To say we cant take his child full time?

I bet you he pays most of the rent but he doesn’t officially live there, hence why he thinks he son can live there and why she thinks there’s no room for him. She’s got a council house claiming to be a single mum.

You have made so many assumptions and accusations like this on the thread.

You have no proof of any of it. You are simply judging OP based on where she lives and how many kids she had. I am sure you would judge me too based on information I could give you, despite that actually I am probably in a far better financial position than you. You are offensive, rude and bigotted.

You are SERIOUSLY embarrassing yourself. I suggest that you stop digging, put down the spade and climb out of the hole.

I’m so sick of reading threads on here where people aren’t putting the kids first . I could get banned so I will not write more.

You don't know that's happening though. You don't need to put someone on your tenancy to declare them living there.

People are weird on here.

That's a tricky situation. You are right, there are a LOT of children in your house, the space is a real issue.

But it's really unfair that your partner's other children get to live with him - the children he's had with you - and he's also proxy father to your own child, but this lad can't. I don't think that's cool at all.

I think I'd move heaven and earth to try and make it happen. I know it's not as easy as waving a magic wand, but can you move to a larger house? Could you and your partner give up your bedroom and sleep on a sofa bed in the living room? It won't be forever - your children will grow up and move out. And I say this respectfully and with kindness, not judgement - the pair of you DID have all of the children, it was a choice, even if they weren't all planned. You need to make the best of the situation you're in, and parent ALL the kids, not just the ones you personally birthed.

Bet you they are if they’re pretending to be a single mum of 6 with no partner.

Get rid of OP out of her own house?

Yes makes sense 🙄

Not all council house tenants are on housing benefit (or any benefits). Where do people get these odd ideas?

Yes

plenty of London Boroughs ensure there is a clause to this effect. Whether older tenancy agreements are still in place is another matter.

why has the OP not declared her partner? We can only assume it’s to avoid paying council tax, and to increase her eligibility for benefits.

If space is a problem then the father and son should live together rather than the father sending the message that his own child isn’t worth making any sacrifices for because he’d rather live with you and your other children.

YABU in acting like his child should somehow be less entitled to live with his family, but YANBU in not wanting more hassle in what is, at the end of the day, your house.

You probably shouldn’t have had kids with him, though.

You've got five kids, two of which are not your DP's, but there's no room for the child that isn't biologically yours... there is no room for the others but you've made space because they're your children.

I'd look to move house...

Why on earth have you chosen to have so many children with no room?

OP first I will warn you that Mumsnet is not a very stepmother friendly place.

I completely understand where you're coming from but I also think you are wrong. I had stepchildren as a young wife and I would have felt as you do but since having my own children I see how wrong that would have been. That never came up on in our relationship but I found having the SDC every weekend hard enough. Having now had my own children I think the children would have to come first. How would you feel if your DP said your children couldn't live with you?

Well, it would have been easy if you didn’t have 3 joint dc in the mix - dp moves out with dss & you carry on dating from separate households.

As it is, you are a family with 6 kids. You can’t treat dss differently.

So:
• look into getting moved to a 4 bed
• failing that, you need a room shake up
• you & DP on a sofa bed downstairs
• ds15 & dss14 get the biggest room, with room dividers - if you get creative with bunks & shelving, it’s doable if not ideal
• ds12 & ds9 share the middle sized room
• ds6 & dd2 share the smallest room
• once the older boys start moving out, you re-jig things ASAP so dd gets her own room
• don’t have any more kids
• you & DP don’t get a bedroom back until you’re down to 3 kids still at home, ie 2 boys sharing & the girl with her own room

If you & DP don’t fancy that as a set up, he moves out, to somewhere where he can house his eldest & have the younger three to stay.

What else can you do? 🤷🏻‍♀️

He only moved in a year ago.

I'd get rid of you to make space to be honest. Why do your children take priority, maybe they could live elsewhere? Oh no, wait you wouldn't want that. You sound awful, it is his son and if he wants to live with his dad, his dad will make it work, if it means not being with you anymore so be it.

Equally it’s unhelpful and infantilising to make out that these things have just happened to the OP rather than been via decisions she has made.

@DuvetInTheDaytime you have kids together and your kids live there too. Yet one child isn’t allowed to Be part of the family full time .
The answer is you can’t say no .
Maybe do can live out take the kids you have together and let his son move in.
Maybe one of your kids can move out and make room for his son .
All seem extreme ? So is telling one child they can’t be part of the family and aren’t welcome come full time.

Drip feed (esp re children) was not very helpful and means many people have wasted their time early on - OP needs to go to the LA and explore getting on a waiting list for a larger property. 7 people in a 3 bed house is already ridiculously overcrowded and not in best interests of the existing children.

At the moment DSS cannot move in. OPs children - sole and shared - have nowhere else to go to but DSS already has a home. Should they get offered a larger house at some point they can then offer DSS a bed, but until then DP needs to work with his son and son’s mother to resolve this without moving him in.

When/if that happens, then DP also needs to man up financially - ie he needs to offer a minimum of 50% of bills to reflect that 3-4 of the resident children are his.

There is no short -term fix. 14yo’s push back against their mothers all the time. They don’t all get to move home, and not into a house that is already over-occupied.

I’m in an ex council house that I bought years ago and has a massive garden

compared to new houses that have garden size of stamp

I agree. My next door neighbours DC have no kind of routine. They're back and forth with a backpack every few days. It looks chaotic. They don't get out til the afternoon/evening doing stuff when most people are starting to settle down by that point of the day. Lots of ferrying children back and forth. I feel relief it's not my situation tbh...

Threads like this just make me sad at the choices people make. Two people who already had 3 kids between them, living in a 3 bed house, going on and having three more kids, crammed into a too small property. As a result the dad can't provide a home for his eldest.

One extra kid you'd forgive an accident but ffs why didn't anyone get sterilised after that?