Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Violent children should be stopped regardless of other factors

285 replies

Hamalam · 14/04/2026 11:38

The part that struck me about the Southport findings was the way AR seems to have been given leeway because he had an ASD diagnosis. Oh he’s carrying a knife and a hockey stick but he has ASD, as if that’s ok. It’s an attitude I have met a lot with my child school, where they and other children suffer from violence meted out but other children.

Oh but they have SEND / are in care / have a bad home-life as though that’s excuses my child being a victim. I really hope that one of the lessons learned by schools, police etc is to look at the threat or the violence and the danger to others, regardless of any ‘excuses’ the perpetrator might offer.

OP posts:
Tableforjoan · 14/04/2026 15:49

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:45

Just a (vague but real) example - child being threatened online over a period of time told they were going to be ‘shanked’ on the way to school - took kitchen knife in bag to school - went straight to pastoral team - tearfully confessed to bringing a knife in - handed it over. Never involved in knife crime before or since - carried on the FE and did well

locking them up was not the solution

That child did the right thing with the confession however their answer to a threat of being stabbed was to take a knife to stab back…

Thats not helping is it. Now you have two people possibly out there with knife’s ready to attack or defend in one’s eyes. Now more people can get stabbed. Yay

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:46

Child was 14

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:45

Tableforjoan · 14/04/2026 15:37

I think anyone caught carry a knife without proper reason should spend some time inside.

First offence or not.

People with good intentions don’t just wonder about with machetes down their trouser leg.

A child walking to school with a kitchen knife in the coat or bag has it because they feel they might need or want to use it not because they have cooking class.

The intention to use the blade is why they have the blade.

Just a (vague but real) example - child being threatened online over a period of time told they were going to be ‘shanked’ on the way to school - took kitchen knife in bag to school - went straight to pastoral team - tearfully confessed to bringing a knife in - handed it over. Never involved in knife crime before or since - carried on the FE and did well

locking them up was not the solution

Hamalam · 14/04/2026 15:45

Bababear987 · 14/04/2026 15:40

You say 'range of issues and complex needs' but I still see that as more excuses. I couldn't care less what a kids issues are, they shouldn't be in mainstream schools if they can't behave.

I dont care about criminal exploitation or whatever other reasons they have, its not my child's problem to put up with. If these kids can't behave and their parents can't parent then they should be kicked out of school.

Yup. I also don’t care about ‘range of…’ it’s a prison cell, PRU or a mental health unit but you’re not walking around endangering law abiding citizens.

OP posts:
iloveeverykindofcat · 14/04/2026 15:43

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:36

My ASD daughter had her thumb broken by a boy for slapping his hand away from up her skirt - she was kicked in the hand - she slapped him

she was excluded for a week and forced to apologise for slapping him - this was only 6 years ago!

Sadly girls still get a shit deal in schools for this abuse - regardless of the SEN status of the boy

Outrageous.

What will these boys be like at 16, 18, 20?

MermaidofRye · 14/04/2026 15:41

EasternStandard · 14/04/2026 14:40

Where should someone who takes weapons to school be?

In a cell.

Bababear987 · 14/04/2026 15:40

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:12

Again I don’t think any post I have made suggest s otherwise?

Its not ‘excuses’ it’s the range of issues and complex needs I see in my job which young people- many of whom have a history of criminal exploitation and knife carrying

You say 'range of issues and complex needs' but I still see that as more excuses. I couldn't care less what a kids issues are, they shouldn't be in mainstream schools if they can't behave.

I dont care about criminal exploitation or whatever other reasons they have, its not my child's problem to put up with. If these kids can't behave and their parents can't parent then they should be kicked out of school.

MermaidofRye · 14/04/2026 15:37

Meadowfinch · 14/04/2026 13:33

I disagree. Schools are packed with teachers who have been kicked, punched, bitten & spat at. They've had chairs and tables thrown at them.

They are not allowed to make the appropriate adjustments, ie remove the violent child to an environment where he or she can be educated safely. They are forced by the local authority to continue with the children in situ, because councils cannot afford special school places.

If a teacher has suffered at the hands of, or being threatend by, a violent child and finds themselves unsupported by the school, they should call the police themselves.

It would be good if the Teaching Unions maintained a fund for private prosecutions against either the child-if he is old enough-or the parents if he isn't.

Of ccurse that won't happen. I read of appalling behaviour on here with people wringing their hands and saying they have tried everything with heir out of control 5 year old.

I often have to sit on my hands to stop myself from typing, "have you tried putting him over your knee and slapping his arse?"

It might just do the trick at home and in school.

Tableforjoan · 14/04/2026 15:37

I think anyone caught carry a knife without proper reason should spend some time inside.

First offence or not.

People with good intentions don’t just wonder about with machetes down their trouser leg.

A child walking to school with a kitchen knife in the coat or bag has it because they feel they might need or want to use it not because they have cooking class.

The intention to use the blade is why they have the blade.

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:36

iloveeverykindofcat · 14/04/2026 15:25

When I was in primary school, a boy with learning disabilities had a particular fixation with me that involved pinning me down and forcibly kissing and touching me. I was expected to tolerate this because he was special needs. I had hoped in these more enlightened times we'd moved on from this. Apparently not.

My ASD daughter had her thumb broken by a boy for slapping his hand away from up her skirt - she was kicked in the hand - she slapped him

she was excluded for a week and forced to apologise for slapping him - this was only 6 years ago!

Sadly girls still get a shit deal in schools for this abuse - regardless of the SEN status of the boy

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:33

EasternStandard · 14/04/2026 15:20

It wasn’t very secure along the way for this person. Even picked up with a knife and then smiling about what he’d do with it (fatal violence) to police he was taken back home.

Plus the headteacher’s reports changed and minimised to avoid stereotyping.

Edited

Yes - the agency’s involved - Prevent, Lancashire Police, Lancashire Social Services, CAMHS, and FCAMHS. All made fatal mistakes and that’s why we need a more effective multi agency approach

Prevent didn’t have a ‘framework’ he fitted so ‘couldn’t’ act, SS - god knows - they will have a SCR I’m sure but I’m betting it’s down to lack of SW’s and training, CHAMS have no power to force people to engage so if YP say no their involvement ends.

the system is broken, it needs better funding- more specialist staff/support - more legislation behind it. People can only do what they can do in their jobs - as mentioned above there are no secure therapeutic placements around without huge waiting lists, YOS pre offence work is voluntary, youth workers are rare beasts these days.

A broken system will never work - neither will locking kids up.

Im not minimalising this crime - it’s atrocious and those found to have been negligent need to be held to account. Knife carrying and youth crime is an incredibly complex and underfunded area.

No child should ever die this way and no child should feel they need to arm themselves - but they do and that needs addressing

iloveeverykindofcat · 14/04/2026 15:25

NotAnotherPylon · 14/04/2026 12:47

I remember contacting my eldest son’s school because a boy he did PE with had started charging at him while he was half dressed and ramming him up the backside with two pointed forefingers, among other ‘hi jinx’. It happened a few times before my son told me. The first thing the head of year said to me was ‘Oh, I know X. I should just make you aware that he’s statemented’. Eh? What’s that got to do with the price of fish? He was effectively sexually assaulting my child. I have a younger son with a Statement of Educational Needs and he doesn’t go around ramming his fingers up people’s arses. I didn’t answer and just let the silence hang there until he bloody well caught himself on and stuttered his way through what would be done next. I have no time for special needs being used as an excuse for violent behaviour. I get why the behaviour might happen, but it is not up to other children to simply endure it.

When I was in primary school, a boy with learning disabilities had a particular fixation with me that involved pinning me down and forcibly kissing and touching me. I was expected to tolerate this because he was special needs. I had hoped in these more enlightened times we'd moved on from this. Apparently not.

EasternStandard · 14/04/2026 15:20

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:15

Which is why each individual case needs a detailed risk assessment, safety plan and ongoing professional involvement.

I have some lovely kids who made one mistake due to peer pressure and/or fear and never fucked up again and others that are rightfully behind bars

It wasn’t very secure along the way for this person. Even picked up with a knife and then smiling about what he’d do with it (fatal violence) to police he was taken back home.

Plus the headteacher’s reports changed and minimised to avoid stereotyping.

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:15

EasternStandard · 14/04/2026 15:12

The issue is risk to other children. Looking at the failures and people dismissing the potential for extreme violence in this case.

Which is why each individual case needs a detailed risk assessment, safety plan and ongoing professional involvement.

I have some lovely kids who made one mistake due to peer pressure and/or fear and never fucked up again and others that are rightfully behind bars

youalright · 14/04/2026 15:14

Hamalam · 14/04/2026 13:12

My children’s primary schools punishment of choice is hot chocolate and cosy chats with the head. It’s as effective as you’d expect it to be and things just keep getting worse.

That's ridiculous some parents are just as bad, you see it on here all the time from parents of sen kids saying you can't tell them off or punish them as they don't understand. So what's the solution do nothing and cry when they end up in prison as adults because the judge won't give a shit that they are sen

EasternStandard · 14/04/2026 15:12

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 14:46

Depends on each individual- I’ve worked with kids who have carried knives because they believed everyone else did so needed protection- some have been PEXed other remained in school with no further issues.

I have kids entrenched in criminal exploitation aged 14 who need help to get out and in prison for attempted murder who will remain there for many years - every circumstance needs evaluation

The issue is risk to other children. Looking at the failures and people dismissing the potential for extreme violence in this case.

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:12

Bababear987 · 14/04/2026 15:09

I've possibly picked you up wrong but it does sound like excuses again.

The victim should be the priority, children shouldn't be afraid or attacked in school

Again I don’t think any post I have made suggest s otherwise?

Its not ‘excuses’ it’s the range of issues and complex needs I see in my job which young people- many of whom have a history of criminal exploitation and knife carrying

Bababear987 · 14/04/2026 15:09

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 14:58

Thank you for your considered post - you are right and it is complex

ADHD, ASD, FASD all play a part as does CSE, ACES and family

I work with young people who’s parents never ever thought it would be their child - it’s sad

I've possibly picked you up wrong but it does sound like excuses again.

The victim should be the priority, children shouldn't be afraid or attacked in school

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 14/04/2026 15:07

@ghostyslovesheets I’m sure that’s right but it is a service that needs improvement and expansion. We don’t just have a problem with parenting, we have poor joined up thinking from professionals who come into contact with these dc too. Like many areas of child welfare, we need to improve and doing very little, whether parents or professionals has to stop. Passing the buck and not investigating property should be a disciplinary matter.

InterestedDad37 · 14/04/2026 15:06

I'm often genuinely shocked at what schoolkids (and teachers + other school staff) are expected to put up with.
At work, you wouldn't have to put up with people hitting, spitting, biting, throwing furniture around, trying to shove fingers up your arse (to use an example from a PP). So why the hell are kids expected to deal with such an environment without it affecting their life and learning?

Hamalam · 14/04/2026 15:04

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:00

And any child caught with a knife would/is subject to that law - not many are locked up for 5 years for a first offence though because it’s not that simple

We should make it that simple. It’s very easy not to spend 5 years in prison. Choose not to carry a knife.

OP posts:
Supersimkin7 · 14/04/2026 15:03

Any change for managing these persons needs consideration of rights. We need to keep fundamental rights uppermost.

No one has the right to murder, to try or to threaten to kill.

You’d have thought you wouldn’t have to remind every public service. We do.

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2026 15:00

Hamalam · 14/04/2026 14:55

Having an offensive weapon in public is thankfully still a criminal offence..

And any child caught with a knife would/is subject to that law - not many are locked up for 5 years for a first offence though because it’s not that simple