Ex refusing to get a car?

I honestly don’t think you are doing your daughter a favour long term to facilitate a relationship with a father who basically can’t be arsed. Yes it means she won’t see him / will see him much less but at least she will be surrounded by people who love her and put her first which is better for her sense of worth in the long run. I’d stop facilitating him. Just stop. If he wants to see his daughter he knows where she is. Tell him to communicate when he will pick her up and when he will return her. Other than that you don’t need to see or hear from him.

There’s nothing to stop you having a friendly co-parenting relationship and going on the occasional day out together, but your description of the relationship doesn’t sound healthy at all. You need to separate your lives. He’ll never figure out his own transport arrangements (or behave like an independent grown up parent) if you’re his chauffeur. Take your daughter to her clubs, go on some days out with him, but don’t stay at his house, don’t ferry him about, don’t be responsible for his travel to his family or doing his shopping. Ensure he has the opportunity to see his daughter, but don’t be responsible for making him spend time with her. You can have an amicable co-parenting relationship and have your own independent lives. It’s already annoying you, it won’t get better.

This.
Why would be buy a car when he has you to chauffeur him around for free?

When he gets a new girlfriend I think your situation could be significantly compromised!

Unless you are breast feeding why not loosen the apron strings and let her stay with him on a weekend?

Surely he doesn’t need your constant supervision?

You need to separate properly. It’s not healthy it’s so enmeshed.

You could still do some stuff together but at the moment all the lines are blurred.

He should be paying maintenance, then no more him having an opinion on what you spend your money on.

This ^

It's only unreasonable if he is claiming he cannot afford it and is spending large amounts of money on other things. Expensive holidays for example.

That sounds like the worst of both worlds for you!

Do you benefit at all from this arrangement?

His refusing to sort transport is MAXIMUM weaponised incompetence to exert control.

I would hurry up that decision to either get back together or split properly so he can start fending for himself.

I would say though that a parent can still be a 'lazy' parent and still have a good relationship with the child

But how long will you do this for?
Honestly I think you need to accept the same thing I struggled with for a long time - he will only have the relationship with his daughter that he wants. It doesn't matter how much you do for him or try and make him do, in the end the outcome will be the same. If he won't prioritise her then he won't have a good relationship with her. And you have to take a step back and let that happen. Honestly, the younger she is the better, as she won't know any different.

Sounds like a form of weaponised incompetence to me. Doesn’t get a car=you have to do more of the lifting

Ok well I guess if you want to do it this way then you have to accept this is how he's like

My child's dad would never do half the things I do with her. And doesn't. I can't change that. But there have been times he's taken her on days out still just rarely - if for example you stopped taking him with you, then maybe one day in the future he would actually decide to go on days out with her himself. But he's got no reason to really while you're doing it has he.

And are you truly saying that there's no way at all to go on a day out without a car? Are you sure it's not just not effort for someone who's used to having a car?

I don't think him having a car or not really makes a difference. Even when he had a car he still wouldn't do the driving on your days out and he wouldn't take your child to any clubs. If there was an emergency he could still take your child to school or clubs. He could rent a car, borrow neighbours, take public transportation, take a taxi, ask a friend, cycle, ask special permission from work to use the car etc. Like any fsmily without a car or with one car. I don't really understand why you're so worked up about a hypothetical when he isn't likely to do it even at the best circumstances.

Well let him be crap, then. Just parent your child the way you choose to on your own time and accept that you can’t expect to rely on him for basic parental duties. And accept that your enmeshed co parenting plan doesn’t work.

Honestly if he's a shit parent the sooner she learns that the better. He's not suddenly not a shit parent just because you run around making him look better. You're not his wife or his partner or his dogsbody. You need to start living your life just you and her and remember it's not your job.

So stop it then

He doesn't need to solve this car issue whilst you pick up his slack though.... Dd could also get a bike...

But it isn't working is it? Or you wouldn't be posting on here?

I really don't think this is working for anyone, least of all your daughter. Being so enmeshed and acting like a couple is the reason for all these issues.

I think you need to take a step back. You are not a couple any more. It is not your job to take him out for the day with you if he doesn't contribute. You don't need to stay at his overnight - if he can't cope he doesn't have her. Why is he complaining if he isn't able to get her to the activities? You say 'we' a lot. How long have you been separated?