Ex refusing to get a car?

So tell him where to go, if that's the problem

Why is this all this “we” you aren’t a couple.

I would stop seeing him so much and certainly don’t go on days out with him or sleep over at his house! He sounds like a lazy parent and I would want to spend as little time as possible with him.

Yea, he’s annoying, no you can’t make him get a car. Yes you can stop driving him anywhere and yes you can stop the clubs if you don’t want to do the driving for them.

The whole situation sounds incredibly odd and probably very confusing for your poor child stuck in the middle of two parents who are not together but appear to spend more time together than many couples.

Forget the car, forget worrying about his shopping, transport and life and step away from the situation entirely. Do your daughter a favour and model healthy boundaries.

He needs to do his parenting alone without you. So that means getting your DD to and from the houses, taking her out, taking her to school on his days.

do not give him anymore lifts ever again and he is not to go out with you. He does that with his dd alone, he then may decide he does need to save up for a car, budget for a taxi or whatever.

Zipcar is long gone. It doesn’t exist in the U.K.

This sounds like a total PITA, OP.
Whose decision was it to split? It sounds like he's trying to keep you locked into his life more than an ex should be.

It’s up to him whether he gets a car, and if he can’t afford it, then he can’t afford it. Just like it is up to you whether you ferry him around and do everything together even though you are not together. Does he pay maintenance? Have you asked him for a contribution towards fuel for days out etc.?

You sound very bothered and very involved with your ex Which just doesn’t make any sense to me I’m afraid And he’s probably confusing as hell for your daughter as well.

You’d be far better off I’m sure just having sex days that you each have your child and leave him to his own devices on those days. He’ll soon decide whether a car is worth it for activities and school run, but if he doesn’t, that’s his choice on his days.

If the reason you Won’t leave your child alone with her father is something more sinister, than you are being utterly unreasonable for facilitating a relationship. (Sorry if I’ve got the wrong end of the stick, but it is a very unusual situation you’re describing)

He’s an ex? Why are you taking him to the shops and on days out? Especially since he won’t buy a car.

As he’s an ex, you don’t get a vote on whether or not he buys a car. At the same time, as an ex, it is not your responsibility to ferry him to the shops and days out. Let him experience some of the discomfort of what life is like without a personal car and without Catilemma’s Free Taxi Service. Yes, drive DC to clubs, but don’t drive the ex.

If you're saying you're happy to facilitate her going to the clubs yourself but talking about hypothetical times you might not be able to get there, it must be rare that this happens. So you just miss a week then 🤷‍♀️

Why do you have to be there - he can get public transport or taxi to yours to see her, and take her out? Are you sure this is not because you don't want him to see her on his own? If that's not it, or even if it is, can you make it clear that he needs to step up and keep up his relationship with DD on his own initiative, whether or not you are there to facilitate it?💗

It's for him to decide if he wants to spend his savings on a car - that's just his choice and he is entitled to make. Also again, in the current climate plenty of people are prioritising spending over saving.

What is for you to decide is whether you want to enable this choice or not by not enforcing a rule that he pays you for fuel. I think you should - I think since the separation he should have been paying half petrol costs for journeys you have done together.

That is his choice, that doesn’t mean you have to facilitate everything

Stop facilitating things for him. It's not your problem.

Walk it or bike it.

So what’s his plan for weekends or whenever he isn’t working? How will he get to where he needs to get to if he won’t use public transport?

It all sounds way too enmeshed, why do you care what he thinks?

It’s your choice to involve him or not. I assume there is some benefit to you to have him involved the way he is.

Starting charging him for fuel as you can’t afford it?

My sisters partner scrapped his car last year, he said he just could not afford it hes being getting public transport since. Hes still getting to work and back, still sees his son etc.

Not everyone wants needs or can afford a car.
And its none of your beeswax what he dose or chose to do.

Can't you walk to the activities

If public transport isn't ideal ok it's not ideal but that doesn't mean it's not doable either.... But that means someone's got to be willing to do it...

In my experience people who drive are less likely to walk longer distances to get to places because they're used to driving. And less likely to go on buses/trains if they don't have a car available because it takes more effort/time and less convenient compared to what they're used to.

Of course he can collect from school.
Sufficient public transport exists in some areas. Taxis in most.
And there is always walking.