To find middle class parents insufferable?

Schools are so different, now, to back in our day. The social issues they have to deal with are extreme and numerous (far beyond what we would have experienced). My husband is a Deputy Head in a state comprehensive (always has been, went to a state comprehensive himself etc) but he's desperate for our child to get into a grammar school or go private because he doesn't want their education or well-being to suffer. He sees how much time, energy and resource is "spent" on all those children with issues, at the expense of the middle of the road kids, along with the disruption they cause and the negative impact it has on the good kids. Unsurprisingly, he wants better for our own.

Do lice know what class the parents are?

Why do the Irish send their DC to private schools here? I know quite a few from various private schools in London. Why don't they just go to local schools (state schools are ok where we lived in London)?

Why do the Irish send their DC to private schools here? I know quite a few from various private schools in London. Why don't they just go to local schools (state schools are ok where we lived in London)?

Sorry rant incoming! I'm so sick of how since becoming a parent half the people I speak to seem to be insufferable snobs about the area we live in (in a big city). Schools are "terrible" despite good ratings, couldn't possibly be good enough for their children, and are upset they don't live in a posher area, too many undesirables round where we live, complaining about drugs etc when this is an issue that 100% doesn't affect their demographic. I've recently had someone say they had to move to the suburbs because at their local school all the parents had "a can of coke in one hand, a fag in the other and 10 kids" and another saying a nursery wasn't good enough as they didn't want their child looked after by someone with a speech impediment. Both of these left me with my jaw on the floor shocked someone would think it's OK to say that but they seem to have no embarrassment about saying it to me, a casual acquaintance. And the area we live in is full of creative types, ostensibly left wing etc but also seem to hold these reactionary views when it comes to their kids.

The thing about schools drives me mad as I guarantee most of these people have zero experience of attending or their kids attending a challenging city comprehensive. It's just this perceived bias that their kids will get bullied or become drug dealers or other crap that they heard from their parents as to why they went to private school and are now parroting but can't afford private school or a posh area themselves. I went to a pretty crap school but I came out with good grades and went to a prestigious uni. It wasn't all great but it was a realistic cross section of society and arguably gives you good expectations of the real world and that fact that not everyone in your community is privileged etc. But no one seems to care about that and just wants to look out for themselves and everyone else be damned.

I am middle class myself lol. And my kid is going to have plenty of (unfair) social advantages anyway without us having to get them into "the best" school or only socialise with other middle class people. I just really don't get it. Am I alone in thinking like this??

I’m from Ireland too and I’m glad it’s not like this here., outside of Dublin at least. There is very little difference what school you sent your child to and in fact there is very little talk about what “class “ anyone is at all over here.

Probably because Ireland has 5 million people, and is far more spread out and therefore less crowded/pocketed? Plus more homogenous. Although you mustn’t miss an opportunity to say how much better it is!

Sorry rant incoming! I'm so sick of how since becoming a parent half the people I speak to seem to be insufferable snobs about the area we live in (in a big city). Schools are "terrible" despite good ratings, couldn't possibly be good enough for their children, and are upset they don't live in a posher area, too many undesirables round where we live, complaining about drugs etc when this is an issue that 100% doesn't affect their demographic. I've recently had someone say they had to move to the suburbs because at their local school all the parents had "a can of coke in one hand, a fag in the other and 10 kids" and another saying a nursery wasn't good enough as they didn't want their child looked after by someone with a speech impediment. Both of these left me with my jaw on the floor shocked someone would think it's OK to say that but they seem to have no embarrassment about saying it to me, a casual acquaintance. And the area we live in is full of creative types, ostensibly left wing etc but also seem to hold these reactionary views when it comes to their kids.

The thing about schools drives me mad as I guarantee most of these people have zero experience of attending or their kids attending a challenging city comprehensive. It's just this perceived bias that their kids will get bullied or become drug dealers or other crap that they heard from their parents as to why they went to private school and are now parroting but can't afford private school or a posh area themselves. I went to a pretty crap school but I came out with good grades and went to a prestigious uni. It wasn't all great but it was a realistic cross section of society and arguably gives you good expectations of the real world and that fact that not everyone in your community is privileged etc. But no one seems to care about that and just wants to look out for themselves and everyone else be damned.

I am middle class myself lol. And my kid is going to have plenty of (unfair) social advantages anyway without us having to get them into "the best" school or only socialise with other middle class people. I just really don't get it. Am I alone in thinking like this??

I’m from Ireland too and I’m glad it’s not like this here., outside of Dublin at least. There is very little difference what school you sent your child to and in fact there is very little talk about what “class “ anyone is at all over here.

YANBU at all OP but you're going to get a lot of silly passive aggressive posts like @Apileofbroc's as well as nastier ones.

I'm from Ireland. The level of snobbishness about areas when I moved to the UK absolutely blew me away, as well as the total lack of inhibition around being open about it. When we first moved DH's boss openly disparaged the area were moving into, as though we were choosing to live in a slurry pit. We've lived here 15 years and it's been lovely.

What I don't understand is how apparently educated people don't see that they are the ones creating the areas of isolation and deprivation by segregating themselves and their children.

Also you can't catch poor from rubbing shoulders with the 'wrong' people.

Not you, other posters.

But you did seem incredulous that I didn’t want my kid to go somewhere they’d catch lice constantly. Do you find it fun spending hours combing lice out of hair?
Anyway I didn’t say they were poor, just trashy. I was poor when I had my first kid literally in a homeless shelter and only 16 and my kids have always been clean. You can’t buy class

Then I must be insufferable. I chose to bring ds in to the world, he didn't ask to be born, so it's my responsibility to ensure ds is safe, and that he doesn't live somewhere he might find needles in the play area or get stabbed on the way home.
That's responsible parenting as far as I am concerned. I wouldn't express my views out loud because some people can't chose where they live and I've no desire to hurt their feelings or offend them, but it didn't stop me moving.
Working to give my child the best childhood I can is something I do without hesitation. That's my job as a mum.

I’m a creative type. I find it insufferable when people make sweeping generalisations and can’t resist dropping in that they went to a “prestigious” university.

People who believe that 'getting ahead' involves exclusivity have a fear of socialism, which makes discussing socialist policies difficult as they'll always see anything in which they can't purchase or work for an advantage over others as disadvantageous.

YANBU at all OP but you're going to get a lot of silly passive aggressive posts like @Apileofbroc's as well as nastier ones.

I'm from Ireland. The level of snobbishness about areas when I moved to the UK absolutely blew me away, as well as the total lack of inhibition around being open about it. When we first moved DH's boss openly disparaged the area were moving into, as though we were choosing to live in a slurry pit. We've lived here 15 years and it's been lovely.

What I don't understand is how apparently educated people don't see that they are the ones creating the areas of isolation and deprivation by segregating themselves and their children.

Also you can't catch poor from rubbing shoulders with the 'wrong' people.

Ireland is moving towards a socialist-type healthcare system due to the weight of evidence that it is better than the current two-tier private and public system. The fact that some countries struggle to make socialist policies work doesn't mean those policies can't ever work - democracy isn't easy to implement either and does produce bad results in some instances (the US being a standout example).

It means living in a capitalist country and having socialist type infrastructure. It doesn't work in real life as we can clearly see.
It's now failing in Scandi countries too.

I'm not sure what 'having it both ways' means. But attitudes that we have to be stringently capitalist or nothing don't come from people with an altruistic agenda in my experience.

I feel like the bulk of these comments are proving my point! Fair enough, the title of the thread was provocative. But I am left scratching my head at the wild overreaching in response to my point, similar to the parents I'm talking about.

Hoping to send my (real but a long way off secondary school age child) to a local school means I'm sacrificing them to the wolves for my own selfish principles (or trying to be "groovy" 😂)? Not automatically assuming that the locals schools that i haven't visited but are rated good or higher are crap based on the local demographics means I don't want what's best for my child?? Obviously when the time comes i will visit them all and put the one we think seems best at the top of the list but I'm not going to prejudge based on my own biases. I am snobby and horrible for thinking it's snobby to make rude comments about working class parents? The one that made me laugh the most was the person who said "I only have one child so I'm not going to experiment on them", so if you have multiple kids it's OK to use one of the spares as a science experiment?

I'm very sorry for anyone who had a bad time at school and experienced bullying or disruption. I experienced both and it can leave deep scars but it was complicated (and tbh I was picked on mainly by kids of a similar background to me) and I don't hold anything against my parents for choosing that school (which wasn't failing) and I have friends from a variety of backgrounds who went to different types of schools and people's experience is just so varied regardless of the type of school/ area. There are a lot of factors. Plus this was 20 years ago so things change. My old school is really highly regarded now, the ones in my area might be in 7 years who knows?