to wonder why some women can be funny around other women who’ve just split up, especially when it comes to their husbands?

I don’t think it’s just fear of “losing your man”but some seem to think divorcing etc is catching or like to do things as couples

Yes, I’m often amused by the latter on here. The ‘My Nigel is irresistible to al, women’ delusion.

I’ve seen it with my aunt was she was widowed & my friend who divorced.

When I split from my DCs father, previous friends literally crossed the road from me. Dashed around corners in supermarkets. Pretended they were busy.

One by one, they also split up and they all reached out to me. I'm afraid I was also 'busy'.

Never encountered this personally when I was single and I don't think my female friends do this to single women in our circle.

Have read about it often and have encountered a number of women who get absurdly territorial about their partners - the kind whose hackles go up as soon as they see any other woman, let alone a single one. MN provides both in spades - so many posters seem to think territorialism is the default, natural state of a marriage. I don't know whether it's because they're toxic and jealous or if their husbands are inveterate cheats, and frankly I don't care - I don't want to be anywhere in the vicinity of those relationships and those people.

Men foolishly rarely imagine that their wives could find another man more attractive than themselves.
Women erroneously often imagine that their husbands are attractive to women other than themselves.

It suggests to me that the women are concerned their dh’s might see a single vulnerable woman as fair game.

says more about the women and their partners than it does about the newly single woman.

I’ve experienced it - when I split up with DD’s dad a whole group of friends dropped me like a hot potato. Luckily another friend warned me about it but it till hurt.

I’ve also had “friends” who weren’t interested in socialising unless I had a man to bring along.

@Classiclines and @Condbottle As a widow I echo both your experiences. I was surprised at the "happily married" husbands of friends sniffing around me and the exclusion from previous friend circles. Judging by my experiences, their wives have every reason to be worried. I've also noticed that it's a different ball game for widowed or divorced men who are generally "mothered" and looked after.

@ToKittyornottoKitty "And also plenty who have said it hasn’t. I still think it’s weird you’ve personally witnessed this several times with women, and also several times with men where it’s not happened. Says more about the company you keep."

Although I can only speak for widows, it's a very well known thing. If you join any widows forum (which I hope you don't have to) it's one of the major things they talk about. And it's always been thus. My Mum experienced it when she was widowed in 1978. And I can assure you, we don't all keep degenerative company.

I've experienced it. To the point that one of my friends bluntly instructed me to only invite the girls to my birthday party.
Have just one couple friend who don't do this. They are stars and they'll never really know how grateful I am

I've experienced it as a male. DH' & DP's are friendly but cautious.

As a man - when I split up I didn't have any problems with any of my male friends who were in relationships. The opposite actually - the couples were massively supportive and helped get me out and about. It was a mutual agreed split and I certainly didn't have anyone lined up. I was happily single for about ten years until I happened to sit next to my current partner at a Xmas do.

A widowed female friend lost a couple of couples friends after her husband died. She is pretty sure that it was the women who influenced the decision.

Probably insecurity, and not all that unfounded it seems.

When my sister lost her DH, she said it was horrifying how many married men she knew suddenly wanted to 'support' her by offering to come late at night. Like she would for some bizarre reason be gagging for balding Terry just because she lost the love of her life.

I've heard of it through friends of friends, but never experienced or witnessed it directly

sorry has this happened to you or something op - or is happening to you?

Why so defensive about one persons opinion? You asked for opinions, I’ve provided mine. If you don’t like it that’s your problem.

And also plenty who have said it hasn’t. I still think it’s weird you’ve personally witnessed this several times with women, and also several times with men where it’s not happened. Says more about the company you keep.

As a long term single woman I’ve experienced it a few times - not from close friends but acquaintances, friends of friends etc.

I think it splits into two - the first from women who are either incredibly insecure or whose husbands have been unfaithful in the past and they haven’t kicked them out, and the second from women who only do things with other couples and who see you as an untidy loose end that they don’t know what to do with. One former friend felt I was a good enough friend to be her bridesmaid but never once asked me to dinner with her other couple friends, which was pretty hurtful.

Yes, they said it was also men who reacted that way.

You'll find there's no man as single as a 'happily' married one, so it's not quite a you problem at all.

Now you're single you will come to see that so many husbands are either sexually incontinent or feel compelled to rescue anyone they deem a damsel in distress. Many of their wives know their husbands lack boundaries, so they have to protect them from women. There are also those that are just insecure, so again, must guard their husbands from temptation.

Hopefully you have a few sane/secure friends who will remain close and support you through your breakup 💐.

It’s interesting to wonder whether newly split up men find they get treated as a threat by their married male friends, in the same way. I guess as women we’d be less likely to have a sense of this. Any male mumsnetters want to weigh in?

I don’t know the statistics - are married men more likely than women to be the origins of the split, and are they more likely to have a new partner lined up? It feels like that’s the stereotype, even if it’s not the truth - middle aged man gets bored and moves on with younger woman. So maybe men are benefitting from this stereotype in terms of their relationship with their married friends? They’re not seen as a threat because it’s assumed they’ll want someone single and younger, not one of their married female friends? Whereas women are assumed to crave stability, marriage and a man their own age (even if in reality this is far from the truth) so of course if they’re newly single they MUST be after their friends’ husbands, because OBVIOUSLY a woman couldn’t bear to be single for a single minute.

I had this when newly divorced. In fact a guy who was kind and helped me when I moved in - I was unloading boxes and he stopped and helped me lift something heavy and then explained he lived a few doors down and about two hours later his knocked the door and said ‘ I’m Louise. I live at 38’ lovely I said nice to meet you and then she said ‘I’m Adam’s wife. I hope you aren going to be asking him to do stuff’ I was like Woah there Louise I didn’t ask for him and she was off with me for the entire time I lived there. I think Adam and her had problems as they did get divorced.