Moral dilemma - hen do

Well, lying to your DH is obviously the most unreasonable option.

I don't honestly think a male strip show is the equivalent of a female strip show. Women are the oppressed gender in our society, so men goggling at a more vulnerable group is different to women goggling at a more socially powerful group. It's not creepy in the same way, not is it as likely to be exploitative.

That's not to say you should go, of course. That's a personal decision.

Can’t you just skip the stripper bit? Tell them you’re more likely to be 🤮than anything else - that is IF you need to give a reason?

Attend but have an urgent engagement you need to leave for before the strip show? (I presume the strip show is the last thing?)

If not arrive later for the evening meal / drinks?

Speak to your dp, but also decline that bit. Just explain lightly what you've put here, that you wouldn't be happy about dp doing similar so you can't have double standards. Express how much you're looking forward to the rest.

Just tell him

He will probably just laugh it off

At worst you will look a bit daft

Surely you can go to the other hen do events but not attend the strip show ?

Personally though I don't think i'd feel comfortable socialising with a bunch of women who thought male strippers were an acceptable and enjoyable entertainment.

And yes if you do attend this event you can't complain if your DH takes it as a green light to attend strip clubs/ lap dancing clubs because it would be double standards.

Are there other parts of the hen do that you could attend? Or is this the main/only bit?

I wouldnt go because if iI dont want my husband to i wouldnt I respect myself too much and I dont care if he knows or gives 'permission' I wouldnt go for me no one else

But even if I was single I wouldnt go, I would have hoped this died out in the 80s

Why are the options lie, or don’t attend? You’ve not spoken to him about it yet, just have the discussion. But no it wouldn’t be a ‘white lie’, it’s just an outright lie. Have an adult conversation about it and if he’s ok with it then go, if not then don’t go. Weird that lying is immediately considered one of your 2 options.

I’d just politely tell your friends you won’t be attending that part of the hen do. You can’t expect something of your husband and then engage in it yourself.

Would it be a white lie if your partner went to a strip club snd didn’t tell you?

I’ve had friends have strippers or butlers in the buff at hen dos. I’ve just been upfront in advance it’s not my kind of thing and excused myself for that portion. It’s never been a problem and often one or two others are relieved that someone else has said it and joined me.

I'd tell my DH, attend but skip the strip club bit.

I'd also let my friend know I wouldn't be attending the stripper bit cause yuck 😬

I wouldn't go. It's not acceptable to have double standards or to lie by omission.

I think your options are both rubbish! I think you should discuss with DH on the off chance he actually couldn't care less. If he's fine with it, then go if you want to. If not, then tell the hen you'll go to the hen do but sit out the show.

Surely there's a third option of - have an honest conversation with your husband. If he's uncomfortable then go to the rest of the hen do but skip the stripper?
That's what I would do and equally expect any partner to do.

Don’t lie to your DH. Either say on the group chat that you don’t think the strip show is appropriate or just opt out of that part.

Or, if you are realising that it's not such a hard line for you, then tell DP and attend, and allow him the same trust you allow yourself.