Moral dilemma - hen do

I can't believe you would even consider not telling your dh! Imagine if it was reversed! Tell him and tell the friends that this is not your cup of tea (without judging them) and that you decline the hen do. I would have declined even if single because I find it grim.

I could potentially not tell DP about it and attend. I don’t want to come across as awkward ...

@CatttS This is a TERRIBLE idea. Are you seriously saying that not appearing awkward to your friends is more important than your marriage?

Because, given your previous stance on your husband attending a strip show, to attend one yourself AND TO LIE ABOUT IT is a breathtaking level of hypocrisy. A relationship damaging move.

Do the sensible thing, that others have suggested, and have a conversation with your husband about it. You'll probably find he's more relaxed about it than you are, but if you do attend be prepared to soften your view about him attending one in the future.

By male stripping show do you mean strip club or like a magic mike/chippendales kind of deal? They are really quite different.

Not my thing but I'd go along to the magic Mike type thing. But I wouldn't tell DH not to go to a stag do with a strip club visit because I trust him not to do anything. If anything I'd ask to come along as its really not his thing and I could only imagine the awkwardness and embarrassment at being there on his face the whole time not knowing where to look 🤣 that wouldn't make him feel guilty somehow.

You need to have a proper chat with your DH about boundaries.

Do you actually want to go, OP?

If you don't, then no problem. Just tell your friend you'll skip that part.

If you feel you'd like to, talk it over with your DH and see what he says.

My idea of hell so I’d decline anyway.

I haven't read the full thread, but this is the most sensible, on-point remark I've read.

I've only been to one male stripping thing and it was as grim af. I'm pretty broadminded but it really got out of hand...

If you have a rule for your DH, then you need to abide by it for yourself.

I can't actually see the difference myself.

If it’s like Magic Live then I’m not sure I’d compare that to a strip club. It’s a fun time but it’s like boyband style dancing with no shirt on, not full nudity and a pole.

On the other hand a friend of mine wound up at a hen do with one of those nude butlers and she found it very uncomfortable and said she wouldn’t go to something like that again.

That’s how I feel. It’s not the same thing. Channing Tatum was asked about it and he said the difference is that for women it’s not a sexualised experience, it’s semi mortification and giggling if anyone comes anywhere you or your friends. Besides, they don’t usually go all the way. More cheeky and on a stage than directly grind-y?

Probably gonna get slated but I don’t see male and female strippers as being similar. Men get off on seeing the female body and want to f them . I’ve been to male strip shows in similar circumstances and it’s just a load of women laughing and cringing

A moral dilemma? I think you need to be clear what your morals are:

• Do you think it's ok to lie?
• Do you think double standards are ok?
• Do you think that watching someone strip for money is ok?

Presumably the answer to all three is no - dilemma resolved.

You can either absent yourself for that part of the day, or - and I would prefer this personally - not go and choose to celebrate with her at another time.

Feels a bit like arrested development that people are still choosing to do this in 2026 at all, but that's an issue for another day/time/thread.

Surely the options aren't just lieing or not going?

There is still the option to discuss it with your DP and see how that conversation goes.

Ultimately, do you want to see a strip show? What element of your DP seeing it bothers you - exploitation of women, sexualised activity, general seediness, concerns about him cheating on you?

I'd just be honest with the hen, say you wouldn't be happy for your husband to attend a similar event so you don't feel comfortable attending so you'll sit that bit out but really looking forward to the rest of it.

I wouldn't lie, and I wouldn't ask his permission either if I wouldn't want him to go

You haven't said if you actually want to go, or are indifferent to it. I'm getting the impression you would be happy to go if it weren't for the double standards aspect.

Is it Magic Mike live? I've been and it was about as arousing as a teeth cleaning.

Agree with PP that female strippers and male strippers are different, as is something like Magic Mike vs a strip club- the former is more akin to burlesque, in my mind.

However if it's a hard line for you that's fair enough, don't lie to your husband though- just explain to the hen and either skip that bit if possible or the whole thing.

I agree with this "I think comparing male and female strip shows is a false equivalence due to the power dynamics at play".

In this specific situation, I wouldn't discuss it with the other women. To avoid drama, I'd just get "a dreadful headache" at that point, apologise profusely and offer to the bride that we do something special together soon to make up for me missing those few hours.

In that case, no need to mention it to dh, or if you wanted to, just explain your plan without making it a big thing.

I think comparing male and female strip shows is a false equivalence due to the power dynamics at play, but I also personally wouldn't go even if I don't necessarily see a double standard, just a bit grim

You are COMPLETELY allowed to say “I don’t want to see a male stripper, thanks. So I won’t be able to attend.”

You don’t even have to apologise. Because it isn’t harmless fun to objectify people in a sexualised way.

I would go to the other bits but miss the strip show. Not really out of any moral obligation but just because I’d rather do pretty much anything else than see a male stripper.

Prob had to be off his face to get himself through it 🤢

This exactly

There is a big difference between male dancers taking their tops off and women who have been potentially trafficked / forced into stripping or sex work

I agree

I wouldn’t go. I’ve been to a hen do once with a stripper (it was a surprise to everyone except the organiser) and honestly it was beyond awful. He was an hour late, obviously off his face, the most incredibly cringey experience I’ve ever had. Several of us were fuming that our money had been spent on it without consultation.

Why isn’t this the same as a strip club for a man ?

usual double standards on here, but what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander

Male strippers are pretty tame, compared to female strippers and lap dances in proper clubs. Mine didn't even take his pants off. 😂