AIBU to feel hurt when my husband accepts invitations excluding me?

Or they can both go out separately and get a babysitter.

Said what?

Yeah you’re right, she did, she also though said he was single in her op.

But he isn't single is he? He is part of one of the couples as the OP stated

It’s really weird that your dh (and many people on this thread) don’t see how utterly fucked yup it is that your dh is being paired up with another woman!

i would get yourself invited and go - even if it’s not your idea of a good time. Your dh’s mate seems to want a partner in crime and wishes your dh was single like him!

Why assume that she's at home looking after the children? The reason could be a hobby commitment (my DD1 sometimes has to miss social events as she plays a team sport at a reasonably high level) or a working shift (DD2 is a nurse and also had to miss out on social stuff) or of course they could be under the weather.

If someone I was at a meal with was married but their spouse wasn't there, I might casually stay 'oh was s/he not able to come tonight?' or I might just mind my own business.

She’d have said if she did
and she didn’t

Or maybe the OP is excluded because she has the temerity to still see the cheating man’s ex.

As I said in my first post, OP’sDH needs to do his fair share of household and kids, he clearly has too much free time. And OP should arrange a night out the day of the dinner party so DH can stay home and actually do some child care.

Again, questioning the motives of one cheating male host doesn’t mean that all single women are only invited as a potential affair partner. No one is questioning the motives of all hosts or all single female guests. Not sure how many times I have to say it.

Of course they don’t have to hook up.

She hasn’t been invited because she disapproves of how the host ended his marriage and has barely seen him since it happened! I mean would you invite someone to come round for dinner if you knew that, in the unlikely event that she accepted, she would sit there disapproving of you the entire time?

Plus she admits herself she wouldn’t go!

And her and her DH’s childcare arrangements are hardly the host’s problem. If she thinks things are unequal, that’s on her to raise it with her DH.

It has every bearing on the woman invited.

Essentially you think it more likely that the host is attempting some sort of budget Iago machination than that he has invited a female friend, who happens to be single, because she's smart and funny company.

And surely it doesn't need saying that even if someone is trying to set two people up, they don't actually have to follow through and hook up?

It's as if single women are supposed to not exist around people who are coupled up. Do these married men never come across single women at work, at hobbies, at the school gate etc? Why would the assumption be that just because she is single and he is there without his wife they will somehow magically fall madly in love and go shag in the bathroom? It's not disrespectful to mix married and non-married people. If someone who is married can't stay faithful then they won't, but it's irrelevant if that is whilst sitting at a dinner table, at the gym or at work.

She hasn’t even been invited. And the regular invites to her DH means she is doing even more of the housework and childcare.

I’m questioning the motives of this particular host, yes. Not of every host.

He wouldn’t be the first cheating man encouraging his friend to cheat.

That has no bearing on the woman invited to the party.

The ettucute?

do you mean etiquette? 😆

But the OP doesn’t want to go! Couples don’t have to socialise together like they’re manacled!

Exactly. And aren’t single women allowed to come to dinner parties as they might go after all the attached men?? Ugh.

You don't even want to go so I don't see the issue. yes, the affair wasn't great but he's your husband's friend and he is more than entitled to socialise with him without you.

You still can't accept that the host's motive for inviting this single woman might be that she's funny, smart company in her own right, and friends with others at the table. Because she has things to offer as herself, not as a potential date.

I would stay friends if a good friend of mine had an affair. And would still meet with them. If there was a single man there, that would not change anything. I am married and can be trusted. If OP trusts her husband there is no issue in my book. Single women are not all marriage-ruining predators.
OP doesn’t want to be around that man anyway.

Yes, hence the advice to OP to stop letting her DH shirk housework and childcare.

If men are so happy to go to multiple parties set up by a cheating friend then they shouldn’t be surprised when their excluded wives start checking out of the marriage.

Butis he single if he's part of one of the couples at the dinner party?

I’m questioning the motives of THIS man who has excluded OP because of her friendship with his ex and invited a single woman to make up the 8th guest at a party. Generally it’s poor etiquette to exclude a spouse.

It has no bearing on single women being invited to dinner parties, that was me for a good few years.

"Other commitments" that mean one half of a couple can't make a dinner party can include work commitments, travel out of town, childcare commitments and probably quite a lot of "they're more your friends and I want a quiet night in".

A couple's imbalanced childcare arrangements are not the host's responsibility or business. That's on them to sort out for themselves.

OP is being left the bulk of the housework and child care, and now her husband is having regular nights out with a man who excludes the OP.

That is not a non-issue.