To find middle class parents insufferable?

IME people who can talk to practically anyone and do it all the time happen to have been at boarding schools 😁

I've attended both private and state school despite being firmly working class. Unfortunately my dad hated the fact I was at the private school and when my parents split he pulled me out. Despite the fact it didn't cost him anything as I had a scholarship

It was pretty shit going to an east London comp after that but I can level with people from all walks of life now

As someone who has both attended and taught at private/state schools, I am prepared to scrub floors after the Great AI Recession to send my child to either a private or a state school in a good area.

On what grounds do you object to private schools on an ethical level? Parents who pay for private schools pay their taxes that fund the state schools, so they essentially pay twice. Have you ever even attended a private school? I doubt it. I actually think there should be some sort of tax write-off for parents who use private schools and the 20% VAT is outrageous. I look forward to Labour's demise at the next election.

Middle class people pay the taxes that fund everyone else's UC.

It’s not about riff raff, it’s about kids who want to learn and don’t spend 99% of a lesson disrupting he class. Ppl who say things like that don’t understand how bad some schools are in

Many PP have described moving into a good catchment area. I wonder if this misses a trick, though. Obviously houses in those areas sell at a huge premium - we can see on here how desired they are. If you are a bright parent, you can stay put, guide your child's education, and also pay for some tutoring if needed. And have a better standard of living house and garden wise, or invest the money you'd otherwise spend on the fancy-catchment house. And these days, unis lie Durham take account of where you went to school and may give an adjusted offer. Oxbridge does this too. I think there are compelling reasons not to rush to a fancy catchment and pay through the nose. I think there are studies saying that it's about the child's background rather than the school.

There are no snobs like British middle-class snobs (BRIMS) with the possible exception of some Indian castes. I live among them (the BRIMS, not the Indian castes) and am far too familiar with their attitudes. I suppose I'm one of them, too, although I don't lump myself in with them. I'm able to talk to people from all walks of life, unlike my relatives and friends. My late dad had a cleaner, a woman my age, who lived on a notorious "rough" council estate. We became firm friends. I can't imagine many of my relatives and friends being so. My friends range from her, and a nurse, and a very ill-spoken police officer, to people who earn a million-plus a year, in law and consulting. Most BRIMS have nothing like that range of friends. And I have family who will not be friends with anyone who isn't one half of a respectable married couple.

My cousin always said "appreciate" as "appreshee-ate". But after watching Downton Abbey, she suddenly started saying "appresee-ate." 🤣

In short, you're not wrong, OP.

Perfectly reasonable choice, but the "stick out like a sore thumb" is the bit I'd take issue with. Unless you're choosing schools based on race and you mean visually, then that just sounds a bit arrogant. It simply isn't the case that the non-grammar state schools are so full of only underachieving kids that a single grammar-capable child would be that unique. Be at risk of underachievement, quite possibly, I agree, but stick out like a sore thumb, no. Comments like that (or about how the speaker's child would have been "eaten alive" if forced to go to their local school) are exactly the sort of hyperbole that irritates people who do use those schools. It's just not that binary.

Are you actually saying that poor people are risk taking criminals whilst being well off makes you immune and simply an angel? A bit like OP saying that drugs are homeless people's problem and won't affect her MC acquaintances?

What planet are you guys living on?

Does anyone remember that horrid attack on two girls perhaps one on a pavement near stained?
The girls attacking where getting "advised" by their mum's on what to grab and hit and kick .

Id rather my DC didn't go to schools with parents like that thanks.

I agree OP. Poverty is associated with crime, risk taking and ill health. If you’re already privileged, your children won’t catch any of this stuff just by being in the proximity. They never say, “I’m a bit of a snob and don’t want my children mixing with riff raff” even though it’s obviously what they mean.

No interest in sending my two to the local state schools as a form of social experiment. We are taking the financial hit and sending both private. Supportive, nurturing environment with an emphasis on learning and taking advantage of the opportunities on offer.

I am open minded to me being biased OP, because I went to a private school, and don't want my kids going to the local deprived secondaries. However, I don't feel like I am a snob because I choose to live in an extremely deprived area, and happy for my children to go to an extremely deprived (but very good imo) primary school. I'm happy for them to go to very deprived youth clubs that snobbier friends turn their nose up at. I wouldn't send them to private school, even if they were offered a full scholarship as I don't want them to only socialise with privileged peers. But I didn't/don't want them to go to our mixed sex catchment secondaries, and one of my reasons is because I work next to one of them and the behaviour outside of it is appalling, I also used to get a bus that passed another at home time and I witnessed assaults to other passengers, bullying, vaping, harassment of disabled adults and children and just awful behaviour. Unfortunately I do live in a grammar area though so we have high schools not comprehensives, and I think that makes the behaviour issues worse. See

I went to a very ordinary secondary. One parent was ideologically opposed to anything better and the other couldn’t have cared less.

I did exceptionally well academically. However I had zero knowledge of university life, the range of careers/professions open to me, and how to conduct myself in a whole range of professional and social settings. I couldn’t leverage my good secondary education whatsoever.

Send your kids to the school where they’ll develop the best confidence and connections as well as results I’d say. They’ll need those things in life.

Yes I did think this too! So achingly middle class to not care which school they send their child to as they’ll be more rounded etc!

I come from somewhere that makes Rotherham, or parts of it, look positively genteel, and I still ended up at Oxford, despite only making it through school alive because the bully, of whom everyone was terrified, took a liking to me after we were put sitting together in maths. (She’s dead now, having done a couple of stints in prison.) Still think private education is ethically indefensible.

TBH we probrably would have gone private anyway.

https://www.ucu.org.uk/article/5676/New-analysis-highlights-the-great-education-divide-across-Britain

OP I think you’re being very idealistic. Classic middle-class, well educated, out of touch leftie. The type who doesn’t believe in private school and will choose their child’s education based on their own values & politics rather than based on giving their child the best possible experience. Thing is your kid is very young you said, it’s easy to be idealistic when high school is years away. I suspect you’ll feel very differently when you’re faced with the reality of it

Makes it sound as though if you can't afford to live in a nice area then you don't care about your kids

And what if you gave a well behaved but not particularly academic child? Unless you can afford private what then?

One of mine did go to grammar but very few places in Essex compared to applications

The worst outcomes are for white working class boys in Blackpool.