It's hard to tell if B is really trying to push him and the other lone invitee together or "just" being old-fashioned about wanting an even number of men vs women guests.

If you want your husband to turn down B's dinner party invitations and socialise with him in some other way (or not at all) I think you may have to make the practical fallout clearer. His friend B's life may have changed utterly, but his has not; HE is still a husband/partner and full-time dad. The fact that he's not pulling his weight at home (and that's a continuing issue) is huge and should be discussed, but even without that his focusing so much of his leisure/socialising time on events you can't/won't go to can cause relationship problems.

Even though she hates the host but he’s friends with her husband?

You should not be the only husband/wife/partner excluded from any event Ever.

No she definitely didn't, she is now a single mother with all 3. I think it was more of a one off than an affair actually but the point is she was unfaithful.

Did she pretty much ditch her kids? Because I’d ditch a friend that ditched her kids.

No he doesnt, but let's be honest do we judge women that have affairs in the same way?
Society definitely accepts female affairs better because somehow it is always the man's fault. Damned either way!
One of my best friends had an affair, I don't agree but I would never ditch her as my best friend. She hasn't cheated on me.

You can’t dictate your dh friends however I do judge people by the company that they keep.
My concern would be more that dh was untrustworthy or lacked in integrity