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Original poster

Incident at school - come and give me your thoughts.

369 replies

Newnamez · 14/04/2026 08:43

DD is 12 and in yr7 (first yr of secondary).
On the last day of term before Easter she came home and told us that during the first lesson that day 2 'older girls' (she thinks yr9) came to the class (which had a stand in teacher that day) and asked for her by name and said she was needed at the school office by the Head teacher. She went with them. The girls walked ahead of her whispering.
By chance a TA that DD likes and chats to came out of a room and saw the three of them and asked the girls where they were taking DD. The older girls said 'the office' and the TA said i'll take over and they ran away. The TA shared with DD that one of the girls is her (TAs) cousin and said she was a ''little shit'' !! TA took DD to the office and no one had sent for her. TA took DD back to class. That's the bare bones of it. That is literally all i know.

Now, i hear about this at 6 that evening from DD and get more horrified the more i think about it. I emailed a head of year level teacher that evening. I heard nothing all easter holiday which is fine, but i heard nothing from anyone last night either. (yesterday 1st day back)

Ive told DD not to leave class unless an adult has come for her from now on.

Im going to ring the school this morning to ask to speak to someone in person about this.

Am i wrong or is this quite worrying?! How did the girls know my DD s name and where she'd be? Where were they taking her? Why were they wandering round the school? How are they going to stop this happening again?

What would you do/say?

TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
Newnamez · 14/04/2026 18:58

Sorry to be back late!
I agree with what you've all been saying. I am reassured somewhat. I do still wonder how they knew DDs name. I will always wonder what they were planning.

The pupils not collecting other pupils thing has always been in place it's not new. I think sun teacher just didn't know/attend to what was going on.

I spoke to DD and told her all of what's been said and she's reassured. She knows the teaching lead and says 'oh her! she's a really nice lady who knows all our names'.
Which is a good thing i guess !

I'll chat with DH later and see what he feels but i think i feel reassured enough to let this be now.

Someone upthread said they wonder how feasible it is for this older girl to be chaperoned everywhere. I wonder too. Perhaps this is a thing they do a lot though?

OP posts:
DisappearingGirl · 14/04/2026 18:51

I agree that's a good response and it sounds like the HOY took it seriously.

Sounds like a stupid prank but I would have been worried too.

I think you approached it really well OP, taking it seriously with the school but not making it into a drama with your DD.

Hereforthecommentz · 14/04/2026 18:45

Happytaytos · 14/04/2026 17:56

Not really trying to argue. Just explaining how things can take time in a school and nowhere is going to magically find 2 kids within 10 seconds of a "missing child" button being pressed. But you do you.

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Very true! I work in primary we have a couple of 'wanderers'. Kids aren't robots who all do as they are told, even in the best schools with good discipline. A pp alluded to some SEN kids being allowed to wander as they can't always cope in the classroom and this is my experience too. In a secondary I imagine it's a nightmare if kids want to skive off when there's 1000+ pupils and much more space to hide in! It could take ages to locate said child.

ToastSoldiers · 14/04/2026 18:45

Moonnstarz · 14/04/2026 10:46

I was yes.

Which is why some of this scenario doesn't sound true.

Yes disruptive year 9 pupils out when they shouldn't be is a possibility (especially if they have hoodwinked two different teachers into saying they are desperate for the toilet, knowing the backlash that teachers get for refusing children to go. Maybe they even claimed they were on their period so must be entitled to leave). The TA telling another child that one girl is her cousin and is a 'little shit' who just so happens to be out of class at the right moment rather than supervising their own 1:1 child sounds false.

I agree at most it's a weird prank and as I said I would be more concerned in asking the tutor to find out whether DD has settled in, if there have been any fallings out as maybe this could indicate whether DD is vulnerable.

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I would be more concerned in asking the tutor to find out whether DD has settled in, if there have been any fallings out as maybe this could indicate whether DD is vulnerable.

No. Bullies are bullies. This isn’t about changing the DD’s behaviour.

ToastSoldiers · 14/04/2026 18:41

Moonnstarz · 14/04/2026 10:28

So it has been dealt with.
Honestly what do people want?! They have told the mum the girls have been spoken to. They won't be able to go into full details of the girls backgrounds or what the exact consequences are other than to say it's been dealt with.
This is why working in schools is tough.

This is why working in schools is tough.

Oh give over. Nobody’s asking for full details of the girl’s backgrounds. There are plenty of reasons that being a teacher is tough, but this was a lacklustre response at best and you know it.

This clearly isn’t a parent who’s phoning up every five minutes, this was a serious incident and a flippant one sentence response isn’t even close to addressing the concern.

ToastSoldiers · 14/04/2026 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh. Is this the kind of thing you would have done at school?

ToastSoldiers · 14/04/2026 18:32

GardeningMummy · 14/04/2026 10:08

Yeah my child wouldn’t be going back to that school. Ever. The school cannot exactly give her a bodyguard for every playtime and between each lesson and if those girls had plans that were scuppered then they’ll try again with something else, that much I’m certain of. I was horrendously bullied at high school and whenever anything was interrupted, they ALWAYS found me later.
Schools generally don’t care, they have a very “What absolute evidence do you have? None? Oh well then there’s nothing we can do…”

Yes, this. I flashed back thirty years with this situation. I can very well imagine those girls and potential and future plans. Some things never change.

Also - the comments about why they’re roaming around the school, as much as they have a TA that says they’re shits, I bet they absolutely have other teachers / subs that they get along with.

Hereforthecommentz · 14/04/2026 18:25

OriginalSkang · 14/04/2026 16:48

I wonder where the prank would have ended? It doesn't entirely add up. Where they going to run away when she knocked on the office door?

Yes my thoughts exactly. Kids usually pull pranks on other kids they know not randoms. Story seems strange.

FunMustard · 14/04/2026 18:23

pinkdelight · 14/04/2026 16:39

But you need to calm down. You're getting yourself whipped into a froth.

OP seems calm to me, not frothing at all, and you're being way too literal about the JB responses. There can be overtones without it needing to be the same.

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Well I guess then we've both got our own interpretations.

Uricon2 · 14/04/2026 18:20

At my school, back in the Jurassic, it was only ever prefects or dep head/head girl who got sent on any kind of errand, acted as runners, did corridor duty or anything else. It wasn't exactly egalitarian but all the teachers knew exactly who they were.

I'm glad you've had some reassurance OP and hopefully it was just a (silly and pointless) prank, but they need to tighten up having kids wandering around during lesson times.

Happytaytos · 14/04/2026 17:58

Children watch what response we give to them and learn from us.

OP has dealt with it perfectly. No need to any ongoing drama or filling her child's head with shoulda woulda coulda.

Children see too many reactive and anxiety ridden adults unable to sensibly risk assess.

Happytaytos · 14/04/2026 17:56

JJMama · 14/04/2026 17:55

Your response is hilarious! Why are you trying to argue? You sound like a 14 year old yourself, trying to start a pointless argument! 😂

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Not really trying to argue. Just explaining how things can take time in a school and nowhere is going to magically find 2 kids within 10 seconds of a "missing child" button being pressed. But you do you.

FunCrab · 14/04/2026 17:55

BlokeHereInPeace · 14/04/2026 17:51

It sounds like a prank to me to be honest. Make her knock on the door, come in, why are you here, embarrased kid. Safeguarding is there for a reason but it doesn't mean that every case is a terrible event just waiting to happen.

I can see red flags everywhere.
Never ignore.
When I read it I was uncomfortable so that says all I need to know.
DD did not feel it was right that is why they told OP.
Children watch what response we give to them and learn from us.

JJMama · 14/04/2026 17:55

Happytaytos · 14/04/2026 17:50

Nowhere have I said a school should allow it. I've explained how it is possible for students to be wandering. 14yos don't always do what they are told... Shock.

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Your response is hilarious! Why are you trying to argue? You sound like a 14 year old yourself, trying to start a pointless argument! 😂

Happytaytos · 14/04/2026 17:55

FunCrab · 14/04/2026 17:51

So is this a new process at this school? Has the policy on this been amended?

is this student been escorted for the remainder of their time at this school? I would suggest this should be the case but might be based on risk assessment.
i would ask for an update on this whole situation in one months time so the school know you are watching.

OP has absolutely no right to find out anything about another child beyond what has already been said.

I really think some of you are over reacting to a prank which probably took 30 seconds of these idiots headspace. The fact they walked towards the office is telling. There was another adult around who dealt with it. The OPs child sounds unaffected. Stirring up all this drama isn't healthy.

WearyAuldWumman · 14/04/2026 17:54

@Newnamez Somehow missed your 16.42 update. This sounds reasonably positive. I'm particularly relieved that the TA reported the incident. However, I wonder about the comment that she reported her relative making.

BlokeHereInPeace · 14/04/2026 17:51

It sounds like a prank to me to be honest. Make her knock on the door, come in, why are you here, embarrased kid. Safeguarding is there for a reason but it doesn't mean that every case is a terrible event just waiting to happen.

Corinthiana · 14/04/2026 17:51

ProfessorBinturong · 14/04/2026 16:47

That seems a good response. No minimising, and a clear plan to prevent repetition.

Yes, I agree, I think it's a very appropriate response.

FunCrab · 14/04/2026 17:51

So is this a new process at this school? Has the policy on this been amended?

is this student been escorted for the remainder of their time at this school? I would suggest this should be the case but might be based on risk assessment.
i would ask for an update on this whole situation in one months time so the school know you are watching.

Happytaytos · 14/04/2026 17:50

JJMama · 14/04/2026 17:29

Thanks for your input. I’ve worked in schools for years! Wandering is a common problem, but it shouldn’t get to the point where they’re able to take another child out of another class! No school I’ve worked in would countenance this.

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Nowhere have I said a school should allow it. I've explained how it is possible for students to be wandering. 14yos don't always do what they are told... Shock.

dapsnotplimsolls · 14/04/2026 17:49

I think you should ask for confirmation that this has been recorded as a safeguarding issue.

WearyAuldWumman · 14/04/2026 17:49

Corinthiana · 14/04/2026 17:37

It's been very unusual in all the schools I've worked in! There shouldn't be "wandering around".

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In schools with good discipline, it shouldn't happen. If the pupils concerned are allowed breaks, then they should be carrying 'time out' cards or the like and if they're using them to meet up with pals, the cards need to be withdrawn.

JackA · 14/04/2026 17:47

I work in secondary education and the fact that the ringleader is now being escorted to and from classes is telling. This would not happen without some significant previous behavioural issues. It is good the school are taking it seriously, the staff will
undoubtedly been briefed to keep a very close eye on the two older students.

WearyAuldWumman · 14/04/2026 17:46

Happytaytos · 14/04/2026 17:24

There's not many places in many schools that are always out of sight. Toilets are probably locked during lesson time and there are often staff patrolling.

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It depends on the building.

All new builds in my LA have internal toilet blocks on each floor. These have no external door - the sinks are open to the corridor and the cubicle doors go from ceiling to floor. Similar designs (used by BAM) can be seen across the UK. It's supposed to stop bullying and vandalism, but actually makes it more likely.

Staff should be patrolling, but they don't always catch miscreants.

Hailstoness · 14/04/2026 17:44

JJMama · 14/04/2026 17:29

Thanks for your input. I’ve worked in schools for years! Wandering is a common problem, but it shouldn’t get to the point where they’re able to take another child out of another class! No school I’ve worked in would countenance this.

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Completely agree.
In my daughters school they are so strict about this particular issue.
Absolutely no wandering about.

Well done OP.
I don't believe the girls.
I have no idea what they intended but I find the confidence and execution of such behaviour very disturbing.

Take your time in your response.
I think this is a major breach of safety on behalf of the school in their care for your child.

Well done for persevering.
I would be minuting everything back to the head in your response.
Those girls felt comfortable doing what they did and that means things must be very lax.

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