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Original poster

to wonder why some women can be funny around other women who’ve just split up, especially when it comes to their husbands?

37 replies

HazelMember · 14/04/2026 12:07

I’ve noticed this a few times now. A woman becomes newly separated or single and there’s a bit of a shift. Some women go a bit cooler or more guarded, like she’s now someone to be wary of around their DH. It’s not always obvious but it’s there in the background.

But you don’t really see the same thing with men who’ve just split up. No one seems to be keeping an eye on them in the same way or acting like they’re a risk. If anything they just carry on as normal or get a bit of sympathy.

It feels like a double standard. Why is the single woman seen as the potential problem rather than the married man being expected to behave himself? Why does her relationship status suddenly change how some women treat her?

I am not saying this happens to every newly single woman.

OP posts:
Original poster
HazelMember · 14/04/2026 14:14

Catza · 14/04/2026 13:11

I have never experienced that. Maybe think what company you keep. All my female friends were extremely supportive and none were locking their husbands in a closet.

That is lovely for you but many women are having a different experience as many have mentioned.

OP posts:
MistressoftheDarkSide · 14/04/2026 14:09

Classiclines · 14/04/2026 12:17

It's not just women who have split up with their partner who experience this. I experienced it with people when I was unexpectedly widowed

And it was not just women who reacted to me differently:it was men as well as women who seemed to have the expectation I would be automatically on the look out for a new partner. I found it really upsetting. I was reeling from.the loss of my DH and the last thing on my mind was a new relationship.
And I expect a lot of women coming out of unhappy or abusive relationships feel the same.

Snap.

Thundertoast · 14/04/2026 14:05

So sorry other posters have had this experience. I was lucky enough that I didnt have a lot of it, but I was chatting about it with another friend and she theorised that one of the reasons is probably because when you are in a relationship, especially an unhappy one, the idea of breaking up and splitting your lives seems so HUGE that its almost a comfort to use it as a justification for staying, and seeing people actually doing it and are alive and generally go on to be happier, shakes that reality. And a lot of women have a 'glow up' which unfortunately if you already have a partner with a wandering eye... basically, people who arent in good situations themselves dont like being faced with it.

LughLongArm · 14/04/2026 13:57

Catza · 14/04/2026 13:11

I have never experienced that. Maybe think what company you keep. All my female friends were extremely supportive and none were locking their husbands in a closet.

Yes, I only ever see this referenced on here. I invite my newly single male and female friends to things just as I did when they weren’t single, and so does everyone I know.

cambiodenombre123 · 14/04/2026 13:52

I definitely echo this. Not in terms of my close friends but got the distinct impression with two of my mum friends that this was a factor when I got divorced. Not all of them and I'm not flattering myself that I'm some massive catch but it was a definite gut feeling as they started edging me out of social gatherings. I've heard others say similar too.

As to your question why OP, it could be many reasons... insecurity in relationships, perception that the separated person will be on the prowl... I'm sure it happens with some men too.

Condbottle · 14/04/2026 13:51

Yes, I very much experienced it when I was widowed. A mixture, I think, of not fitting into a comfortable box any more, to being some sort of perceived threat, and also a rude awakening about how life can turn, people not wanting to be reminded that it could happen to them.

TBH some of the women were right to be wary. It's amazing how many "happily" married men were inappropriate with me at my most vulnerable. Obviously that wasn't my fault, and I rebuffed them all but they weren't wrong to think their husbands would if they could. (And I'm nothing special).

The opposite seems to happen for men. Everyone wants to look after them.

ByWittyGoose · 14/04/2026 13:47

Insecurity.

That's what it comes down to unfortunately

thesealion · 14/04/2026 13:47

I’ve only ever seen it “happen” when people talk about it on MN, but yes, it is bonkers. When my friend split up with her bf and I was away with work for a few weeks I encouraged her and my partner to hang out and keep each other company!

Original poster
HazelMember · 14/04/2026 13:45

ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/04/2026 13:14

You must have quite a wide social bitchy social circle to have experienced this multiple times.

No. Many women experience this. Look at the first response to this thread.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 14/04/2026 13:14

You must have quite a wide social bitchy social circle to have experienced this multiple times.

Catza · 14/04/2026 13:11

I have never experienced that. Maybe think what company you keep. All my female friends were extremely supportive and none were locking their husbands in a closet.

Classiclines · 14/04/2026 12:17

It's not just women who have split up with their partner who experience this. I experienced it with people when I was unexpectedly widowed

And it was not just women who reacted to me differently:it was men as well as women who seemed to have the expectation I would be automatically on the look out for a new partner. I found it really upsetting. I was reeling from.the loss of my DH and the last thing on my mind was a new relationship.
And I expect a lot of women coming out of unhappy or abusive relationships feel the same.