AIBU to feel hurt when my husband accepts invitations excluding me?

You can’t be openly judgemental of the guy then expect to be invited to his dinner parties.

Could your husband attend the friend events with just the ‘friends’? That would be better than him attending a doubles night that you have been excluded from. The single woman thing is very disrespectful.

You’re being way too understanding. Why your DH wants to hang out with a loser is a mystery, unless he thinks cheating on your wife is acceptable.

You need to kick off @Heartford . Stop being so bloody accommodating.

If your DH continued contact with the friend say by continuing to attend sporting events together (if they did), or chatting over a pint, then seems ok to me. What you describe, a dinner party, is nothing like that and I can see why this offends.

Look, it’s a mixed-sex group of people. Some of the people are couples attending together, your DH is in a couple but attending by himself, and we don’t know the relationship status of the other woman. Most people don’t socialise in either strictly single-sex groups or as couples who have to go everywhere together! It’s not the 1950s!

What bizarre responses. You don’t like B, he doesn’t like you, he’s primarily your husband’s friend, and you wouldn’t want to go anyway! Yet you think your husband should decline? Weird.

I’d have plenty to say about my DH going alone with 3 couples and a single woman, and I wouldn’t care if it was his best mate.

Having a life outside of a marriage is good up to a point. In this situation, it’s toxic. Having a best mate that has behaved so badly is already raising red flag. Nights out in these circumstances is very worrying. You two have a lot to discuss.

TBH your husband sounds pretty awful. He leaves the lion's share of parenting to you, even though you have the more demanding job and he's happy to attend dinner parties where you have been deliberately excluded and it sounds like his friend has set him up with a single woman to spite you as he knows you disapprove of his treatment of his ex-wife and kids.

Your husband has more in common with his friend than I'd feel happy with. His friend has obviously ditched his kids along with his marriage and is living the life of a single man. You husband doesn't sounds like a particularly hands-on dad and he doesn't seem to disapprove of his friend's behaviour at all.

Is the event a sleepover or will DH get back that night to take kids out early next day ?

I think it’s very rude when only one part of a couple gets invited to dinner. (Unless it’s a boys night/girls night of course)

I think drinks at the pub, watching football - all those sorts of things are not weird. But dinner party…

I also have the sort of husband that would go and would reluctantly not go if I asked. It’s the pits really because what you want is to be chosen without having to point it out.

That’s what I assumed too. Clearly if the woman is there as the husbands’ date that does change things.

This really. His friend sounds like he wants to split you up so he has a party mate

Marriage is dead in the water. He not only still talks to but openly supports a lying cheat and now is going to a couples dinner party without you and another woman there. Absolutely if he went I would be ending things.

This ^^ pretty much.

He may be a sleaze but that's no-one's business except his and his ex wife's.

You doing the lion's share of the household work/kids etc is a MUCH bigger problem than who your DH is mates with.

I wouldn’t like my dh hanging around with someone who had the morales of an alley cat!

Find it strange how this guy is single but also organising to go out with other couples

Were these old friends who did not share the disapproval of his behaviour? Or new couple friends? In which case I’d be surprised as it’s not that easy to conjure up new couple friends and less so get a random woman who would agree to meet friends on a first date

Him going out with his mate without you - fine.

him going out on a couples night with another woman - not fine.

i think there’s two issues here that are being confused. I don’t think it’s controlling to not want your dh to go on a date set up by his single friend.

Weird everyone is saying the single woman is for your husband? Surely she's for B?

You are the company you keep, and your husband is choosing that.

Maybe the single woman at the party is someone B is interested in? I wouldn’t expect my DH to end this friendship, even if it made me feel uncomfortable. And I wouldn’t expect the friend to invite me out when he knows I don’t approve of him. I also wouldn’t drop a friend for cheating on their spouse. It’s an awful thing to do, but people are very complicated.

But surely you are allowed to go out too with your own friends?

I read this that there was B, your DH, a woman and 3 x couples is that not the case? Why would B invite a single woman for your DH ( unless he’s asked him to hook him up?). I think the bigger problem is the amount of hours you’re working and your childcare / chores split not about one night out that you don’t even want to go on.

Because I'm not inclined to give a cheater the benefit of the doubt?

I’d ask DH to decline this invitation. Whether he understands your reasons or not, he needs to put you above this sleazy, womanising friend in this situation. It’s horrible that a single woman has been invited along for your DH.

You need to reframe this. It’s not about what B does, it’s about what your husband does. He wants to stay friend with B, and that’s ok, it’s his choice. I would be pointing out how odd it is that B is effectively inviting a date for your husband. Repeatedly. Groups where everyone is mingling,mix of singles and couples? Of course. Couples, and matching up a couple of singles, rather odd. I’d point out it’s odd fairly frequently so your husband keeps it in mind. Ask whether he invites single men as well, so make up the numbers, or does he always invite a woman ‘for’ your husband?