To say we cant take his child full time?

Take it you're not in a council house then if you're talking about cabins.

A decent sofa bed could work, just needs an air brick put in but not very practical when you've got teens who might want to stop up for a bit.

She will be violating the terms of her council tenancy agreement by not declaring another adult at the property. Simple.
IF she claims any benefits and signs something to say she lives alone with her kids then she is committing fraud.

They could put a few tents up in the garden? I mean there's space for another few surely??

Get a caravan for the garden

This. Why have you produced so many kids between you in just a 3 bed house? The pair of you are being VVUNREASONABLE.

I would say at this point you have too many kids for the number of bedrooms you have. Yes it is understandable he wants and should be able to live with his dad. However you need to apply for bigger accommodation and his dad needs to do more to make it work with the number of kids you have.

I don't think one more child makes any difference.

Adults sofa bed in living room
dd box room
3 boys bedroom
2 boys bedroom

or possibly a cabin in garden for older teens

It's his child, therefore his responsibility. You'll have to make it work.

How would you fit 6 kids and 2 adults into a 3 bed house out of interest?

I think it sounds as if he would be better getting a pad and having the bairn there. I can't see how all of you can fit on a 3 bed house.

Unless you bang an exchange and hope someone wants to downsize from a 4.

Oh dear!You are stopping your partner's son living with you,but ig is ok for your kids to live with you.
You are being very unreasonable. Not up to you to say no.

He needs to ‘make it work’ for his kid, absolutely. You don’t need to be a part of it.

Her house but they’ve got 3 joint dc so it’s their family home. It’s not like he moved in 6 months ago.

What about an old, last-legs caravan (so that it is cheap to get and you can disable the cooking facilities for safety around your toddlers without worrying about resale - also don't bother with water/toilet out there) on the drive/lawn (if there is one) for a bit of extra living space for the older teens during the day, and in compromise, a curtained off part of the living room for the DSS at night?

Hi OP, this doesn't sound like a selfish question.

It sounds like your DP is feeling a deep need to take on the responsibility of his son and be able to support and care for him in that way, while you're able to see things from a slightly less emotional, more practical angle and you're thinking of the overall overwhelm that the household could possibly end up facing.

Wanting to be able to have a conversation around how things would work practically is a good first step.
This should be approached gently though, as it's likely to be a very sensitive topic for DP.

Try and approach it from the point of view of "let's figure out how we could support DS in the best way" instead of "I don't see how it would actually work".

Who the fuck said she's frauding benefits cos I'm pretty sure her financial situation isn't mentioned in any of her posts. For all we know she could be working. No her living situation isn't ideal and they needed a bigger house as soon as she had her 5th child to be quite honest. Her 3bed would have been big enough to house her and 4 sons. Council wouldn't have seen her home as overcrowded until she had her daughter. Her council rent isn't based on how many people live in her house,IF she claims UC(which most people do even if they're working when they have kids) her rent will be paid regardless how many live there. It doesn't mean she's not added her partner to a claim. If she works her UC will be reduced accordingly to her wage deductions. She's definitely not going to get bedroom taxed for under occupancy with five kids in a three bedroomed property

Having 5 kids in a 3 bed house was a little mad - sounds like you kept going till had a Girl - let alone 6 due to partners son

obv when you got together you had a 5&2 and he had a 4yr

i can almost understand why wanted a joint child but to then add on 2 more after having 4 kids in 2 bedrooms , that insane or did you think you would be entitled to a 4/5 bed house

you are going to have to think about moving as your daughter can’t sleep in your room forever

what happens when she is 3/4/5 an needs own room

or you will have to sleep on the sofa and dd have box room and the 5 boys share the 2 large rooms (currently their and your bedroom)

and yes if his son wants to live with dad and be cramped there must be a good reason why doesn’t want to live in peace at his mums - unless she has met someone and he has small half siblings via her as well as the 3 youngest he shares via his dad and you

Could it work if you divide the biggest room into 3 (stud walls) and second biggest room into 2 with stud walls ? It may be a temporary fix ? It might also mean someone may not have window but would they mind also you & hubby having smallest room ?

YANBU to be concerned about the logistics of housing 6 kids in a 3 bed house and to look honestly about the logistics and comfort of everyone in your family.
What does your DSS mum say?

The stupid is strong with this one!

Of course she knows more than you and your years of professional experience, because she googled something!!

Sorry but you have misunderstood that guidance. What you’re quoting is speaking to ‘assigning’ or adding people to tenancies, which gives them equal rights as the original tenant. All OP has to do in her situation is call or write to the HA advising them that her partner has moved in and he would be added as a ‘permitted occupant’. Simple as that. Any benefit calculations are a completely separate issue but do rely on accurate information on number and age of all occupants in the household, whether they’re working or in education etc.

What??? Her partner’s son did not suddenly appear as a long lost relative. He was there all along. So all she needed to say to her partner was ‘look mate - I’ve got two boys and you’ve got one. There are three bedrooms in my house. If you want any more kids shared between us then we need to look at whether we can afford a bigger house’. Because if you haven’t got space for the kids who are already alive, bringing more into the equation is deeply unfair to all involved.
Counting step son out of the housing calculations was insane - he is the bloke’s SON!
The category for unpredictable events would be suddenly taking on nieces or nephews, for example. A known SON needs a bed at the very least. Poor sod on the sofa.

Five kids already? In a 3-bed? No, you don't have room for another.

"We'll make it work" (without saying how) = "I expect you, the woman, to make it work". Don't do it.

Living together separately makes the most sense here. You have a house with your DC and your DP has a house with his DC. See each other when you can.

But ultimately why get involved with someone who already has children?